"The Last Supper" cannot be funky.
S4The Festival of Living Art
Yeah, Taylor, you finally did something right. [Taylor looks annoyed/angry] Your beard is so sexy.
I will be managing the event and emceeing. Uh, Miss Patty, you will be stage-managing. Uh, Lorelai, if you could help organize the costumes?
I'm here for you and your sexy beard, Taylor.
Well, if they want an Anthea for "Portrait of a Young Girl Named Anthea," then they're going to have to have you for the Renoir.
[The band is talking about Dave Rigalski's new replacement, Gil]
Right here. [points to his eyes] He's got some lines. That blows my mind.
What is he, late thirties?
Approaching forty.
Forty?
He was alive before man walked on the moon.
Don't do that, man. You're freaking me out.
Lane Let's not be over-dramatic, guys. I mean, he is an incredible guitarist.
He's had a lot of time to practice.
And the bicentennial - he was alive for that.
Lane This is the best we've sounded since Dave, and he's really...
Elderly.
Lane Excited.
He was our age when we were born.
Lane He thinks we're great.
There were no CDs when he was born.
Stop it, man. I mean it.
Lane Maybe there's a way to offset his oldness. Put a hat on him. Dress him up like Angus Young in AC/DC - that schoolboy outfit.
He could have seen AC/DC with their original lead singer.
And 1980 is when that guy choked on his own vomit. That's old.
Lane You want to stop the audition?
We shouldn't be rude.
Lane Good.
Fine, we'll keep going, but remember, any new member has to be approved by all of us. So one vote against, and he's back at bingo.
S4Die, Jerk
So, Davey, beautiful day, huh? What would you like to discuss? Middle East peace, the space program? I'm sorry, what's that? Oh, my God. He said, "The answer to the problems in the Mideast is, 'I have to poop.'"
He got distracted.
More broccoli, Grandpa?
Absolutely. Staves off the cancer.
Staves off my appetite.
You really should eat more green things, Lorelai.
I plan to eat a five-dollar bill later tonight.
Oh, have you seen the new twenties? They have a little peach color in 'em.
Peach, perfect. I'll eat a new twenty, I'll have my fruits and vegetables.
Remember when I was a kid, my mother showed me the special jug that's been passed down in my family for years and years in a long-standing Kim tradition that she is personally going to present to the boy I'm going to wed?
Oh, my God. The marriage jug?
The marriage jug.
She's sending Dave the marriage jug? What does that mean?
I'm guessing it means she's reserving a hall and ordering that "Stations of the Cross" ice sculpture.
Hi, hon. Jason, this is my daughter, Rory. Rory, Jason.
Right, Scooper.
Digger.
Sorry. Digger.
It's nice to meet you. And I don't really go by Digger anymore.
What is it, P. Digger now?
Twenty-three is old. It's almost twenty-five, which is, like, almost mid-twenties.
She did not say that.
She did say that.
It seems a little wrong that Jessica Simpson is alive and well and Roy got eaten by his tiger.
S4Ted Koppel's Big Night Out
[Rory notices Luke's new waiter.]
Oh, my god.
What?
He hired Brennon Lewis.
And?
Ew!
He doesn't look that bad.
He's the boy who dissected a frog, did not wash his hands, and then ate a sandwich.
Ew!
He's like the lost Farrelly brother. He's so stupid. He watched The Breakfast Club and decided to tape his own butt cheeks together.
[leaving a message for Lorelai] OK, see, a better man, a smarter man, a different man would take into account the fact that flowers, candy, and numerous phone calls have gone completely unnoticed by you. Those men would get a clue, have some pride, grow a pair and move on. Oh well. Lorelai Gilmore, daughter of Richard and Emily, mother of Rory, and friend to all, would you join me for dinner on Saturday night? Please call me back, because I will some day find my pathetic threshold and stop trying.
I like that boy.
Prove it. Drop your pants!
Oh, wait, are you Pennilyn Lott, my dad's college sweetheart?
PPennilyn
Yes.
You're my almost-mommy.
PPennilyn
Well, I suppose you could put it that way.
I'm so glad to finally meet you. Let me ask you something - would you have let me get a pony?
Where are you going?
Just watch my Snow Balls, please.
Not on the first date, mister.
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