Hämsterviel quotes from Lilo & Stitch: The Series

Hämsterviel

Gantu?! What is going on?! Gantu?! What's that music?!

Hämsterviel

GAAAAAAANNNNTUUUUUUUUUUUh!!!!

Hämsterviel

You have an experiment? Give it to me! FASTER!!! Why are you so slow, you slow sharky thing?! You are the most incompetent of incompetence! And another I have been meaning to tell you... [Hunkahunka pecks him, causing him to feel a love connection with Gantu] I think I love you!

Gantu

Really? Tell me more.

Hämsterviel

Like that idiotic look on your face when you have no clue what you are doing, it is so disgustingly cute! And all those stupid things you say, oh, how you make me laugh! I love it!

Gantu

Oh, blitznack.

Hämsterviel

Well, where is my stink bomb?!

Gantu

I'm afraid the little girl and the abomination...

Hämsterviel

Again?! You with your large stomping feet and shooting blaster can't get one experiment from a little girl?! Tell me how lame you are! TELL ME!!!

Whoa! Hmm, well, there's no right answer there. I'd put it somewhere in the S's between "Shockingly lame" and "Stunningly lame".

Gantu

Please. I'm having a meeting.

Hämsterviel

Stop it with the not paying attention to me! Now get that experiment before I come there and nibble your flabby knuckles, you blue-tinted, offspring of a fish!

Gantu

Yessir!

Hämsterviel

Contact Gantu.

Gantu

Yes, Dr. Hämsterviel?

Hämsterviel

Explain to me, you overgrown sea bass, why mechanic hamster on cam holds no evil genetic experiments?

Gantu

There haven't been any experiments activated recently…

Warning: Experiment 520 activated.

Gantu

...until now.

Hämsterviel

Mmm-hmm, and, uh, what are you waiting for? GET IT AND SEND IT TO ME!!!

Hämsterviel

Still waiting... Where is it?!

Gantu

It'll be there any second, sir.

Hämsterviel

Any second is too slow! YOU'RE FIRED! F-I-R-E... [Amnesio finally arrives in his cell] Hello, what is this? [Amnesio zaps him in the eyes, erasing his memories] What? What was I saying? Who am I?

Gantu

Your name is Doofus. You're a dangerous criminal wanted in twelve galaxies!

Hämsterviel

Ooh, I am?

Gantu

Yes. Fortunately, you were trapped and captured by me: police officer Ace Jackson!

Warning. Experiment 383 activated.

Hämsterviel

An experiment is waiting for you and your bumbling fish mitts don't grab it for me! [notices Gantu watching TV] GANTU!

Gantu

[sighs] Yes, Dr. Hämsterviel, I'll get right on it, in just a minute.

Hämsterviel

Not in just a minute! Now, you lazy squid thing! NOW!

Gantu

But it's a marathon of Look at This!

It's chowder chop's favorite show.

Hämsterviel

Well, my favorite show is watching your fishy butt get hit by the door on your way out to CATCH MY EXPERIMENT!!!

Gantu

[sighs] Yes, sir. [to 625] Record it for me?

Well, I could do that, but I'm thinking the Sandwich Channel.

Have a peanut butter sandwich. Wait, wait, make that a peanut butter and sardine sandwich!

Gantu

[shoves the sandwich into his mouth] Delicious!

[chuckles] Now, hop on one foot and say "blah-blah-blah".

Gantu

Blah-blah-blah! [begins hopping around the ship] Blah-blah-blah!

Hämsterviel

What is the meaning of the silly hopping with the mouth filled with fancy-pancy nonsense?!

It's cool, Doc. Check this out. Hey, twinkle-toes, dance like a ballerina and tell Dr. Hämsterviel you're a big blubberhead.

Gantu

I'm a big blubberhead. [makes a goofy face and begins dancing like a ballerina]

Hämsterviel

[laughs] The large fishy one has succumbed to the powers of Experiment 383! I remember him. Big fun at parties. Gantu, stick out your tongue and make raspberry-like spitting noises!

And balance yourself on a rolling pin!

Hämsterviel

While juggling your sandwich-making thing stuff!

With a cake on your head!

Hämsterviel

And a cherry on top!

