Gordon quotes from Hell's Kitchen

As Colleen gets schooled in spaghetti, Seth is hoping to score high marks with his first entrée.

Why's it all fucking mangled?

Because he didn't have it ready, and then he sliced it and seared all the chops.

Hey, Forrest! Come here you.

(interview) Ramsay, he keeps calling me "Forrest" as in Forrest Gump. I think it's a great name!

You didn't cook it properly temperature wise, so you decided to buckle it and bastardize it. Now you're really having a laugh, yeah?

(interview) Man, this poor lamb chop just got charred. No excuse for that first lamb.

Would you get excited to come here and eat that shit?

Absolutely not.

Yeah, fuck off, will you, yeah?

(interview) Listen, I screwed up the lamb, but at the end of the service, Gordon and I will be like peas and carrots once again!

It's two and a half hours into dinner service, and while Colleen has finally mastered the spaghetti, she still has a lot to learn about risotto.

Look! [returns to workstation and tastes the risotto] Hey!

Yes, chef.

Taste!

Yes, chef.

That's the risotto! That, quite frankly, is the worst risotto I've ever tasted in my entire cooking career. Why is it so sweet? Who put sugar in there?

[holds up a pot of sugar] I grabbed this. I thought it was salt.

(interview) Are you fucking kidding me?

That... [throws the risotto in the trash] is shit! Oh, my God!

Mashed potatoes?

[brings his garnishes to the pass] Fuck!

What are you doing, Wil?

Sorry, chef. I don't know, and this is very hot. (to his teammates) We got a cold sizzle?

Dear, oh dear! Wil!

Yes, chef?

You're shit!

Yes, chef. I am.

You are so shit, it's unbelievable!

[hands Wil his garnish] Wil, here's your artichokes and potatoes. They're seasoned and ready, sir, yeah?

Thank you.

Are you on the garnish now, Robert?

I just want to help him out [Wil], chef.

Charlie's on the garnish, Robert's on the garnish, yeah? And Wil is on Planet Cuckoo.

(interview) Wil got thrown to the dogs on the garnish station. By the time I got around to help him, it was ugly.

Wil, there's not one cook in the kitchen that hasn't been on the garnish with you tonight!

(interview) Being on the receiving end of Chef Ramsay's wrath...(groans) yeah, that sorta sucked.

Dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Garnish, please! (to Wil and Robert) What in the fuck are you two doing?

[interview; sees the customers leaving the kitchen] Oh no! When the customers got up and started walk out, I'm shocked.

Go, 22!

22 just left.

22. 22 just left.

My table got up and left.

[to Robert; tosses the plates to him] Hey! Hey, you! Hey, catch! They've just left. (whispering) They've just fucking left!

The rest of tables got walked out.

Alright. Out of Hell's Kitchen.

SWITCH IT OFF! NOT GOOD ENOUGH! [goes to the red kitchen] Come here, all of you! [calls the blue team] Come here, all of you, Yeah. Take a look out there. Pathetic, absolute embarrassment, utter crap! Clear down! CLEAR DOWN!

The scallops are cooked, aren't they?

Yes.

Why are they still in the pan if they're cooked? They're going to be overcooked, you stupid cow! Oh, my God! Who cooked the scallops last service? Who was that?

I did, chef.

Come here, you! Come here! Show her how to cook a fucking scallop. Hey, by the way, she's not charging $300. Hey, this is free now. Free lesson! Stand back!

(interview) Colleen runs a cooking school, but she has no experience on the line and it clearly shows.

(to Lacey) Teach madam [Colleen] here how to cook a fucking scallop!

Yes, chef.

Shit!! Unbelievable!

(interview) I almost felt honored in a weird way. (to Colleen) It's okay. It's alright.

(to Ji) Is your ankle hurting?

Yes, chef.

Yeah, so's my fuckin' head. It's throbbin'.

Thank you, Lacey.

You're welcome, chef!

Colleen!! Do you see a difference? Pink in the middle, coloured both sides, yes?

Yes, I do, chef.

Hey, did she charge you?

(brief pause) No, chef.

Yeah, thank fuck for that. Let's go. God bless Nebraska.

Seth and Charlie have delivered their lobster spaghetti to the pass.

There's no fucking lobster in there.

Doesn't look like it, no.

But, it's missing one key ingredient.

[returns to the workstation and pushes a pan aside] Hey, fuck-wit! Come here you! Come here!

What's this?

There's no fucking lobster in it!

Shit!!

How can you give it to me with no lobster in there?!

We're stupid, chef. Apologies.

Wake up, Charlie!!

Yes, chef! Yes, chef!

And you [Seth], docile fucking idiot! What's the dish called?

Uhm... Uhm...

Spaghetti of lobster!!

(interview) I feel like I just got hit by a train!

Oh, my God! [returns to the workstation] Come here you. Hey, Coi, come here! Carol, Lacey, come here! (to Colleen) Away now, two Wellington, yes, one salmon and one John Dory. Where's the John Dory?

(brief pause) I don't have the John Dory.

You don't have it. Hey, look, come here. Hey, there you go, look at that. [holds up the salmon] Look, look, hold on, hey, don't run away. IT'S BLACK! On top of that, there's an added bonus. It's fucking raw in the middle.

Yes, chef.

Fucking useless, fucking shit. You're not a cookery school teacher, are you? You're joking, aren't you?

No, I'm not joking, chef. I am a--

Tell me, tell me you're pomping yourself up to make yourself look good. You don't really have a cooking school?

No, chef, I own a cooking school. I have a business just like you do.

Your fucking business is not like my business. Hey, madam, let's get that fucking right.

