Lilo & Stitch: The Series · Season 2, Episode 1
[Experiment 319 is activated and fires his quills in Dr. Okra's buttocks]
Ow! What is that thing?! A mutant porcupine or-or… [starts acting all goofy] Uh, buh!
Ladies and gentlemen, the smartest person in the world, Dr. Gladys Okra!
[walks goofily on the stage in front of the audience; singing nonsense] Duh! Wee! ♪ The tummy bone's connected to the head bone ♪
Good work, today, class. But before you go, I have a reminder: Tomorrow is the Ohana-rama Trivia Championship. And this year, we have an outstanding grand prize. [hands fliers to Lilo and the hula girls]
Oh, goody. I get a prize!
And what makes you think your family's gonna win, Mertle?
Because we always win.
It's a brand new computer! [the girls squeal in delight] So brush up on your trivia!
But you already have a computer!
Three, actually. That's why I'm a child progidy.
I bet Lilo's not smart enough to even have a computer.
I have advanced alien technology computers. And then there's my dog. He knows molecular physics!
[Stitch dashes away and back, showing his model of DNA strand made of bamboo shoots and coconuts]
Bark, bark!
I always knew you were dense, Lilo, but I didn't know you could be outsmarted by a dog.
YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!
But I know one thing for sure: If your family is half as thick as you are, you don't stand a chance at the Ohana-Rama.
[Stitch has successfully captured Experiment 319; unfortunately, he was pricked by a quill and is acting goofy]
Jumba, why aren't you affected by Spike?
Spike?
Experiment 319. I'm calling him Spike.
Name is all too appropriate. But to answer question, even Jumba's superior alien bottom is not immune to spiky spikes.
Then how come you're not acting dopey like Stitch?
La-la-la.... La-la-la...
Ah, for because Jumba designed Experiment 319 to take normally intelligent planetary population, and increase silly goof factor by 99%, leaving only 1% clever.
So?
So, even 1% Jumba brains is super genius. [laughs]
[While Lilo teaches Stitch from scratch, Pleakley gathers up Fibber, Bonnie, Clyde, Nosy, Slushy, Yaarp, Splodyhead, and Spike in the living room]
It looks like we're all here, so let's begin. Using my extensive Earth expertise, I've adapted Dr. Okra's theories into my very own seminar entitled "Evil Attitude Remodification and Wayward Anger Extraction." Or as I like to call it, E.A.R.W.A.X.! [Nosy groans] We'll begin with Level 1: Sharing. Fibber here will buzz if you don't tell the truth, so please speak openly and honestly. Does anyone have anything they like to share with the group? [the experiments all stare at him in boredom] Anybody?
Well, I have something, but...
Oh, no, no! Please, go on, Nosy. You'll feel much better if you just get it off your chest.
Okay! His antenna thingy, it isn't really green. [the experiments gasp in shock; Pleakley gives a shocked look on his face]
Wait a minute, you...
Nope! He's going prematurely orange, but dyes it green at night so no one would notice!
No, I don't!
[Fibber beeps loudly]
And that's not all: he plucks his unibrow!
[clamps Nosy's mouth shut] That's enough! You're supposed to share things about yourself, not other people, especially me!
I'll share something about myself: I'm bored! I'm too smart for this stuff!
[Fibber beeps again; Bonnie tries to grab him, but Clyde grabs her with his mechanical arm]
Hey, Bonnie, if you're so smart, how come we ended up in the slammer?
Ah, can it, Clyde! It's your fault we got nabbed in the first place!
[Fibber beeps again; Clyde laughs while Bonnie angrily raves]
[A big fight occurs during Pleakley's E.A.R.W.A.X. session; Pleakley is enraged that nothing went according to plan]
THAT'S IT!! DR. OKRA SAYS WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HUGGING AND CRYING!! WE'RE GONNA HUG AND CRY!!!! [Spike turns towards Pleakley] Oh, boy. Me and my big mouth! [dashes away and comes back wearing a suit of armor, much to the dumbfounded expressions of the experiments] I don't think you're evil! I think you're special! You just need a big hug.
