Scenes with Mertle 33
[Lilo arrives at the Halloween party dressed up as a dead hula girl with scary makeup and a fake axe on her head, frightening all the other guests]
Isn't it cool? Watch this! [twangs her axe handle]
Yes, but… Well, maybe you should change it to something more like... like what your friends are wearing. [gestures to Mertle and the girls; who are all dressed up like princesses]
Princess, princess, princess, or princess?
MertleAt least we're not a weirdo, weirdo, weirdo, or weirdo!
YTYuki, Teresa and Elena
YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!
Okay. I'll be a princess, too.
Good idea. [as Lilo leaves] You go home, change, and then come back.
Mertle
Or go home, change, and don't come back!
[Moses sighs]
[Mertle Edmonds and the other hula girls exit the salon; Lilo hides the box Clip is in by sitting on it]
Mertle
Hey, Weirdlo! I didn't know you got your hair cut here!
Mertle
Of course you don't. They never even let you in the door with that mess.
Mertle
You would! Maybe you should try this. [hands Lilo a bottle of hair conditioner] You'll need it more than I do.
Wow! For me? "Hair Conditioner: For Taming Wild Unruly Hair?!" Hey!
Mertle
Don't be jealous. Not everyone can have perfect hair like me, especially not you.
YTYuki, Teresa, and Elena
YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!
[the girls laugh as they leave]
Mertle needs to be punished.
[Mertle and the girls walk by as Lilo and Stitch refuel their buggy]
Hey, there's Lilo! Should we invite her too?
Mertle
Weirdlo? No way. Why would we want her to come?
Hey, guys. Wanna see my new...
Mertle
No.
I didn't even say what it was yet.
Mertle
The answer is still no.
Okay. If you don't want to see the cutest thing ever.
Mertle
If you think bugs are cute, I bet whatever it is, it's ugly!
Yeah, well, you're wrong! He's even cuter than a potato...
[Mertle and the girls turn their attention to 254; they run up to his container to get a closer look]
Look at him! He is cuter than a potato!
Mertle
Ahem! [the girls huddle up with Mertle and they whisper something to each other, and then turn to Lilo] You are formally invited to the FHGH tea party tomorrow.
Really? YAAAAY!! Um, what's that?
Mertle
It's stands for "Future Hawaiian Girls of Hawaii". But you can only come if you bring him.
Mertle
Everybody, I have an announcement to make. [clears throat] Ahem. Tomorrow is the most important day of the year: my birthday! I'm having a super special birthday party! [gives out birthday invitations only to Yuki, Teresa, and Elena] Oh, look. No more invitations.
Well, that's okay. I wouldn't wanna come to your party anyway. Not with... that thing out there!
You mean to tell me that you've never heard of the... um... [notices a gecko] Geckoliki?
It's an ugly horrible creature, whose soul purpose is to devour birthday cake and partygoers with its bloody fangs!
Mertle
That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! And just for that, you're even more not invited now! Come on, girls! [she and the other girls leave]
Alright, but you'll be sorry! The Geckoliki is hungry for blood! AND FROSTING!!
[Stitch goes crazy after eating a whole barrel full of Kona coffee beans and chugs down water from a fire hydrant]
Mertle
Looks like your weird dog needs to go to obedient school.
YTYuki, Teresa and Elena
YYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!
Stitch is obedient! He just has a problem with coffee. Stitch! Shut it off!
[Stitch twists the hydrant and puts the valve back on]
[notices Mertle's new Shih-Tzu] You have a dog?
Mertle
We prefer the term, "fur-person". I found her. Her name is Gigi. She's going to the National Junior Dog Show in Honolulu this weekend.
[As Stitch goes near Gigi, she yaps loudly at him]
Mertle
But you wouldn't know anything about dog shows!
I know everything about dog shows!
[a chomp is heard and Lilo sees that Stitch has swallowed Gigi alive; Mertle screams]
Stitch! [pulls Gigi out of Stitch's mouth and gives her back to Mertle] Sorry. It's the coffee.
Mertle
[gasps] Gigi's clauffeur! [Lilo pull's Gigi's bow out of Stitch's mouth] Found it! [puts the bow back on Gigi]
[Gantu captures Gigi]
Mertle
My Gigi!
Experiment 007! Did not to recognize after so many grooming and watch ribbons!
Gigi... is an experiment?!
Sure! Very early project. Can lie down, sit, fetch, annoy neighbors with evil shrill bark.
[Lilo has been hypnotized by Swirly to be like Mertle, who happens to love Look at This! while Stitch is also hypnotized by him to love the show]
Mertle
Okay, first the left hip, and.... [notices Lilo, who has the same hairstyle and glasses as her] AHH! What are you doing here, Lilo?!
I'm not going to let you ruin our big TV debut with your boring old dance moves, Mer-Tle!
[dashes to the TV with a pillow and popcorn] Eeka toola!
Mertle
I thought you hated Look At This!
As if! You gotta love it!
[Mertle and the girls are calling for a radio contest to win tickets to an Elizabethan festival]
Mertle
Come on, come on!
HHost
Congratulations, Caller 12!
Mertle
What?! Already!
[the girls turn to see that Lilo was the lucky caller via payphone]
HHost
Yes! You and a group of your closest friends and adult guardians are going to the Elizabethan festival!
Mertle
I don't believe it!
I won the contest for you. Now we can all go to the festival.
Mertle
Nu-uh! We have somewhere better to be. Right, girls?
According to their homepage, the festival is way cool!
Plus, we're sick of playing dolls!
Mertle
Fine, if you wanna go with the freak, then go! I'm staying here!
[pause]
YTYuki, Teresa, and Elena
Okay! [they leave with Lilo and Stitch]
[Stitch, angered that he's not allowed to go to the festival, sees Mertle and pounces on her]
Mertle
What's the matter? Upset that your friend dumped you?
