[Lilo, Stitch and the hula girls are visiting the planetarium]
We're up so high, I bet we're in space already.
This is almost as cool as the real outer space.
Stop saying you've been to outer space, Lilo.
MertleReal astronauts have spacesuits. You don't got a spacesuit.
YTYuki, Teresa, and Elena
YYEEEEEAAAAAHHH!!
Mertle
The only place you've been is Planet Weirdo!
But it's true! Me and Stitch-- [realizes Stitch is gone] Stitch? [Stitch is swinging on a planet model] Stitch!
[Hämsterviel, trying to escape from Finder, bumps into Mertle outside the pet shop]
Mertle
A talking gerbil!
I AM NOT A GERBIL!! And what are you staring at, you multiple-eyed biped? Have you never before seen a criminal genius? [Mertle picks him up and puts him in her backpack] Unhand me, or I will have you and all members of your family ruined in-physically!
Mertle
Wait'll I take him to show-and-tell.
[Mertle is talking to Hämsterviel]
Mertle
And I'm sorta the leader of these girls. But sometimes, I think they don't even like me.
Ah! That is your first mistake! It doesn't matter if your minions like you. They only need to fear you!
Mertle
Huh. I never thought about that way. [hears a ship landing outside] Now what?
Dr. Hämsterviel, I am here to apprehend you on orders of the Galactic Federation!
[Gantu kidnaps Hämsterviel and Mertle and taking them to the Grand Councilwoman]
Mertle
This looks familiar.
I cannot believe this aquatic excuse for a captain! He has turned on me!
Mertle
It's like you said: Where's the loyalty?
Gantu is a disgrace! You, a mere child of a primate peoples, could do his job a hundred... no, a thousand times better!
Mertle
I could?
Believe me, you could! Perhaps, when you have completed your education, you could come work for me!
[Lilo accidentally clones Stitch with Dupe after wanting more friends; she takes the clones to her hula class]
Hey, guys. I missed you at my slumber party.
Mertle
We have a scheduling conflict.
That's okay. Let me introduce you to my new friends. [the three Stitches clean their noses with their tongues]
Mertle
There goes hula class.
By the way, I'm having another slumber party tonight, with a levitation.
Mertle
Oh, really?
Yep. Only this time, you're not invited. Right, guys?
ATAll three Stitches
YYYEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!
It's good to have a posse.
Hey, look. Lilo's back with her little tiny friend.
He's not tiny. He's just right.
Mertle
That's so sweet! Now get to the back of the line! We're gonna on the ride before you!
RORide Operator
OK, next! [sees Lilo and Stitch] Oh, hey, little miss! Come on in. You know you brought me the most popular ride in the carnival.
[Mertle is shocked that Lilo and Stitch go on the ride, which is really Shortstuff]
[Mertle agrees to give Gantu Slugger in exchange for him being in her team]
Mertle
Hey, Weirdlo! Ready to meet your doom?
We're going to destroy you.
You're cheating! You put Gantu on your team!
Mertle
So? You have a new player, too!
Mertle
You're just scared!
Mertle
Then let's sweeten the bet: Whoever wins, gets him! [points to Slugger]
Slugger?! I bet I know whose idea that is. [looks up at Gantu, chuckling evilly] You're on! I'll even have you first at bat.
Mertle
Who said we were playing baseball? I thought we'd play basketball this time.
Mertle
You did say any time, any place, any game!
But I... I didn't mean to!
[after Stitch successfully uses Lilo as a puppet to perform her hula dance]
Mertle
That was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
That was the most incredible thing I've ever seen! Unique! Daring! Original! You're Nani's sister, aren't you? [hands Stitch a card] I could use your help. A very important guest is coming here tomorrow, and I'd like you to be our aloha greeter at the airport.
I will not take no for an answer! I'm gonna be late for the meeting! Here's the info, good luck!
Good work, today, class. But before you go, I have a reminder: Tomorrow is the Ohana-rama Trivia Championship. And this year, we have an outstanding grand prize. [hands fliers to Lilo and the hula girls]
Mertle
Oh, goody. I get a prize!
And what makes you think your family's gonna win, Mertle?
Mertle
Because we always win.
It's a brand new computer! [the girls squeal in delight] So brush up on your trivia!
But you already have a computer!
Mertle
Three, actually. That's why I'm a child progidy.
I bet Lilo's not smart enough to even have a computer.
I have advanced alien technology computers. And then there's my dog. He knows molecular physics!
[Stitch dashes away and back, showing his model of DNA strand made of bamboo shoots and coconuts]
Mertle
I always knew you were dense, Lilo, but I didn't know you could be outsmarted by a dog.
YTYuki, Teresa, and Elena
YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!
Mertle
But I know one thing for sure: If your family is half as thick as you are, you don't stand a chance at the Ohana-Rama.
[Lilo, Jumba and Pleakley are competing against Mertle, her mother, and her aunt Stacy in the Ohana-rama]
True or false: There is firm evidence of aliens from other planets visiting Earth.
[gasps] True! [Yaarp adds 10 points to the Pelekai's score chart]
I'm sorry that's incorrect. [Yaarp reluctantly takes the ten points away] Edmonds?
