Kelly Bundy quotes from Married... with Children

Al

I'm not going to tell you now, but I have a special surprise in mind.

Bud

You got a bumper sticker that says, "My Other Car is My Feet"?

Kelly

You used your finger to make a really cool racing stripe in the dirt on the side of the car?

Peg

You got a new 8-track of "Hotel California"? We can crank it as we're towed down the freeway?

Kelly

Well, I just saved your worthless hides, and I think I deserve a hearty, "Good job, Kelly, thank you."

Al

Well, you might have gotten a nice thank you if you hadn't said we'd move faster if we lightened the load, then unhitched the horse!

Kelly

[on Seven] He's not even a real Bundy.

Bud

He's no kind of Bundy! Bundy's a name you earn. Our emotional scars run so deep you can almost see them.

Al

Yep, it's a point of pride. Ever since the day the first Bundy stepped off the Mayflower... halfway over. They never found him, but they recorded his final words: "Methinks we're here!" Pioneers like that, and ourselves, we're the real Bundys. Why, that kid never had to hear any kind of real rejection. Not until he's heard, "the service entrance is in back!"

Bud

Or, "not even for fifty bucks."

Kelly

Yeah, or "don't ruin it by talking."

Kelly

Did something die in here?

Bud

That would be me. It's my new cologne. My own secret little recipe. I call it "A Touch of Bud."

Kelly

Yeah, well, if anyone knew what a touch of Bud was, it could only be you.

Bud

And nobody does it better.

Kelly

Daddy.

Al

What?

Kelly

I forgot. Oh, yeah! Daddy.

Al

What?

Kelly

I forgot again. Don't say "what" next time.

Al

Okay, Pumpkin.

Kelly

Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. DADDY!

Al

WHAT?

Kelly

Now you made me forget again.

Kelly

Daddy.

Al

Damn, what is that good for to do? You just gonna forget.

Kelly

No, I won't. Daddy.

Al

What?

Kelly

I forgot.

Kelly

(calmly) Daddy, beat him up.

Al

(instantly) Of course, pumpkin.

Al

And that's why cable will never replace the moviegoing experience. (puts his arms around Peg, Bud, and Kelly's shoulders)

Kelly

What time is it?

Bud

12:15.

Kelly

A.M. or B.M?

Kelly

You know, has it ever occurred to them it would make far better sense to call it P.M. as in postmeridian? There are times I feel I am alone in this world that doesn't make sense.

It's time for Jerry Srpinger, the mas......

Al

Tonight's brodcast of the Masculine Feminist has been commandeered by the secret society called NO MA'AM. The National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood.

Al

I would reveal my true identity, but for political reasons, I can not. But do not take me lightly, I once played football in high school.

Kelly

That guy played football in high school.

Al

[Al takes off trench coat to reveal a floral print muumuu] What?

Kelly

How much did they cut off, Daddy?

Kelly

Bud, Mom and Dad are coming home tommorrow. Is there any way I talk you into taking full balme for this?

Bud

Sure. You can find me a woman who wont say no.

Kelly

So there's no way then.

Kelly

Well this is just as much your fault. If you had of doubted me like you always do this never would have happened.

Bud

Nice try Pyronymph!

Bud

I didn't have anything to do with this, I was out with a girl.

Kelly

And do you really think thier going to believe that?

Bud

I am sure Mom is having a good time so she will not suspect anything amiss.

Kelly

Hello?

Peg

Is my couch OK?

Kelly

Oh, hi Mom.

Peg

I sense something is wrong.

Kelly

Well, you know Bud could have broken his arm or I could have been kidnapped.

Peg

I don't care about that you zagnut! Is my couch OK?

Kelly

Um, yeah, why do you ask?

Peg

When my bottom got red hot I knew I had to call home.

Hi, I'm the building code inspector. Are you the one that called?

Al

I am. (blinks, then points): Aren't you...

No! Don't even ask. I'm not him. I've never been him. I can't even stand the little creep. (as he walks in the Bundy house): Now, I understand you wanted to report an illegal driveway.

Al

Yes, I did, Inspector. (points outside): That one right out there. If you look carefully, you can see that it's built nowhere near code. I know, because I built it myself out of ground-up women's shoes. How much is the fine?

Al

I see, and what if I said I built it that way just to make you look like an idiot?

Bud

And what if we called you a moron to boot?

Kelly

Are you sure you're not Gary Coleman from Diff'rnt Strokes?

No, I am not.

Kelly

Good. I hated that show.

Al

Don't give it to me. It's not my driveway. It belongs to those people right next door, but they might not let you in, because the only black person they respect is Ted Danson.

Bud

Where are you going?

Peg

We're going to the Burned Beyond Recognition concert. We received two free tickets as a consolation prize from the Rick Dees show.

Kelly

Wait, Daddy's the reason that we don't have those tickets. We should have them.

Al

Are you kidding me? You don't know what I had to go through to get those tickets. You don't know where I've been. And believe me, it wasn't Tahiti.

Bud

But Dad, you don't even like B.B.R.

Al

Well, I don't like S-E-X with M-O-M, but it's my J-O-B.