Sam Flagg quotes from M*A*S*H

My orders are to do whatever it takes to break up this penicillin ring, and I have written permission to die in the attempt!

It all depends on HQ.

Henry

HQ.

Why did you say HQ? Whoever told you about HQ?

Henry

Well, you told me, Colonel Flagg.

Who's Colonel Flagg?

Frank

Arrest me?? What for, for heaven's sake!

You're a communist!

He's a facist!

Frank

I'm not either! I'm nothing!

We'll vouch for that.

You are very smart, Freedman.

Hawkeye

I told you.

You're only saying Chandler flipped out so I will have you busted and you can return to your safe cozy civilian practice.

He's on to you, Sid.

You're not smart, Freedman, you're dumb, very dumb! But you met your match in ME!

(to Potter) When can I have him? Give me a medical decision now! The last CO they had here couldn't make a decision without a month's warning.

I'm not fond of personal abuse, Colonel. I was in this man's Army when the only thumb you cared about was the one you had in your mouth.

All right, pipsqueak, how'd you know it was me?

Radar

Well, sir, you don't look anything like yourself. And since you're a master of disguises, I figure only you could look that much not like you.

I'll buy that. But if you cross me, you could get a "Number Eight."

Radar

(nervously) What's that?

Have you ever heard of the Malaysian chest-implosion torture?

Radar

No.

Good. Because there's no such thing. Yet.

What is this idiocy about?

Your spy ring.

Spy ring?

Very clever, hiding under a house of cards while you plot the overthrow of the free world.

Hawkeye

He's got us, guys, we might as well confess. I'm Joe Stalin. Mao Tse-Tung, Marshall Tito, and, of course, you already know Lenin. What can I say, we couldn't get a room in the Kremlin.

Flagg, put that thing down! I don't know how your nimble brain cooked up this goofy plot, but you just bought yourself a peck of trouble!

Says the ringleader!

Hawkeye

Do you have any idea who these two gentlemen are?!

I'll get to that when I'm ready. All right, who are you?

I am Doo Pak.

The mayor of Ouijongbu!

Hawkeye

And this is his baby brother, Hung Pak, Chief of Police!

It doesn't add up. The map, the evidence.

Charles

You, of all people, should know never to trust a North Korean.

Flagg, you'll pay for this, right through your twitchy nose!

I got a lot of big contacts at I-Corps. They'll fix your wagon!

I see it now! This is bigger than all of you! This is a major conspiracy, and I will get to the bottom of this, even if I have to go right to the top!