Jumba quotes from Lilo & Stitch: The Series

Jumba

[explaining Experiment 513] Quake today was teensy little jiggle to 513. He is programmed to look for weakest geological point on island, for to make one ginormous evil earthquake! [laughs maniacally] Most likely, 513 will have to look for big fault at base of volcano. Is imperative that he must never go underground... unless you want evil quake.

Jumba

[shapeshifts into Lilo] 316 can turn anyone… [then shapeshifts into Stitch] …into an exact duplicate of any other one.

Jumba

I am absolutely refusing to be wearing this! It's too itchy! [he scratches so rigorously that his belly soon comes through] And that is least of problems!

Pleakley

[Dressed as Cleopatra] But you have to wear it! The Queen of the Nile demands it! Besides, I am not missing out on trick-or-treating on my first night of Heelowatty!

Lilo

It's pronounced "Halloween". I need a new costume: a princess. Can you make it quick?

Pleakley

Can I? Well, let me tell you I have the fastest fingers in my primitive Earth custom: fleeced and pinking shears class.

Pleakley

I do declare, we look simply marvelous! Don't we look marvelous? I think we do!

Jumba

Frankly, my dear, I am not giving darn. I hate this costume!

Pleakley

Fine, I'll just start over then! A whole new concept! I'm thinking... sequins, satin, Spain! I got it! Matador! Ole!

Nani

You can't take her away from me! She needs me! I thought we worked this out.

Cobra

[as Lilo and Stitch return home] I'm… s-s-s-s-sorry.

Nani

Lilo!

Jumba

[hearing the crashing sound] What is that?

Nani

Lilo, no! Have you gone lolo?! Lilo! [screams in horror as "Cobra" morphs back into Experiment 300] Who… what is that?!

Lilo

Experiment 300! But I'm calling him, Spooky!

I give you the best years of my life, and this is the thanks I get?!

Jumba

Oh, no! Is Pleakley's worst fear. [Spooky then turns into his worst fear: his ex-wife] Ahhh! Is my worst fear: ex-wife!

When are you getting a real job?! Is like you never help around house!

Jumba

Allow me to be introducing Experiment 627!

EVIL!!!

Jumba

Has all strengths of 626, none of weaknesses. Does not sink in water, available in tasteful Earth-tone colors, and absolutely, positively, cannot be turned to good.

Evil, evil, evil!

Pleakley

Why would you make such an awful, snarling, clawing, growling little monster who can only say...

Evil!

Jumba

Ah, 626 needed a reality check. Besides, have plans lying around. You know, evil genius, use it or lose it.

Pleakley

This is completely against galactic regulations, and all good said, I'm going to--

Jumba

[grabs Pleakley] I have other old plans. Like maybe for experiment with giant finger for poking someone's giant eye!

Pleakley

Well, maybe the others don't need to know just yet. As long as it doesn't do anything...

Evil!

Lilo

It was incredible! Like nothing we've seen! It was even tougher than Stitch!

Stitch

Aketaba!

Jumba

So, 626 thinks severe pounding was one-time-only fluke, eh? [chuckles]

Lilo

Well, I don't. And which over experiment it is, we got to figure out how beat it.

Pleakley

I see you're searching Jumba's database of old experiments. I wonder if he has a file of more recent experiments, made as recently as, say, yesterday!

Jumba

You mean like experiment made to poke people in eyeball?!

Stitch

Huh?

Jumba

If creature you are looking for is as amazing as you say should be studied for science. [Pleakley points to Jumba while holding a screwdriver] Preserved in museum and... [notices Pleakley] Is one-eyed bigmouth trying to tell you something?

Lilo

Something about you having a screw loose.

Jumba

[grabs Pleakley] Ah, my silly friend! He is one with screw loose if he thinks I will let him tell you that I built 627! [stops as he realized what he just said; Lilo and Stitch gasp] Oh, I am very busted now!