[Pleakley picks up Spike and hugs him, making him struggle for a moment before breaking down and sobbing; the other experiment shed tears and "aw" in response]
[tearfully] I'm sorry, Clyde.
I'm sorry, Bonnie. [they both hug; Slushy and Splodyhead do the same]
I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry!
[Fibber beeps loudly and Nosy sobs]
[Lilo, Jumba and Pleakley are competing against Mertle, her mother, and her aunt Stacy in the Ohana-rama]
True or false: There is firm evidence of aliens from other planets visiting Earth.
[gasps] True! [Yaarp adds 10 points to the Pelekai's score chart]
I'm sorry that's incorrect. [Yaarp reluctantly takes the ten points away] Edmonds?
False! Only Weirdlo's weird enough to believe in aliens!
[Lilo finds out that Mertle is cheating by making Teresa look up the answers to every question Moses asked]
Come on, Stitch. No one's supposed to be back here. [sees Teresa typing her laptop]
Moses hasn't asked a science question in a while, so I'll keep that page open.
[Lilo then looks at Mertle, wearing an earpiece up close]
[responding] Good. Just be ready to tell me the answers.
Mertle's cheating! No wonder she seems so smart. [looks at Spike as an idea pops in her head, and smirks] Poor Teresa. Having to do slave work for Mertle. I bet she could use a hug.
[Spike runs up and pokes his quills in Teresa while hugging her, making her all goofy]
[screams] Get off me! Buh!
Come on, Stitch. I think we can handle Mertle now.
Mertle, this next question is for you. Complete this phrase: "For every action, there is an equal and opposite... blank."
Oh, a science question. That's easy. For every action, there is an equal and opposite...
[goofily] Bucket of monkeys!
Bucket of monkeys. [the audience bursts out, laughing] That's not what I meant! I meant...
I'm sorry. That's incorrect. Lilo's team?
Considering multidimensional pull of deltarian antimatter-
Reaction!
That's correct.
[Yaarp honks and adds 10 points to Lilo's team]
Hmm. Is highly oversimplified.
[enraged] THAT'S NOT FAIR!
Oh, be quiet, Maureen.
[pulls her aunt by the shirt] My name is Mertle! [gets back in her seat]
Maybe Aunt Stacy and I should answer some questions now, dear.
No! It won't happen again! It better not!
[Moses volunteers two players to compete in the lightning round and Lilo faces off against Mertle and wins the championship]
Weirdlo? I'm playing against you? This is gonna be easier than I thought.
You don't scare me, Mertle.
Are you ready, girls? First question. Where is the Eiffel Tower located?
In the bathroom.
In the bathroom.
Paris, France.
10 points for Lilo. What did Neil Armstrong say when he landed on the moon?
"Tastes like chicken."
"This is one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."
Correct! How many feet are in a mile?
Bundt cake!
5,280.
Who wrote "Hamlet"?
Chauncey Pickles!
William Shakespeare!
[as Mertle agitatedly twitches her left eye] And the score is tied.
[goofily] I like pickles!
[Mertle furiously takes off the earpiece, throws it on the ground, and crushes it with her foot]
This is your final question. What is the Hawaiian word for "friendship"?
[speechless] What kind of question is that? I don't know anything about friendship.
That's easy. Pilialoha!
That's correct. Lilo's team wins!
[The audience cheers and applauds]
No fair! That was a dumb question.
Just because you didn't know it, doesn't mean it was dumb, Mertle.
Congratulations, Lilo. Your family wins the new computer and encyclopedias on DVD.
[storming off in rage with her mom and Aunt Stacy] I can't believe we lost! This is the WORST day of my life! [Spike overhears her and rushes over to hug her, pricking his quills in her butt] Stop hugging me! Ouch! Hey, that you--uh, [acts all goofy] Duh!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Lilo & Stitch: The Series pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
