Frank (into walkie-talkie): Attention all Allied personnel: There are only about half a dozen stars visible, sky-wise: I am directly under the brightest one.
Very good, Frank.
BBJ
They'll start looking for us in Bethlehem.
S4The Bus
Will you stick that gun in your holster.
I can plug an ace of hearts at fifty feet.
I'll remember that if we're ever attacked by a bridge club.
(sees Frank holding a bunch of guns): Burns, didn't I see your face in the wanted poster? Who wants to take first watch over the prisoner?
He does.
BBJ
He will.
I do.
All right. If you don't accidentally shoot yourself in two hours I will relieve you then. If you do, I'll relieve you earlier.
(waking up North Korean thinking he's Potter): Sir? Sir. Sir. Holy socks! (Bumps into Maj. Burns) Sir I didn't mean to wake you.
Wake me? You thought I was asleep? No I was just trying to see what our prisoner would do. I flushed him out of the woods.
Let me help you with your chocolate.
That's not chocolate!
Right it's not chocolate.
S4Dear Mildred
We have four rifles here and one of them is a reading lamp.
Radar (about Frank): I'm probably responsible for his leaving.
BBJ
You should come here more often.
[Hawkeye and BJ walk in to the movie]
3-to-1, I'll take the Indians.
BBJ
It's a bet, five bucks. What's the name of this picture?
Custer's Last Stand.
S4The Kids
Klinger (feeding a little girl): I hope you like this. Some of it was cooked before you were born.
Bite your tongue, Margaret. Or better yet, let me do it.
S4Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler?
You are very smart, Freedman.
I told you.
You're only saying Chandler flipped out so I will have you busted and you can return to your safe cozy civilian practice.
BBJ
He's on to you, Sid.
You're not smart, Freedman, you're dumb, very dumb! But you met your match in ME!
Captain, is it true that God answers all prayers?
CChandler
Yes. Sometimes the answer is no.
(to Potter) When can I have him? Give me a medical decision now! The last CO they had here couldn't make a decision without a month's warning.
I'm not fond of personal abuse, Colonel. I was in this man's Army when the only thumb you cared about was the one you had in your mouth.
S4Dear Peggy
(Hawkeye is teaching Koreans to speak English)
I will get the nurse.
South Koreans (with limited English): I will get the nurse.
Frank Burns eats worms.
SKSouth Koreans
Frank Burns eats worms.
(at show end)
(talking about a patient): Is he going to be all right?
Well, we could be bombed, there could be an avalanche, or Frank could operate on him again.
Twerp.
(Hawkeye turns and points to the South Koreans)
SKSouth Koreans
You tell him, Ferret Face.
(BJ intervenes to save a patient Frank gave up on)
You're going over my head, Hunnicutt!
Everything's over your head, Frank!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.