Luckily the cop liked oldies, so he beat me with his nightstick to the tune of "Hey Jude." Then he wrote me up 18 tickets, including the one for bleeding on his pad.
“Sue Casa, His Casa” · Season 5, Episode 3
In this episode: Al Bundy (4), Bud Bundy (3), Peg (2), Kelly Bundy (1), Peggy Bundy (1)
Al{on the phone}: Hello, Jim's Fish, Chips & Insurance? How much would it cost to add my son to the plan? How old? Let me see.
Bud, how old are you?
Sixteen, Dad.
Al{on the phone}: He is sixteen...What! If you think I'm gonna pay that much... you're as stupid as those cats you trap and call tuna...You know, when you insult my wife, Jim, you don't hurt me.
Well, what'd he say, Al?
Nothing I haven't said myself.
Al{on the phone}: Seriously Jim, I need to ask, is this the best you can do for a lifetime friend and someone who did not tell the police what your catch of the day really was? Oh ho, well if you want to be that way you can take your insurance and stuff it, all of it!
Al hangs up
There! Al Bundy takes guff from no one!
Peg, Kelly & Bud{in unison}: Cheap, cheap, cheap!
Al, aren't you worried about being uninsured?
Peg, we don't need insurance. Insurance is like marriage. You pay and pay, and never get anything back! Besides, the car isn't worth more than 100 bucks with both kids in it.
Gee, honey, you look like Tarzan...if he was old and gay.
Well, Peg, if you were Jane, believe me, he would be.
Dad, all my friends are driving.
Well, if all your friends were getting married, would you do that too?
Al (to Bud): Son, let this be a lesson to you: Never do tequila shooters within a country mile of a marriage chapel.
Fly.
(Kelly smiles, then socks Bud in the stomach)
Tapeworm.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.