Rory Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Rory

Nigella just made a raisin cake that looked so good, the fact that raisins make me gag became totally irrelevant.

Lorelai

Well, good, more ordering choices.

Rory

Oh, my God, she's about to deep-fry a Bounty Bar. I want to move in with her and call her Mommy. Do you mind?

Rory

It's "Girls Gone Wild," and boys doing the twist. We're not spring-breaky people, are we?

Paris

I don't know what we are, but I am so cold right now that the thought of spending a week with a bunch of drunken bimbos and rattle-headed frat boys seems like a very good trade off for being warm.

Rory

Warm...

Paris

Warm...

Rory

You're not worried, are you? Because I'm just going for the sun and to read, nothing more.

Lorelai

I know, I know. It's just, it's always the good kids who've never had a drink that take one sip of Kahlua and fall out of a window.

Rory

So you're sad you never taught me how to drink?

Lorelai

Exactly!

Rory

Well, grab a bottle and some quarters and let's go.

Lorelai

No falling out of windows.

Rory

Not even a first floor one.

Lorelai

And don't drink. And after you're done not drinking, drink tons of water and take two aspirin before you go to bed.

Madeline

We found that if we kiss each other, we can get anything we want from guys.

Louise

Free drinks, food...

Madeline

T-shirts, boat rides, Frisbees...

Louise

Earrings, Seadoos...

Rory

Okay. Well, that is a good tip.

Paris

Yeah, maybe later I'll pants you for an Altoid.

Rory

[Talking on cell phone]: Okay, forget I said "giant Q-tips." They're not hitting each other with giant Q-tips. [Referring to a couple boys fighting with Pugil sticks American Gladiator-style]

Lorelai

But now I can't get giant Q-tips out of my head. It's too powerful a visual.

Rory

I know, I'm sorry.

Lorelai

So how is it?

Rory

It's good so far.

Lorelai

Yeah, how good?

Rory

I haven't had a drink yet.

Lorelai

OK, you sure you weren't drinking and that's why you think they're giant Q-tips?

Rory

Um... maybe.

Lorelai

What just happened?

Lorelai

You sound distracted, did something cute just walk by?

Lorelai

Hello?

Rory

Who is this?

Lorelai

This is Lorelai Gilmore.

Rory

No, this is Lorelai Gilmore.

Lorelai

Ooh. Gaslight.

Rory

So, you have my phone.

Lorelai

Yes, you left it in the kitchen. You know what that means, don't you? You miss Mommy.

Rory

Yes, or that the refrigerator was empty, and I ordered food.

Lorelai

Oh, that makes much more sense.

Rory

Why didn't you just tell them that you guys were dating?

Lorelai

Oh, come on. You know why. We were going to tell them when the time was right. Of course, I had no idea we were dealing with the Carringtons. All we needed was a swimming pool and some ball gowns to really end the evening right.

Rory

This is unbelievable. I leave you people alone for one hour and all hell breaks loose.

Lorelai

College is loud!

Rory

Yes, it's part of our training. It's right up there with the bad food, the sleep deprivation, and how to hold your own hair while throwing up.

Lorelai

Awww.

Lorelai

There's a cat on my doorstep.

Rory

Well, that's better than a bun in your oven.

Lorelai

There are two of them. They're not even easing me into this, those bastards. I give up. I guess I need to start collecting newspapers and magazines, find a blue bathrobe, lose my front teeth.

Rory

Well, obviously, you've got a busy day ahead of you, so I'm gonna let you go.

Lorelai

Yarn balls. I need to find some yarn balls!

Rory

Bye.

Paris

Rory, you've had quite the dry spell this year.

Rory

I have not had a dry spell.

Paris

There's not one picture of you with a guy.

Oh, no. No. There's one. See? That's Rory with the statue of Eli Yale.

Lorelai

Did he sound like he was in Philadelphia when he called?

Rory

You mean, did I hear guys in the background saying, "Get your Philly cheesesteak here?"

Rory

What's your damage, Heather?

Lorelai

I think I'm dating Luke.

Rory

What?

