Professor Hubert Farnsworth quotes from Futurama

Professor, make a woman out of me.

Professor Farnsworth

Oh, I think we should just stay friends.

S4 Bend Her

View quote →

Prof. Farnsworth

Turn off that crap-o-rama! One mistake now, and Bender will be trapped forever between the already ill-defined robot sexes. [Uses a hammer and a chisel on Bender]

Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson about changing your sex to win five gold medals.

[Soft voice] It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself.

Prof. Farnsworth

Almost done...

[Continuing in a soft voice] If only somehow, some way...he and I could drive to Vegas pick up some floozy-bots and void their warranties all night long! Whoo!

Yay, my buddy's home!

S4 Bend Her

View quote →

Prof. Wernstrom

Ladies and gentlemen, my killbot has Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available.

Prof. Farnsworth

Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby!

Prof. Wernstrom

No one calls me that! I'm having at you!

Prof. Farnsworth

Wernstrom!

[They fight]

FKFarnsworth Killbot

Such senseless violence.

WKWernstrom Killbot

Come on, let's go for a paddle-boat ride.

S4 Obsoletely Fabulous

View quote →

[In a hippe-like universe]

PFProf. Farnsworth-420

Dig it! All you fitting in this box is like seriously freaked up!

PFProf. Farnsworth-1

Nonsense, there's a whole universe in there.

PFProf. Farnsworth-420

Dude, there's a universe in all of us.

A4Amy-420

Right on, Professor Freaksworth!

[Prof. Farnsworth-420 trys to give Farnsworth-A a flower.]

PFProf. Farnsworth-A

Get a job!

View quote →

Prof. Farnsworth

There. That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice versa.

So, what you think you just explained to us is that–

Prof. Farnsworth

Correct! This box contains our own universe.

View quote →

Prof. Farnsworth-

HERMES! Don't press that button!

[Hermesthinks carefully for about 7 seconds, looking back and forth between the button and Prof. Farnsworth]

....okay.

View quote →

There but for the flip of a coin go we. So, um, Leela? Seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight? You know, together?

Well, I guess you deserve one more flip.

So, heads or tails?

Y'know, let's just say it's heads.

Farnsworth

Ready?

Farnsworth

and One, two, three, pull!

Farnsworth

There. That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice versa.

So, what you think you just explained to us is that--

Farnsworth

Correct! This box contains our own universe.

Sweet honey bee of infinity!

[Leela, Amy and Fry hit on the wall]

[Hermes and Dr. Zoidberg hit on the wall as well]

[Bender hits on the railing]

Bender! Quit destroying the universe!

But...

Farnsworth

Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it, as we cherish every moment of our lives.

View quote →

Farnsworth

Don't tell me you believe in Bigfoot, you blithering ninny-hammer.

Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with.

Why?

'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one.

I can so relate to that.

[Zoidberg begins crying and hugs Leela. She breaks off from him]

Enough with the emotions. This isn't a fat camp.

S4 Spanish Fry

View quote →

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy!

Prof. Farnsworth

Okay.

That's all. [slicks his hair back] Oh, also, I'm covered with severe burns.

Prof. Farnsworth

So? What of it?

Well, why is... those things?

Prof. Farnsworth

You mean you don't remember?

Nope, nothing. It's like when I passed out in college, except no one drew magic marker pingases on my forehead.

View quote →

Sweet coincidence of Port-Au-Prince! We're back on Earth!

Prof. Farnsworth

Of course! That was the Panama Wormhole, the universe's central transportation channel.

[Chuckles] How humorous.

Prof. Farnsworth

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel, and we're on it now.

View quote →

Professor Farnsworth

Prepare for rebirth! Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense!

Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial?

Professor Farnsworth

In your time, yes, but nowadays— shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

Who are you, my warranty?

View quote →

Why did I do partying, I hate partying! [continues partying] WOO! More Partying!

Amy Wong

Quiet, Bender.

Professor Farnsworth

Cut it out.

Hermes Conrad

Shush!

[mumbles gibberish]

[Bender breaths fire over the real Leela’s funeral, suddenly, Leela opens her eyes]

Leela Leela

Bender, Shut the Hell Up!

View quote →

Granted, all that makes perfect sense, but why is this death sphere destroying planets?

Prof. Farnsworth

That makes the most sense of all.

[Farnsworth puts up a projection of planets destroyed by the death sphere.]

Prof. Farnsworth

Look at the planets it's destroyed so far. First came X3, the nude beach planet. Then Poopiter.

[A planet labelled "#!@€$!#%&" comes on screen.]

Prof. Farnsworth

And finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company.

You mean...

[Fry whispers something to Farnsworth and the crew get angry at him for doing so. Farnsworth slaps Fry.]

[to Farnsworth] So you're saying this thing is censoring indecent planets?

Prof. Farnsworth

Indeed. And we're next if we don't keep in in our collective pants. The only way to save Earth is to convince its citizens to repent their sinful ways.

Amy

[Wearing S&M gear] So the orgy is off?

S6 In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela

View quote →

This looks like a good place to ditch some evidence. [Opens bin and finds Flexo inside] Flexo! What are you doing in a hazardous waste bin?

Flexo

Didn't you hear? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile dysfun...[Bender closes bin]

Professor Farnsworth

Who are you talking to?