TV show quotes
We're here to honor one of the giants of Texas propane, Mr. Buck Strickland. To introduce Mr. Strickland, his right-hand man, Hank Hill.
(Hank walks onto the stage drunk and knocks down the emcee) I'm not gonna say... Hell, I am gonna say what I have been wanting to say. Buck Strickland is a monster, a drunk monster. Buck Strickland is nothing but a lecherous, disgusting bastard-making bastard. (slurred gibberish) And now, I'm going to vomit. (he vomits on a guest's head)
Conference room. Hank is made to attend a discipinary hearing about his public drunken behavior
Mr. Hill, your guilt hardly seems to be an issue. So we can move right on to the punishment phase, which, as a preview, will be severe.
Indeed sir, I cannot begin to say how sorry I am.
Phone rings
Hello? Buck? Well, we are in the middle of a hearing...Like the one in 1984? Consortium members perk up OK then! hangs up Gentlemen, that was Buck Strickland. His "hospitality suite" is open.
Like the one in 84?
Mr. Hill, the board needs to adjourn to...uh, caucus about your case. You stay put.
I will not move a muscle.
Buck has set up a "hospitality suite", consisting of liquor and hookers for the men of the Propane Gas Consortium
I am in my third term as President of the Propane Gas Consortium. Prostitute giggles
Lobby. Peggy is with the wives of the Consortium
All propane men make mistakes sometimes, including your husbands.
Peggy takes elevator towards Buck's hospitality suite
Buck's room. Consortium is with hookers
Well, now that everyone's got a pretty girl on his lap, I would like to discuss leniency for my employee, Hank Hill.
Setup! Everybody run!
Ray Roy, lock the door.
Jody secures door, hookers wrestle men to ground as Buck snaps a photo
Now, you are all reasonable men. I think surely you can find forgiveness in your heart for old Hank, and it would be good to do it before your wives get here.
Peggy is in hallway with wives, approaching Buck's suite
You win, Buck.
Buck gives signal to his son, who uses cellphone
Peggy {on cell phone}: Y'ello?
Get their hair done.
Peggy and the wives of the Texas Propane Gas Commissioners walks past Buck's suite
Conference room. Consortium members are seated again, with Buck standing behind them
Mr. Hill, we had a chance to go over the case with your employer, Buck Strickland. He convinced us that while your actions last night were wrong; you are contrite about it, and that your actions over the past twenty years more than atone for it. He was very persuasive. As a result, the board has unanimously approved Mr. Strickland's nomination for membership in the Propane Hall of Flame.
Buck presents Hank with a "rainbow blazer"
I am in the Hall of Flame too?
Board members shake Hank's hand, as does Buck
Congratulations, Hank.
Thank you!
No, thank you, Ol' Top. All of propane owed you a debt.
(Imitating Survivorman) There is no greater survival skill that the ability to start a fire without matches. Fortunately Arlen is rich in natural propane tank deposits.
Hey Hank Hill, I knew rednecks abandon cars and refrigerators, guess we can throw kids on the list too! Hahahaha!
Hello.
Hello? That's all you got? Just what the heck is going on?
What do you mean? We're finishing dinner. We'll be there to pick you up at 9:00.
Oh, really? Well, you might want to check your watch, buddy boy. It's 10:30!
(realizes the watch was 10:30) Oh, my God. Peggy, it's 10:30!
(Gasps) Where's Bobby?
Bobby, where are you?
I'm at the Get In, Get Out. I hope you're happy. I'm just prostitutes by panty hose!
He's at the Get In, Get Out! (Peggy gasps and runs out to the emergency door.)
So, we're getting a bike; not getting a bike, what am I doing?
[to Longhorns team] Now, come on, let's go kick some Mustang ass!
I really wish I could play, but the pain is excruciating. I'd better go ice my nose. [the following quarterbacks chase Dale]
Not one of [these girls] has seen my "Flatulent Monkey Visits the Post Office" routine!
Hey, do you have that song that goes, "Wah-nah-nah-nah-nah scroun-scrouna Wah-nah-nah-nah-nah scroun-scrouna?"
(To Peggy) I gotta... yeah.
[Nancy and her new coworkers are drinking inside of their news helicopter.]
Vodka, this is chopper one. Traffic is clear from my mouth to my stomach.
Hey, give me the keys, Nancy. I want to go buzz my ex-husband's girlfriend's condo. (laughs)
[shouting out the window] I'm... Wade... Bixby!
I want salvation!
[Dale and Bill are wrestling over a beer can.]
Chain-smoking anorexic vs. that heart attack waiting to happen! Who will die first? Let's watch!
(In a letter) "Hank, if you're readin' this it means Fatty's dead. So I have to leave this task to the one most likely to screw it up: You."
About your outfit, Bill. No.
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