Professor Hubert Farnsworth quotes from Futurama

Don't, Hermes! You have so much to live for!

S2 How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back

I get it: reverse psychology.

Professor Farnsworth

Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know!

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Prof. Farnsworth

You can't just waltz into the Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been, but a friend of mine went completely mad trying to find the washroom there.

S2 How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back

Then we'll need a guide, someone who's been there before.

Prof. Farnsworth

Oh, I've been there. Lots of times. [laughs maniacally]

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[Spoken] Requisition me a beat!

[Number 1.0 plays some music]

[Singing]

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town,

With a foot and a half of water,

Everyone was alright but I cried all night,

It blew my alphabet blocks out of order,

And they said, "This boy's born to be a bureaucrat,

Born to be all obsessive and snotty,"

I made my friends and relations file long applications,

To get into my 10th birthday party.

LaBarbara

But something changed when my man turned pro.

I was sortin' but I wasn't smilin'.

LaBarbara

He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks.

It's supposed to be about the filing! People!

We didn't choose to be bureaucrats,

No, that's what almighty Jah made us,

We treat people like swine,

And make 'em stand in line,

Even if nobody paid us!

They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats,

They say we're anal, compulsive and weird,

But when push comes to shove,

You gotta do what you love,

Even if it's not a good idea.

Zoidberg!

Zoidberg

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon.

Farnsworth

They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter.

They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye. [A tube hits her in the eye.]

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Everybody sing Jamaica! [He limbos under the flying tubes]

AAll

Jamaica!

Just the bureaucrats, Jamaica!

BBureaucrats

Jamaica!

The grade 19's!

Morgan Proctor

Jamaica.

[Hermes starts a conga line with the bureaucrats]

Sing me home!

When push comes to shove,

You gotta do what you love,

Even if it's not a good idea!

[He picks up a red tube, takes Bender's disk out of it and throws it into Bender's head. Bender's personality resurfaces]

S2 How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

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Prof. Farnsworth

Ah the exact center of the Atlantic Ocean, this seems the logical place for fish to congregate.

So we're in international waters?

Prof. Farnsworth

Indeed so.

[on walkie-talkie] Falcon this is Blue Raven, the goose has nested, repeat, the goose has nested.

[A speed boat pulls up and the driver and Bender exchange briefcases. Then the boat drives away.]

Hey, guess what you're accessories to.

S2 The Deep South

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[Fry is presented with an egg-sized pill which will allow him to withstand the pressure underwater.]

Fry

I can't swallow that.

Professor Farnsworth

Well, then good news! It's a suppository.

S2 The Deep South

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Fry

Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy. Well I saw a real mermaid. And I wish for once my friends would have decency and kindness to believe me.