Rory Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lorelai

Hi, hon. Jason, this is my daughter, Rory. Rory, Jason.

Rory

Right, Scooper.

Lorelai

Digger.

Rory

Sorry. Digger.

Jason

It's nice to meet you. And I don't really go by Digger anymore.

Lorelai

What is it, P. Digger now?

Lorelai

Twenty-three is old. It's almost twenty-five, which is, like, almost mid-twenties.

Rory

She did not say that.

Lorelai

She did say that.

Rory

It seems a little wrong that Jessica Simpson is alive and well and Roy got eaten by his tiger.

Rory

Oh, my god.

Lorelai

What?

Rory

He hired Brennon Lewis.

Lorelai

And?

Rory

Ew!

Lorelai

He doesn't look that bad.

Rory

He's the boy who dissected a frog, did not wash his hands, and then ate a sandwich.

Lorelai

Ew!

Rory

He's like the lost Farrelly brother. He's so stupid. He watched The Breakfast Club and decided to tape his own butt cheeks together.

What is this?

Rory

Strawberry ice cream.

It has strawberries in it.

Rory

I don't even know how to respond to that.

Rory

Yes, what about that? This guy's risking everything - his job, his reputation.

Lorelai

Yes, well. . .he'll always have Paris.

Rory

How long have you been waiting with that one?

Lorelai

I just had a feeling the opportunity would present itself eventually.

Rory

Maybe it's a phase. It'll pass.

Lorelai

Oh, yeah, or he will.

Rory

No, I don't wanna know where you were, and I don't wanna know what you were doing or who you were doing it with. I had to cover for you when Doyle noticed that you were gone, so I told him that you were at a family thing, and as far as I'm concerned, that's where you were - at your family thing. And in the future, I want nothing to do with anything to do with what you were doing tonight or who you were doing it with, especially who! Now, go to sleep.

Paris

I smell like pipe tobacco.

Rory

Oh, jeez.

Lorelai

You want me to call you at Yale in the middle of the night so I can say, "Hey, drive 20 miles to stand in the snow with Mommy"?

Rory

Yes.

Lorelai

And then we take the "Craziest Mother-Daughter" title from Judy and Liza.

Lorelai

Hey! I sat up with you all night when you had the chicken pox. I held your hands so that you couldn't scratch your face and scar your perfect skin. You look that way because of me.

Rory

Night, mom.

Lorelai

But, ah, the chicken pox!

Rory

Beefaroni, it's calling you!

Lorelai

Was she at the professor's again last night?

Rory

Yes, but she claims she was up all night cramming.

Lorelai

Well, she was.

Rory

Oh, ick!

Paris

I'm not denying that we've got a May-December romance going on here.

Rory

This is not May-December. This is May-Ming Dynasty.

Lorelai

I'm going to go make out in the coat room. Don't eat my chicken.

Rory

That's going on your tombstone.

Lorelai

If you're here, then who's this?

Rory

I don't know.

Lorelai

We have a stranger in our house!

Rory

Robert Downey Jr.?

Lorelai

Or a murderer!

Rory

Who needed a nap before committing his crime?

Rory

So who else is joining us?

Emily

No one. We brought one of Richard's coats to hang over the chair.

Richard

We're saying it's Marjorie's husband.

Emily

He's making the rounds and at about eight he'll get sick and have to leave.

Richard

Does everybody understand the story?

Lorelai

I think so. But then we'll have to hide his jacket. So I suggest I put it under my dress and pretend to be pregnant, then Jason can pretend to be the doctor, then Rory can dig a tunnel, and --

Emily

I might have known you'd turn this into something ridiculous, Lorelai.

Rory

Yeah, I wanna be the doctor.

Rory

He's big, Paris. She got it.

Paris

And why does he have his name written on the back? So it's easy to check when he forgets it? Although if he checks it while he's wearing it, he'd have to look in a mirror, and then he'd probably think his name was Dlobeelk, and get confused all over again.

Bitter little woman.

Lorelai

I am sorry but you write less than the people offering to enlarge a piece of anatomy I do not possess.

Rory

I could have sworn I told you.

Lorelai

I just reread every e-mail you sent in the last 10 days. No sickness mentioned, but you did share these gems: "What up? Is it freezing there too? Ice". And, "Phew, Pooped". Then you added one of those obnoxious hieroglyphics that I can never read that indicate you're laughing or smiling or frowning or vomiting.

Rory

That's a typo. I don't do cutesy symbols.

Lorelai

You're not even using verbs. That's not a relationship. Relationships need verbs.

Rory

Yours aren't much better.