Gantu

No, no, no. I wasn't on vacation. [Fibber beeps loudly] It was an educational conference. [Fibber beeps again]

Hämsterviel

You lying lump of rubber! You're on probation! [disconnects; Gantu sighs and facepalms]

Y'know, Fib, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Hämsterviel

Gantu! Sleeping on the job?

Gantu

No, sir!

Hämsterviel

You think you're so funny with your pranky little pranks!

Gantu

Uh, pranks, sir?

Hämsterviel

[lifts up an empty shackle] Sending me nothing but shackles?! WHERE IS MY EXPERIMENT?!?

Hey, Gantu! So, I'm at the galley, getting some from fresh cold-cuts, and guess what I find nestled in with the tomatoes! TADA! [holds up an experiment pod marked 611]

Gantu

An experiment?! Give me that! [swipes the pod from 625 and looks up 611 from the container computer]

Experiment 611. Primary function: ultimate super weapon.

Wow! I found that?! Great! So, can I take early retirement?

Hämsterviel

Gantu, you know not to call during my power nap!

Gantu

My apologies, sir, but I thought you'd like to know that I recovered an ultimate super weapon experiment for you!

What?!

Hämsterviel

Stop making absurd with your absurdities! You could never manage such an important capture!

He didn't! I--

Gantu

[pushes 625 down] I'll have it in the transporter within the hour, sir.

Hämsterviel

Excellent! Now get out there and find me another experiment! [turns off contact]

Warning. Experiment 604 activated. Primary function: invisibility generator.

Gantu

That's one of the pods I lost to the little girl. If I find her, I find the experiment.

Hey, squid breath! Taking credit for my capture is bad karma! As in... YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!

Gantu

What do you mean the container is empty?!

Hämsterviel

EMPTY!!!! Like your head, you worthless lackey!

Gantu

May, I remind that I captured Experiment 611, the ultimate super weapon?!

Hämsterviel

You were looking at it UPSIDE DOWN!!! You sent me Experiment 119, a sticky chocolate experiment designed to smother with it's gooey sweetness! [119 (AKA Fudgy) covers Hamsterviel with chocolate] Help! Help! Gantu! You will pay for this!

Gantu

[to 625; threateningly] If you say one word--

Karma! Karma, karma, karma! [Gantu hits him] OWWW!!!

Hämsterviel

Tell me, you unattractive talking experiment with such a gigantic nose, what do Gantu and 625 say about me?

Nosy

Not much. They mostly just sit around making up names for you. Rat-face...

Hämsterviel

What?!

Nosy

Hämsterjerk...

Hämsterviel

What?!

Nosy

Geisterviel!

Hämsterviel

WHAT?!

Nosy

If you want, I should repeat them?

Hämsterviel

NO!! I reject you and your huge nose! I'm sending you back to Gantu with some unflattering nicknaming of my own! [teleports Nosy back to Gantu's ship]

[notices Nosy] Hey! [throws his magazine at Gantu]

Gantu

HEY!!

The town gossip's back!

Gantu

You again?!

Nosy

Snagged rat-face's journal! It's gold!

Gantu

Really?

Nosy

Did you know Hämsterviel sleeps with a pacifier? He also wears platform shoes to make him look threatening. [Gantu takes the journal] And his dental habits, don't get me started!

Gantu

[whispers to 625] Get rid of him.

Mertle

A talking gerbil!

Hämsterviel

I AM NOT A GERBIL!! And what are you staring at, you multiple-eyed biped? Have you never before seen a criminal genius? [Mertle picks him up and puts him in her backpack] Unhand me, or I will have you and all members of your family ruined in-physically!

Mertle

Wait'll I take him to show-and-tell.

Mertle

And I'm sorta the leader of these girls. But sometimes, I think they don't even like me.

Hämsterviel

Ah! That is your first mistake! It doesn't matter if your minions like you. They only need to fear you!

Mertle

Huh. I never thought about that way. [hears a ship landing outside] Now what?

Gantu

Dr. Hämsterviel, I am here to apprehend you on orders of the Galactic Federation!

Mertle

This looks familiar.

Hämsterviel

I cannot believe this aquatic excuse for a captain! He has turned on me!

Mertle

It's like you said: Where's the loyalty?

Hämsterviel

Gantu is a disgrace! You, a mere child of a primate peoples, could do his job a hundred... no, a thousand times better!

Mertle

I could?

Hämsterviel

Believe me, you could! Perhaps, when you have completed your education, you could come work for me!