[releases Mertle] Amagata!
Mertle
Face it. You know she'd trade up someday.
[Since Lilo is too busy with the girls, Stitch reluctantly takes Mertle to find Experiment 586, who has grown huge due to all the metal it has eaten]
Mertle
We're not here because of that thing, are we?
Mertle
I don't like this anymore. Take me home!
[Stitch leaps out of the buggy]
Mertle
Hey, come back!
[Stitch throws a mailbox into 586's face, but it does not hurt it]
[586 kicks Stitch to the hood of the buggy]
Mertle
I'm never gonna get home with you in charge!
[Gantu holds Stitch and Mertle hostage after accidentally capturing them]
6625
I swear something's different about you. No shoes? Wait, I got it! Perm and red highlights!
Mertle
Hey, that was pretty funny what you did that tubby guy. You know, the face.
6625
Really? You think so?
Mertle
Oh, yeah! I know how be mean to people. What you did, it was special.
6625
I'm glad you said that, 'cause I was afraid I wasn't pushing the envelope. Y'know? Thinking outside the box.
Mertle
I hear ya.
6625
Hey, I got a prank I'm working on right now. You wanna take a look? I mean, if you got time.
Mertle
I got nothing but time!
6625
[chuckles] Oh, right. It's in the other room. [presses a button, releasing Mertle] I call it "Ants in Gantu's Pants". That's figurative, by the way...
[Mertle grabs 625 and traps him in her own containment chamber]
Mertle
That was so easy, it was sad. [releases Stitch] Come on. Let's get outta here.
[Lilo apologizes to Stitch for not treating him right and Stitch accepts her apology and forgives her; Mertle watches the whole thing from a pole]
Mertle
[slides down] My friends! You've come back!
Here's the thing: we tried going with Lilo, and didn't exactly work out. So...
We were thinking of going back to you, but only if we do something besides play dolls all the time.
Mertle
Oh, really? And what makes you think I would even take you back? I had a lot of fun without you. I chased a monster, then I got sucked into a gigantic spaceship, then...
Maybe this was a bad idea.
Yeah! Being alone has made her weird.
Mertle
Uh, just kidding! So, let's just be friends again. [the three girls continue glaring at Mertle; defeated] And play less dolls.
[Stitch manages to pull Sprout from the ground and puts him in the water tower, where he's now in his one true place]
I don't know if it's his one true place, but that's the only place I think Sprout could go.
OJOrchid Judge 1
Would you look at that?!
OJOrchid Judge 2
Wasn't that one of the entries in the orchid category.
OJOrchid Judge 3
Why, yes! Yes, it was! I think we've found our blue ribbon! [hands the blue ribbon to Lilo] Here you go, dear.
ZMZack Makeli
Y'know, if hadn't been for that overgrown dandelion, you'd have beat in the rodeo.
ZMZack Makeli
No, no, sir. You would've. I gotta admit it, 'cause a real cowboy either wins fair and square, or he loses fair and square, partner. [hands Stitch the rodeo belt]
[remembers the fact that she cheated and gives the ribbon to Mertle] Here.
Mertle
Is this a trick?
No. You won it fair and square, and I didn't. My Pully Cove is yours for a whole week.
Mertle
Really?!
Mertle
Hey! We can go to my Pully Cove without the weirdo for a whole week! [she and the girls cheer and leave]
A real cowboy knows how to lose, fair and square.
Lilo! Oh, Lilo, are you okay?
I guess a month would be fair.
[shocked and upset that his pineapple was destroyed by Sprout] My beautiful Pinormous! Innocence! Lost!
If we start planting for next year, I bet we could grow orchids that would kick Mertle's orcids' butt!
Wow! I didn't even know orchids have butts.
[Stitch waits for Lilo outside her hula class]
Last rehearsal is tomorrow morning. Everybody practice tonight.
Mertle
I don't need to practice. My hula story is already perfect. I call it "A Day in the Life of Mertle Edmonds." I thought it would be nice to share what it's like to be me. What's yours about this year, Weirdlo? Zombies again? [she and the other girls laugh; Stitch growls angrily at Mertle, but Lilo calms him down]
Not zombies, mummies! Big difference. But no, I have created an all new hula dance.
Mertle
Let me guess: It's about something gross?
Mertle
Mmm-hmm. Gross! We'll be sure to miss it.
YTYuki, Teresa and Elena
YYEEEEEAAAAAAHH!!
[as the hula girls laugh; Lilo and Stitch storm back home]
I'm gonna practice, alright. Until I'm better than perfect.
[Lilo gives her presentation on her idea to improve the hula school; Stitch pantomimes while she does this]
Ahem. Aliens are not folktales. They are real! And they can be deadly. Aliens are very sneaky. They can be 20 feet tall and look like a whale. [Stitch bends his ears to look like Gantu] Or they can disguise themselves as your very own uncle. [Stitch imitates Jumba's laugh] Or your very own aunt. [Stitch waves his arms wildly like Pleakley] They shoot laser beams and they can even rampage through a city. [Stitch rampages through a city made of fruit] Destroying everything in sight. They can strike anywhere at anytime. Including.... HERE!!
Mertle
That dog is so ugly!
The Kia Luhale is a happy place. [Stitch holds up Scrump] But only because we are blissfully ignorant of the alien scourge that threatens to enslave all of humanity. [Stitch throws Scrump on the ground and chews on her] Ending us to its twisting will, and making us eat limes!
Lilo! What is your idea to improve Kia Luhale?
I think we need to install an alien invasion alarm, for the good of all humankind.
Oh, and any friendly aliens who may or may not be living here disguised as my dog. [she and Stitch take a bow]
Lilo & Stitch: The Series · 382 quotes