Mertle
False! Only Weirdlo's weird enough to believe in aliens!
[Lilo finds out that Mertle is cheating by making Teresa look up the answers to every question Moses asked]
Come on, Stitch. No one's supposed to be back here. [sees Teresa typing her laptop]
Moses hasn't asked a science question in a while, so I'll keep that page open.
[Lilo then looks at Mertle, wearing an earpiece up close]
Mertle
[responding] Good. Just be ready to tell me the answers.
Mertle's cheating! No wonder she seems so smart. [looks at Spike as an idea pops in her head, and smirks] Poor Teresa. Having to do slave work for Mertle. I bet she could use a hug.
[Spike runs up and pokes his quills in Teresa while hugging her, making her all goofy]
[screams] Get off me! Buh!
Come on, Stitch. I think we can handle Mertle now.
Mertle, this next question is for you. Complete this phrase: "For every action, there is an equal and opposite... blank."
Mertle
Oh, a science question. That's easy. For every action, there is an equal and opposite...
[goofily] Bucket of monkeys!
Mertle
Bucket of monkeys. [the audience bursts out, laughing] That's not what I meant! I meant...
I'm sorry. That's incorrect. Lilo's team?
Considering multidimensional pull of deltarian antimatter-
[Yaarp honks and adds 10 points to Lilo's team]
Hmm. Is highly oversimplified.
Mertle
[enraged] THAT'S NOT FAIR!
SAunt Stacy
Oh, be quiet, Maureen.
Mertle
[pulls her aunt by the shirt] My name is Mertle! [gets back in her seat]
Maybe Aunt Stacy and I should answer some questions now, dear.
Mertle
No! It won't happen again! It better not!
[Moses volunteers two players to compete in the lightning round and Lilo faces off against Mertle and wins the championship]
Mertle
Weirdlo? I'm playing against you? This is gonna be easier than I thought.
You don't scare me, Mertle.
Are you ready, girls? First question. Where is the Eiffel Tower located?
Mertle
In the bathroom.
10 points for Lilo. What did Neil Armstrong say when he landed on the moon?
Mertle
"Tastes like chicken."
"This is one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."
Correct! How many feet are in a mile?
Mertle
Bundt cake!
Mertle
Chauncey Pickles!
[as Mertle agitatedly twitches her left eye] And the score is tied.
[goofily] I like pickles!
[Mertle furiously takes off the earpiece, throws it on the ground, and crushes it with her foot]
This is your final question. What is the Hawaiian word for "friendship"?
Mertle
[speechless] What kind of question is that? I don't know anything about friendship.
That's correct. Lilo's team wins!
[The audience cheers and applauds]
Mertle
No fair! That was a dumb question.
Just because you didn't know it, doesn't mean it was dumb, Mertle.
Congratulations, Lilo. Your family wins the new computer and encyclopedias on DVD.
Mertle
[storming off in rage with her mom and Aunt Stacy] I can't believe we lost! This is the WORST day of my life! [Spike overhears her and rushes over to hug her, pricking his quills in her butt] Stop hugging me! Ouch! Hey, that you--uh, [acts all goofy] Duh!
[Stitch spies on Lilo's hula class from the doorway]
Good hula class, keiki. But before you go, it's time to start thinking about ideas for our annual fundraiser.
I have one! Okay, what does this island need more than anything?
Mertle
Less weirdos?
Vampires! People love vampires! And they pay good money for them to come to their luaus, weddings, and office parties. So we put on fangs, and people pay us a dollar to chase them! [pause] Or how about this? Book sale! We all write a super scary vampire book, and we each sell one million copies!
Mertle
Ew! Girls, what smells?! Oh, it's Lilo's ideas!
[Yuki, Teresa and Elena laugh; Lilo charges at Mertle, but Moses holds her back]
Does anyone else have an idea?
But I didn't get to the part where we all star in the movie version!
Mertle
How about selling candy bars?
[all the other hula girls clamor in agreement]
[everyone stares at Lilo]
[Mertle has one the fundraising competition and wins the year supply of shave ice]
LLoki
You sure you want another one, Mertle?
Mertle
Yes!
Mertle
[lying on a bench overweight] I won a year supply! No limit! I'm gonna eat more shave ice than anybody ever! Even if it makes me... [a shave ice lands in her mouth, making her groan] ...sick. [her face turns greens and she dashes away]
LLoki
You kids know your friend is a little too competitive, right?
YTYuki, Teresa, and Elena
YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHH!!
[Teenage Lilo and Stitch go to the movies and run into Teenage Mertle]
TMTeenage Mertle
[laughs] That is the ugliest outfit I have ever seen!
TLTeenage Lilo
Mertle?! It's me, Lilo!
TMTeenage Mertle
Weirdlo?! From when we were kids?! Well, that certainly explains your ridiculous getup!
TLTeenage Lilo
For your information, these are the latest fashions.
TMTeenage Mertle
Yeah, from ten years ago, maybe! Try picking up a current fashion book once in a while.
Lilo & Stitch: The Series · 382 quotes
