Peg quotes from Married... with Children, page 6 ... TV Quotes Database

Played by Kathleen Freeman

2nd most-quoted character in Married... with Children: in 176 of its 613 quotes
Most scenes with: Al Bundy (113), Bud Bundy (27), Kelly Bundy (25)

Scenes with Peg 159

Peg

Hi, Al. Did you have a good day?

I came home. How good could it have been?

(looking at the phone bill) Hey we qualify for the gold bill, family! [all getting excited hovering over Al] Family, please, let's all contain the excitement until after I'm dead.

Milwaukee. Milwaukee. That sounds like the town they centered around your mother, eh, Peg?

S4 E8 976-Shoe

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What can I do better than anyone else?

Kelly

Stink up a shoe?

Bud

Sweat through the couch?

Peg

Miss the toilet in the dark?

S4 E8 976-Shoe

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Bud

Hi, Mom.

Peg

Hi, Kelly.

Kelly

Hi, Mom.

Peg

Hi, Bud.

Hi, Peg. And before you say "Hi" to the milkman, it's me.

Peg

I know. I have a nose. By the way, honey, I saw you pushing your car home. Doesn't it work?

Peg, if you saw me pushing the car home, why didn't you help me?

Peg

Well, I saw the kids out there and I figured if they weren't gonna help, why should I?

Kids, I have a little family announcement to make. But since I don't have an actual family, I'll say it to you. I have decided that it's time for me to buy a new car.

Peg

I want a Cadillac.

Kelly

I want a Ferrari.

Bud

I want a Porsche.

Your wishes mean nothing to me. It's going to be my car, and I'll decide what I'm getting.

Bud

Yeah. Just don't get another weenie-mobile.

If I want a weenie-mobile, I'll buy a weenie-mobile. But at least it'll be a new weenie-mobile. A new car. At last. Everything I've ever owned has been used. My car, my house, my... [gives Peg a significant nod]

S4 E9 Oh, What A Feeling

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Peg

Aw, honey. I know what would make you feel better. But I'll never leave you, not in a million years. So, Al, what's the family plan for Christmas this year?

Bud

Five bowls a-flushing?

Peg

Four 'roids a-throbbing?

Kelly

Three nose hairs waving?

Bud

Two children starving?

Peg

One untouched wife.

S4 E11 It's A Bundyful Life: Part 1

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Peg

Al, just call a roofer.

There. Right there, Peg, is the problem with America. We've lost our spirit of self-reliance. Something's broken, call someone. Something's leaking, call someone. One of the kids suffers a ruptured appendix, call someone. Whatever happened to rugged American manhood?

Bud

Well we don't know yet, Dad. Kelly's tests haven't come back from the lab yet.

Kelly

Chew Dad's socks!

Bud

Eat Mom's food!

S4 E13 Who'll Stop The Rain

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Peg

It's a good thing I did the taxes. If claiming two children as dependents gets you $300, imagine what 23 kids is worth!

The gas chamber?

S4 E14 A Taxing Problem

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Peg

I want a vacation.

Peg, if you wanna visit someplace new, try the kitchen. Oh, and why don't you get a picture of yourself with the refrigerator. You know, "Ol' Empty"?

S4 E16 You Gotta Know When To Fold 'Em: Part 1

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Marcy

Peggy, I need to ask you something. Have you ever done something that you didn't remember the next day?

Peg

Well, having the kids.

Marcy

No, I mean have you ever done anything that you really regretted?

Peg

Having the kids.

S4 E22 The Agony Of Defeet

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Peg

Hi, Al. Did you miss me?

With every bullet so far.

S5 E1 We'll Follow The Sun

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Peg

So, are you really sick? You're not trying to get out of going to see my mother.

Now, Peg. That hurts. You know how much I love that huge fat woman.

S5 E2 Al...With Kelly

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Peg

So, are you really sick? You're not trying to get out of going to see my mother.

Now, Peg. That hurts. You know how much I love that huge fat woman.

[Bud enters Bundy residence]

Peg

Oh good, Bud is back from the store. Did you get our gift for Grandma? Remember, it was one of those "larger women romance novels".

Bud

Yes, I remember. They were all sold out of The Pie Man Always Rings Twice, so I had to go with her second choice, The Red Fudge of Courage.

S5 E2 Al...With Kelly

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Al{on the phone}: Hello, Jim's Fish, Chips & Insurance? How much would it cost to add my son to the plan? How old? Let me see.

Bud, how old are you?

Bud

Sixteen, Dad.

Al{on the phone}: He is sixteen...What! If you think I'm gonna pay that much... you're as stupid as those cats you trap and call tuna...You know, when you insult my wife, Jim, you don't hurt me.

Peggy

Well, what'd he say, Al?

Nothing I haven't said myself.

Al{on the phone}: Seriously Jim, I need to ask, is this the best you can do for a lifetime friend and someone who did not tell the police what your catch of the day really was? Oh ho, well if you want to be that way you can take your insurance and stuff it, all of it!

Al hangs up

There! Al Bundy takes guff from no one!

Peg, Kelly & Bud{in unison}: Cheap, cheap, cheap!

Peg

Al, aren't you worried about being uninsured?

Peg, we don't need insurance. Insurance is like marriage. You pay and pay, and never get anything back! Besides, the car isn't worth more than 100 bucks with both kids in it.

S5 E3 Sue Casa, His Casa

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Peg

Gee, honey, you look like Tarzan...if he was old and gay.

Well, Peg, if you were Jane, believe me, he would be.

S5 E3 Sue Casa, His Casa

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Peg

I'm not cooking tonight, you know.

Uh-oh. Then I guess I just have to live on love.

Peg

Not with me. I'm on strike.