Alisha Daniels quotes from Misfits

Alisha

Me and my mate Chloe are having cocktails in this bar, yeah? And she's hassling me 'cause she wants to go to this party. Chloe's on one, because she thinks Jack is doing Lucy. Total slut fuck. So, we get in my car. I drive us to the party. We go into one of the rooms, yeah. Jack’s not doing Lucy; he’s doing Ellie. She is a proper slut. Chloe freaks. I’m driving us back into town. Chloe's all like, "Ugh. I feel sick." I'm like, "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Don't puke in my car. Do not. Puke. In my car." That’s when the police pull us over. I’m already banned from driving, so I am like, "Fu...ck". This cop, yeah, he hands me the breathalyzer, and I’m like, "Do I suck, or blow?" [Starts to suck the bottle] It’s insane, I’m totally working it, yeah? [Continues sucking the bottle] Now I don't know if this cop is gay or what but he tells me I'm five times over the limit. Fucking bullshit. I didn't even want to go to the party.

Alisha

So I guess we're getting serious then.

Alisha

It's fine. Must be nice having a girlfriend you can actually shag.

Alisha

[To Simon] You think you're surprised? Imagine being me! You're still you, but you're different.

Alisha

What? I thought you had finished!

Tony

You see my lips still moving, this means I'm still talking!

Nathan

Yeah, but you could have been yawning or... chewing.

Simon

Maybe you can fly.

Alisha

He's not gonna be able to fly.

Nathan

Yeah, there's always someone that can fly. Check it out.

Kelly

Don't.

Nathan

Ow! No, that's not it.

Curtis

So what happens now? Is this it? Are we gonna be like this forever?

Simon

What if we are meant to be, like, superheroes?

Nathan

You lot, superheroes? No offence, but in what kind of fucked-up world would that be allowed to happen?

Alisha

I did not sign up for that.

Nathan

Superheroes! I love this guy... you prick!

Kelly

What if there’s load of people like us all over town?

Nathan

No, that kind of thing only happens in America. This will fade away. I’m telling you, by this time next week, it’ll be back to the same old boring shit.

Nathan

You can think what you like, but I have a superpower and I just need to find out what it is.

Alisha

Maybe you're just super-retarded.

Nathan

Maybe I've got a whole Spider-Man vibe going on. You know, maybe I can climb stuff and do spider shit.

Curtis

Yeah, because that makes perfect sense. Why would you be able to climb stuff?

Nathan

I don't know. How is it that you can turn back time, apparently, and weird kid can turn invisible? It's not like this whole situation is backed up by a wank-load of logic.

Alisha

He is obviously some kind of pervert, or he's gay.

Curtis

That follows.

Alisha

Well, he was cruising for rough trade. They love that shit.

Curtis

Oh, a little light homophobia. Go for it.

Alisha

You should come out with us some time.

Curtis

I would you know but, my mum told me to stay away from girls like you.

Alisha

Your mum has never met a girl like me.

Simon

If I'm invisible, I can see if anyone puts anything in our lockers.

Curtis

That sounds like a plan. [To Alisha putting on mascara] You alright with that one, yeah?

Alisha

Works for me.

Curtis

[To Simon] Go on then, turn invisible.

Simon

I can't do it when everyone's watching me.

Nathan

So I guess it's like pissing at a urinal if you've got a tiny cock.

Alisha

Well, that's, er, really impressive. [They walk away, then Simons transforms] Hey, you lot! Did you see it?!

Ben

[Leading them] Okay, so, all these clothes have been donated by members of the public and we need to sort them before we ship them to Africa.

Alisha

Just another day in paradise.

Ben

Yeah, well, I'm sure the people receiving them will be grateful for your hard work.

Alisha

They should be. They're getting a new wardrobe.

Curtis

You are so wrong.

Ben

These are the categories to sort them into. It's children's clothes, shoes, coats. That kind of thing. Okay, so, if you've got any questions, just ask. [Nathan pops up hand and Ben nods at him]

Nathan

If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?

Ben

If you've got any relevant questions, just ask. [Kelly chuckles] Oh, and if it's on dry land, I'd bet on the bear.

Nathan

[Holds up a skiing boot] Ski wear. Classic. Try walking ten miles to the well in these. Hey, hey, hey, who am I. [Puts on skiing goggles and does a rendition singing of a U2 song] One luhh ohh yeaahh huh huuuhh ahh... [Other community servers are just silently staring] C'mon! Okay. All right, all right, I'll give you a clue. I'm an annoying cunt!

Alisha

Yeah, we know that.

Nathan

I'm Bono!

Alisha

How comes you never talk about when you got arrested?

Curtis

Nothin' to talk about.

Alisha

See? That just makes me more curious. C'mon. Give it up!

Curtis

I was buying some coke. Me and this girl I was seeing. Sam. The police caught us.

Alisha

That sucks.

Curtis

I had one wrap on me. She had the rest of it. She was done for intent to supply.

Alisha

What happened?

Curtis

She went to prison. Six months.

Alisha

Shit. Are you still with her?

Curtis

Everything that was happening... it was too messy.

Alisha

So... you're not with anyone?

Curtis

Nah. [Alisha leans in to him] What? What?

Alisha

[Stroking him] You know what. I know you want to. All I have to do is touch you.

Curtis

Don't.

Alisha

I could have you... any time I want.

Curtis

Quit doing that, man. Leave it!

Alisha

Stop being such a dick! [Alisha grabs his wrist and transforms his mental state with him grabbing her and leading her to washroom] Oh, you're so beautiful!

Alisha

All right, Curtis, wait! Curtis! Curtis!

Curtis

I'm always thinking of you. I just want to be with you. I know you do. Come on.

Curtis

[Alisha lets go of Curtis wrist in washroom stall who reverts to his default mental state and he bursts out of washroom stall] Oh, man! That is wrong!

Alisha

Don't freak out!

Curtis

You can't be doing that to people!

Alisha

Trust me! You enjoyed it!

Curtis

That wasn't me!

Alisha

But you were so up for it. You kept telling me how much you wanted to be with me.

Curtis

When I want to tell you something, I'll tell you myself. You don't know what I'm feeling.

Alisha

Yeah, well, I see how you look at me.

Curtis

Yeah? I won't be looking at you any more.

Alisha

Yes, you will.

Curtis

You think 'cause you're beautiful, you can treat people any way you want?!

Alisha

Yeah, that's pretty much how it works.