Married... with Children · Season 4, Episode 11
“It's A Bundyful Life: Part 1” · Season 4, Episode 11
In this episode: Al Bundy (4), Peg (1), Kelly Bundy (1), Bud Bundy (1), Angel (1)
Aw, honey. I know what would make you feel better. But I'll never leave you, not in a million years. So, Al, what's the family plan for Christmas this year?
Five bowls a-flushing?
Four 'roids a-throbbing?
Three nose hairs waving?
Two children starving?
One untouched wife.
[to some kids] Who wants to hear about the red-haired Grinch that stole Uncle Al's life?
Al is knocked out. He is revived by a strange man
Hey Al, are you OK?
How did you know my name?
Because I am your guardian angel.
Then prove it. If you are an angel can you make my Christmas lights work?
Angel snaps fingers and lights are fully functional
Nice! Hmm, what else could I ask for?
Oh come on Bundy, do not be a wish pig!
You are right. Tell you what, forget about the lights and use your power to make the Hee Haw girls appear.
Angel{laughing}: I have been waiting for them to die too!
'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
No food was a-stirrin'
Not even a mouse.
Stockings were hung 'round Dad's neck like a tie.
Along with a note that said, "Presents or Die!"
Children were plotting all night in their beds.
While the wife's constant whining was splitting his head.
But Daddy had money
This year in the bank.
But then they closed up early
Now Dad's in the tank.
(later on)
...then all of a sudden, Santa appeared.
A sneer on his face
And booze on his beard.
"Santa," I said as he laughed merrily,
"You do so much for others.
"Do something for me"
"Bundy," he said, "You only sell shoes
"Your son is a sneak-thief
"Your daughter's a flooze
"Ho-ho," Santa said, "Shall I mention your wife?
"Her hair's like the A-bomb
"Her nails are like knives"
Then he went to the chimney
That fat piece of dung
He mooned me two times
Then stuck out his tongue.
And I heard him exclaim
As he broke wind with glee,
"You're married with children! You'll never be free."
Christmas is not the time for regrets, that's what anniversaries are for.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
