Professor Hubert Farnsworth quotes from Futurama

Prof. Farnsworth

Good Lord! That's over 5000 atmospheres of pressure!

Fry

How many atmospheres can the ship withstand?

Prof. Farnsworth

Well, it was built for space travel, so anywhere between zero and one.

Mom

You broke my heart, Hubert.

Prof. Farnsworth

And you broke mine. Granted, that was four or five hearts ago.

Amy

But the professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hovercar?

Fry

Wait. In my time we had a way of moving objects long distances without hovering.

Hermes

Impossible!

Fry

It was called... let me think... It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one... The wheel.

Leela

Never heard of it.

Prof. Farnsworth

Show us this "the wheel."

Prof. Farnsworth

Just the thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet.

Fry

Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom.

Prof. Farnsworth

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall!

Mom

Darling Hubie, I should never have tried to tamper with that cute little Q.T. McWhiskers.

Prof. Farnsworth

No, it was silly of me to object; one-foot tall, eight-feet, 15-feet, what does it matter?

Mom

You should see the new 16-foot models.

Prof. Farnsworth

16 feet?! Go to hell!

Professor Farnsworth

Unless this is a nude love-in, get the hell off my property!

Pssh! You can't own property, man!

Professor Farnsworth

I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie!

Farnsworth

My God, they're back! We're doomed!

Amy

Doomed!

Bender

[Deep inhale] DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....

Professor Farnsworth

Ohhh, you've killed me! You've killed me!

Leela

Oh God, what have I done?

Professor Farnsworth

I just told you! You've killed me!

Leela

Ok, just try to be nonchalant.

Zoidberg

Alright, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it.

Some say unholy things happen up there.

For example, all of us say that.

Prof. Farnsworth

Pfft! Supersticious robot mumbo-jumbo!

Mumbo, perhaps. Jumbo, perhaps not.

Bender

That painting! The eyes are watching me!

Prof. Farnsworth

It has motorized sensors attached to motion detectors.

Bender

So does my butt, but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

Prof. Farnsworth

Just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly-shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castles wiring through this old, abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms.

Hermes

Of course! It was so obvious!

Prof. Farnsworth

Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense.

Fry

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000?

Farnsworth

You wish! You're in Los-Angeles!

Fry

But there was this gang of 10-year-olds with guns.

Leela

Exactly, you're in L.A.

Fry

But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other.

Bender

That's L.A. for you.

Fry

But the air is green and there's no sign of civilisation whatsoever.

Bender

He just won't stop with the social commentary.

Fry

And the people are all phoneys. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

Fry

Can I have my old job back?

Prof. Farnsworth

Why, I've forgotten why I haven't fired you.

Bender

Because he destroyed his business, his home and all his possessions!

Prof. Farnsworth

Oh, that's right! Get lost! [pulls the lever and plants a floor trap on Fry]

Professor Farnsworth

Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry's worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them.

Dr. Zoidberg

There's no part of that sentence I didn't like!

Prof. Farnsworth

[whispers] Be very quiet. We're in the ear.

Amy

[whispers] Okay, professor.

Prof. Farnsworth

WHAT?!

Fry

[to Leela] What about "what"?

Leela

Uh...What about we go for a walk because it's a lovely day, perhaps?

Fry

Oh, okay.