Hey, I’m beginning to think you guys don’t think I’m very smart.
Prof. FarnsworthYou can barely remember your own name, Einstein.
Einstein is a hard name to remember!
[The Professor sighs, and pokes Fry in the eyes with a double fing-longer.]
Shmesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurism. Fry’s your distant relative.
Prof. Farnsworth
Not distant enough! I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if I’m this monkey’s nephew.
But you’re my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something?
Prof. Farnsworth
Oh, perhaps I’ve been too harsh. Come, lad, take my hand and I’ll explain why I find you so repugnant.
Farnsworth
You're not going anywhere!
Farnsworth
You were late this morning. So you'll have to stay and test my latest invention.
[They walk over to a giant sheet covering something. He reveals a time travelling machine.]
Farnsworth
Behold! A time travelling machine!
[Fry and Bender gasp.]
Time? I can't go back there!
Farnsworth
Ah, but this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history. Or do something disgusting like sleep with your own grandmother.
I wouldn't wanna do that again.
[Outside the time machine in the year one billion, Fry is returning back to Bender and Farnsworth, who were just hanging around watching the vast emptiness of extinction.]
You know, all in all, I had a good life. What you say the three of us grab a six pack and watch the universe end?
Farnsworth
Hear, hear!
That's basically what I do every day. [pulls out a six pack]
[As the trio are all inside the time machine, they all open their beer cans and toast.]
To the end of the universe.
[Fry pulls the switch. The machine starts ticking. They sit down and wait. Outside the sun explodes and the Earth crumbles before them. Truly marking the end of the world.]
So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.
[The sun vanishes into nothing and the universe behind is revealed. A set of white explosions occur in the form of fireworks. They gasp in awe.]
Hey, uh, what was the purpose of life anyway?
Farnsworth
Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit.
[Before them, the universe expands in size as the galaxies float away from one another making the universe darker and darker. Thus, marking the end of the galaxy and the universe as a whole.]
Farnsworth
The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness. [shakes his can at Bender]
Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint. [takes Farnsworth's old can and gives him a new one]
Farnsworth
[takes a sip from his new can] Ah, the last proton should be decaying about now.
[The machine's indicator is ticking up from 1 × 1035 AD.]
Farnsworth
And... [stands up] ...here we are; the end of the universe.
[The camera zooms out to reveal that there is literally nothing left. With the exception of the time machine, of course. Farnsworth sits back down.]
Well, now what? You guys wanna talk?
Tonight, we have a new resident here in the hall of Hominids, generously donated by its discoverer, Hubert Farnsworth. Ladies and gentlemen, Homo farnsworth.
Prof. Farnsworth
Once again, science saves the day. The end.
And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo!
[Farnsworth spits out his drink]
BDr Banjo
Thank you Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all dis-proven evolution.
[Banjo pulls a cord and a painting of Homo farnsworth riding a dinosaur is revealed.] Behold! Homo farnsworth frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation.
Prof. Farnsworth
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking?
Prof. Farnsworth
[gasps] It's an albino humping worm!
Why do they call it that?
[The ship begins to rock back and forth]
Prof. Farnsworth
Because it doesn't have any pigment.
Futurama · 1,210 quotes