You're right.

You're robbing people! You're a thief!! I'm concerned for the poor bastards that you've taken money off of!! [sees another piece of salmon burning] Hey, madam, lift that lid off, it looks black.

It IS black!

Oh, GOD!!

Both of them!

SHIT! [Gordon and Coi look physically shocked] SHIT!!! IT'S BLACK!!!

Yes, chef!

OH, MY GOD!!

These are burning.

I know.

Hey, madam, madam! GET OUT!! Get on the raw bar. Lacey! LACEY! Get on the fish!

Yes, chef!

(interview) Chef Ramsay's definitely not going to break me. He can ask me to leave, he can kick me out of the kitchen, he can do all those things, but he's not going to break me.

Giovanni! [returns to the workstation]

Yes, chef?

Hey, all of you come here! [points to Danny] He's cooking his ass off, surrounded by five muppets, yeah? The temperature's perfect, and I get that bit of shit there, look. I got given that! Would you eat that? [throws the salmon to Seth] Go on, eat it, eat it. (to Seth) Would you eat that?

No, chef.

(to Giovanni) Would you eat that?

No, chef.

[comes up to Giovanni] Hey, you can be pissed off. You got every fucking right to be pissed off. You know that, yes?

Yes, chef.

Fucking RAW!!

(interview) I've never had a chef come that close to me in my life. He can yell at me from across the kitchen, he doesn't have to get 2 inches away from my face.

Hey, is that your pink? Prep chef. You can prep a fucking scallop, you can't cook a fucking salmon. Come on, Giovanni!

Yes, chef.

(interview) Meat is one of my fortes. I definitely had six, seven out of eight without even looking.

Ring the bell, ring the bell. Go for it!

I can't hear that!

Ring the fucking bell!

Seven wrong for blue, let's go.

Holy shit! We're working backwards!

(interview) SETH, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!

Seth's poor performance has set the men back. Now Lacey has a golden opportunity to redeem herself with her team.

Come on, Lacey!

(interview) It's my chance to show my team that I can step up, and that I deserve to be here.

Come on! We can do this!

Move it, Lacey!

(interview) Lacey was just moving things around for the feeling that she was doing something, and you know what, that's no different to how she is in the kitchen.

Six wrong.

Robert has only improved on Seth by one.

(to Lacey) Come on, let's go! Come on, come on, come on, come on!

Okay... (sees that Lacey has placed the "bottom round" label near one of the model cow's front legs) BOTTOM ROUND?! WHAT DOES "BOTTOM" MEAN? One, two, three, four, five, six wrong! Dear oh dear!

What is going on? I'm waiting on four Caesar, two shrimp. Why aren't the shrimp on?

I've got them right here. I was throwing them on, Chef-

Get them on!

I am right now, chef. Sorry, chef.

Come on, Charlie!

Yes, chef.

Unbelievable. A Caesar salad and we're in the shit! [spots that Charlie's cooking cloth has caught fire] Your cloth's on fire! YOUR CLOTH'S ON FIRE!

(interview) Charlie, wake the fuck up, man.

Get it in the water, Scott, please, before he sets the place on fire.

I'm doing my best, chef.

(throws the cloth in the sink) If that's your best, you might want to rethink your best a little bit.

It's 30 minutes into dinner service, and Ben is trying to impress Chef Ramsay with his speed.

[bringing some chocolate brownie desserts to the pass] Coming down with desserts. Coming down with desserts.

Unfortunately, having dessert ready before the appetizers is not exactly what Chef Ramsay had in mind.

Dickhead, put them down. [calls entire team] Hey, all of you, come here. Ben's now bringing me a chocolate fucking brownie. [tosses one dessert on the counter] WHAT'S GOING ON?!

(interview) I didn't know what was going on, but he brought up dessert four minutes in. I mean, I've done some stupid shit, but that's embarrassing.

So, let's do it this way, then. There you go. [puts the desserts on the pass] Ben wants to serve the chocolate brownie before we serve the appetizers.

No, chef.

What are you dreaming on?! Are you stupid?!

No, chef.

You've got cheesecake made as well!

Yes, chef.

We've trashed six desserts before we've sent out fucking appetizers!

My fault, chef. (interview) It was my mistake for not exactly knowing Chef Ramsay's terminologies, but fuck me if the words "pick" and "up" don't mean "give you the desserts!"

Have you been drinking or sniffing?

No, chef. No, chef.

Look at me: Go upstairs for a lie-down.

No, no, chef!

Go on, go upstairs for a lie-down. [leads Ben out of the kitchen, then walks away] Useless. Absolutely useless. [a couple of seconds pass, then Ben quickly returns into the kitchen]

She just didn't knowthere were anchovies on it.

You got what you asked for.

I know, chef.

So what did you fuck up? I know you find this is, I mean you-you, yeah, you laugh, it's funny.

(interjecting) I don't, chef! I'm not laughing!

You're fucking worse than...

I'm trying not to cry.

...Britney Spears, you jumped-up bitch!

(interview) There's a reason I don't wait tables, and this is it!

What's wrong?

He (diner) said that he wants it bright up a little bit, chef.

Giovanni?

Yes, chef?

Robert, come here! Robert, bounce your way down here. Let's go. [portions the beef] (pounds the counter) Touch it! Touch it!

It's cold.

FUCKING SHIT!! [throws the beef away] It's still walking, that fucking piece of beef!

(interview) It pisses me off. We have an executive chef of a steakhouse running our grill. Wake up, get it together, and put out some decent food.

Giovanni!

Yes, chef?

Thank fuck I've visited your steakhouse! It's fucking blue!

Yes, chef!