M*A*S*H · Season 5
War isn't hell. War is war, and hell is hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse.
How do you figure, Hawkeye?
Easy, Father. Tell me, who goes to hell?
Sinners, I believe.
Exactly. There are no innocent bystanders in hell. War is chock full of them - little kids, cripples, old ladies. In fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander.
Klinger [singing]: Nobody knows the trouble I've seen...
I know!
Somebody knows the trouble I've seen...
BJ [singing]: Git along, little doggie...
I had a long little doggie once. A Dachshund.
Oh a little hot dog. What happened to it?
It got all mustered out.
I relish these conversations.
[Giving a speech about returning home in one piece] And remember, someone at home loves you. Don't ask me why.
I hope you catch that ugly creep who's been using my face!
Sergeant, I've told everyone else, I'll tell you. The 4077th is out of blood! We're squeezin' turnips here! All my personnel have donated at least twice, and Dracula couldn't find a quick snack around these parts!
When I was a kid, I used to fight all the time when people put me down. I believed what they said about me. Not any more. I've been up on the line. I had the guts to go out there and drag 'em back to the aid station. No one's gonna get me again with any verbal abuse because I got something guys like that will never have - self-respect.
In the words of my people, may your life be an oasis surrounded by waving palms, warm breezes, and spit-free camels.
Where you going, Frank?
Frank (Last Line): I don't know. Uh... Just felt like grabbing a cold shower.
(As Margaret goes on her honeymoon)
Bye, Margaret.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
