King of the Hill quotes

Hank

(sighs) I need you to talk to you about coach...

Bill

(on the phone) Shh, shh. No, no, no! You listen to me, you will double the salt or you will find a new place to peddle your sunflower seeds! Goodbye! (hang up phone) Hello, sir. May I help you?

Hank

I came here to help with practice, but Bradford won't let me on the field. All I want to do is just watch my son play baseball.

Bill

Really? Last I heard you wanted to see him quit baseball.

Hank

Watch it, Bill. I'm just looking for an ass to kick.

Bill

(sighs) I'll give it to you straight, Hank. You're seen as a negative influence around here, or anyone lets you on the baseball field, you're going to have to prove yourself, show your commitment to the league.

Hank

Dang it, Bill, how am I supposed to do that?

Dale

Hello, Hank! I'll have a cheeseburger; hold the lettuce, pickles, cheese and instead of special sauce; I'd like very special sauce.

Hank

Dang it, Dale! Move!

Bill

You think it's unfair, Hank? Just be glad I'm allowing you contact with Bobby at all.

Hank

[angers throws beer can] Okay, that does it! I have had it with you! Now do you have somewhere to be? 'Cause I'd liked to know what direction I should kick your ass in!

Lucky

They keep restricting what barbers can do. My guy says he can no longer perform dentistry.

Dale

Children see the world through innocent eyes. My book will change that.

Hank

You guys are acting like idiots. [To Luanne] You shouldn't have stolen Dale's ideas. [To Dale] You shouldn't have destroyed Luanne's dolls. We shouldn't even be having this memorial service.

Luanne

I could have listened to you Uncle Hank; but instead I chose to succeed in DVD’s and in life.

Bill

Hank! That crazy Canuck is mowing your yard!

Why are you hitting yourself, sucker?

Hank

[as the truck gets carried away] What-- no, no! My truck! [groans] Idiot!

Bobby

Oh, don't go in there; sir. I'm developing pictures. They're almost set!

[doing an announcement on To Catch a Bully] Consider yourself: "Hit Hard".

Dale

Are you talking to Lori again after I told you not to?

Hank

True North. Hey, someone's breaking into Dale's van!

Dale

Joseph, listen to me. This may be my last opportunity to tell you this. I know you know a thing or two about sex. You're old enough, and you often forget to delete your Internet history. But you just know the physical stuff. Sex is also mental. And you're too young to handle those emotions. That's why I think you should wait.

Joseph

[to the board] My dad is not crazy.

Uh, yeah, he is. According to the State of Texas.

Dale

[dragged away] Please, son, save your precious flower!