Lilo

627?! You... made... A 627?!?

Pleakley

Ha! Who's afraid of the finger now, big boy?! WHO'S AFRAID NOW?!

Jumba

I-I-I confess! I confess. But now you see scientific achievement! You know that 627 is even better than 626.

Lilo

I'm proud of you, Stitch, for being self-cool and humble.

Stitch

Oh.

Pleakley

And I hope Jumba has learned his lesson about making those silly evil genius experiments. We oughta to make him do the dishes!

Lilo

Yeah! Hey, where is Jumba?

Jumba

So much for Experiment 627. Perhaps I'll have better luck next time.

Jumba

Open up, you greedy little genetic mistake!

Lilo

What's going on?

Jumba

Ah, little girl. 626 has many gifts that he is keeping to himself.

Lilo

Stitch! What are we gonna do with you? You've torn up half the town, stolen presents, made little kids cry. It's like your the spirit of Christmas ruin.

Jumba

[pulls out his plasma gun] I will teach him to share brightly wrapped goodies with evil genius WHO CREATED HIM!!!

Lilo

Don't! There's something wrong with Stitch. He needs our help. I know a secret way in.

Jumba

Yeah! Got you!

Lilo

Jumba, look out!

Lilo

Are you okay?

Jumba

Ah, I'm okay! I landed on my patookie!

Jumba

[repairing the house] Hey, what is wrong? Why the long branches?

Pleakley

I'm doing my best to represent a coniferous evergreen indicative of the holiday season, but no one seems to care!

Jumba

Heh. Maybe you need festive parcels.

Pleakley

What?

Jumba

Presents for to have underneath you.

Pleakley

Of course! Presents under the Christmas tree! I've been going about this backwards! Christmas isn't about the tree, it's about the presents under it!

Jumba

626 and little girl are stalking Gantu. They will bring presents.

Pleakley

No, no, no! I have to get my own! Otherwise, it doesn't really count! Jumba, it's time we took a little trip, to the mall!

Lilo

It's a world gone mad!

Pleakley

Lilo, it's called camouflage. He's supposed to think I'm an attractive Earth woman.

Jumba

[chuckles] Someone found Pleakley attractive?

Lilo

Not someone! KEONI!!! Poor guy must have ear bugs eating his brain.

Jumba

Hmm, I fear it could be possibly something far in the way worse. Here, look your eyeballs on this. Is Experiment 323. It must have been activated, and is loose on island. One peck from its beak causes victim to fall head over feet in love with the very next person they see! [laughs maniacally but then falls off his chair] Lovesickness is very destructive. Can bring entire societies crashing to standstill.

Lilo

Oh! So, Keoni just got pecked by your Hunkahunka Bird of Love experiment.

Jumba

He is only thing could explain sensible tweenage boy having crush on one-eyed noodle like Pleakley.

Pleakley

Oh, and I suppose he couldn't have just fallen for my brilliant Earth female disguise.

Lilo

I don't think so.

Jumba

Impossible!

Stitch

Naga.

Jumba

Ah, 626, good. Here you are. I have found antidote for lovesickness. Victim of 323 is affected by the proboscis injection in coordination with retinal stimuli. Therefore, a rehydration of optical nerves and surrounding sensory sensors will negate the effect.

Stitch

[confused] Huh?

Jumba

Spraying of water in face will cure lovesickness.

Lilo

Let's go, Stitch. Stitch!

Jumba

[takes ball] 626, what are you playing with? Looks like citrus orb.

Stitch

Okata! [swipes the ball back]

Lilo

He doesn't like people touching his orange ball. He's learning how to take care of things.

Jumba

Primitive Earth entertainment technology. Very entertaining.

Pleakley

Especially when he entertains by catching on fire. Fascinating.

Lilo

Wait your turn, Stitch. Macki may be combustibally challenged, but I love this place. It's homey. Why don't we come here more often?

Nani

That's why.