Lorelai

I'm not sure. It's just a possibility. I could be wrong.

Rory

But how? When?

Lorelai

I went with him to his sister's wedding, and it was really nice. We had a really good time. We laughed a lot, and we ate, and then we danced.

Rory

Danced? How?

Lorelai

We pop-locked.

Rory

Was it a fast dance, slow dance, group dance?

Lorelai

It was a slow dance. What is "group dance?"

Rory

The hustle, the hora.

Lorelai

No hustle, no hora. It was a slow dance -- a waltz. Luke can waltz.

Rory

Luke can waltz?

Lorelai

Luke can waltz.

Rory

Look how you just said, "Luke can waltz."

Lorelai

What, I'm just saying, I'm surprised that Luke can waltz.

Rory

That sounded more like, "I'm surprised I still have my clothes on." Did you say yes?

Lorelai

When?

Rory

To the movie. Did you say yes?

Lorelai

Yes.

Rory

That sounds like dating to me.

Lorelai

But maybe he didn't mean it as a date thing. Maybe he just needed to get out of the house, and since I'm currently one of the women sitting home, thinking, "If I could only find a man like Aragorn," he picked me.

Lorelai

[about Dean] So what'd he 'borrow'?

Rory

I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it first. I... I know I promised I would, but - I swear I didn't know that this was going to happen! I mean, I didn't know that he was going to show up tonight and it just happened! It's awful for you to find out like this, I know, but everything's okay! I'm okay! And we were, you know, safe, so all those Trojan men jokes all these years really apparently stuck. And I'm lucky, too, because Dean, he's... well, aren't you glad that it happened with someone who's good and really loves me?

Lorelai

He's married.

Rory

You don't understand the situation.

Lorelai

Is he still married?

Rory

Yes, but-

Lorelai

Then I 'understand the situation'.

Rory

He tried the best he could, but it didn't work! It's over!

Lorelai

He told you that?

Rory

Yes!

Lorelai

He told you he's leaving her?

Rory

Well...

Lorelai

He told you he's moving out, they're getting divorced, he's got a lawyer, they've divided up the Monster Truck season tickets?

Rory

[increasingly awkward] We didn't get around to discussing everything.

Lorelai

You didn't 'get around to discussing everything'?

Rory

It was a crazy night!

Lorelai

You of all people. The girl who thinks everything through. The listmaker. You didn't bother to discuss those things before jumping into bed with a married guy?

Rory

He's not 'a married guy'! He's Dean, my Dean!

Lorelai

He's not your Dean, he's Lindsay's Dean. You're the other woman!

Lorelai

It's not over until he's out of the house with the ring off!

Rory

He took the ring off!

Lorelai

[devastated] Oh my God, I don't believe this...

Rory

He's in love with me, not Lindsay!

Lorelai

Does Lindsay know that?!

Rory

She's not good for him, okay?! She lets him quit school, and work himself to death-

Lorelai

No, no, Rory, uh uh, you can't be one of those girls who blames the wife for 'forcing' the husband to cheat!

Rory

He wasn't cheating!

Lorelai

He was cheating, Rory. He was cheating, and you were cheating with him, there's no other way to spin that, kid!

Rory

I'm not spinning it, and I'm not a kid, I'm nineteen!

Lorelai

This was your first time, it's just not the way your first time was supposed to be.

Rory

Oh, and how was my first time 'supposed to be'?

Lorelai

Well, first of all, it was supposed to be in a retirement home.

Lorelai

I just don't want you to get hurt, Rory! What if he doesn't leave her? Now you're all emotionally involved!

Rory

You're just mad because I didn't come running to you to discuss whether or not I was ready for this step, I decided it on my own!

Lorelai

Well, obviously you weren't ready for this step. The very fact that you chose another girl's guy to sleep with proves that!

Rory

He was my boyfriend first!

Lorelai

But you dumped him! You rejected him, you picked someone else!

Rory

STOP IT!

Lorelai

Rory-

Rory

I hate you for ruining this for me! [she runs outside and phones Dean's house, only to have Lindsay answer; she hangs up and sinks to her knees, crying]