Turanga Leela quotes from Futurama

Zapp Brannigan

Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date.

Leela

Half-date.

Zapp Brannigan

Waiter, bring us a bottle of wine.

Leela

Half-bottle.

Zapp Brannigan

And some oysters on the half-shell.

Leela

Quarter-shell.

Leela

Where are all the men in your society?

Men die out many year ago.

Bender

With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas? [He, Fry and Zapp laugh]

Leela

Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer and reprogram it to let them go?

Bender

Maybe you can interface with my ass...by biting it!

Leela

What planet is this, anyway?

Zapp Brannigan

[shrugs] This whole sector is uncharted.

Kif

It is not uncharted. You lost the chart.

Sal

Stands back. I’m gonna puts my moves on her. [He hoots at Leela by saying "Wooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaahs" and twisting/moving his hips to the left and right.]

Fry

That jerk. No one hoots at my captain unless they’re prepared to take it to the next level.

Leela

Fry, please. That’s sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whupping.

Sal

Yo, sexy mama! Let’s get busy and freaky, in that order.

Fry

Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy and she wanted to make love with you?

Sal

Eh, I’ve gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick.

Fry

You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick.

Sal

Yeah, you’re right. She don’t gots enough meat for a guy like me.

Fry

She does too! She’s loaded with meat! She’s got more meat than a cow!

Prof. Farnsworth

[whispers] Be very quiet. We're in the ear.

Amy

[whispers] Okay, professor.

Prof. Farnsworth

WHAT?!

Fry

[to Leela] What about "what"?

Leela

Uh...What about we go for a walk because it's a lovely day, perhaps?

Fry

Oh, okay.

Fry

Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time but every time I try I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not.

Leela

What is it? Is it about Bender?

Fry

No, it's about you and me.

Leela

And Bender?

Fry

Bender's not involved. Leela ... I love you.

Leela

You do?

Fry

Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have.

Leela

Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait, "recently?" Like since you ate that toilet sandwich?

Fry

Yeah! I don't know why but my life really turned around that day.

Prof. Farnsworth

Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building.

Fry

Alright!

Leela

Yeah!

Prof. Farnsworth

In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

Leela

Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right?

Prof. Farnsworth

Yes, yes, yes. You sound like a broken MP3!

Leela

Professor, don't you remember what I told you?!

Prof. Farnsworth

No!!

We are free and fairly sober

Fry

Which is good because we don't intend to pay

The elves are back to work today

Leela

Then you'll all work triple shifts

It's back to work on Xmas Eve

Hooray.

Leela

And though you're cold and sore and ugly

Fry

Let my happy smile warm your hearts

There's a toy lodged in my brain

We are getting awfully tired

Bender

Why you selfish little bastards!

Now it's very nearly Xmas

Fry

These toy soldiers are poorly painted

Leela

And they're made from inferior wood

Bender

I should give you all a beating

Robot Santa

If I wasn't stuck here frozen

Now it's back into our tenements

Leela

You did the best you could I guess

HOORAY!

We're adequate!

The elves have rescued Xmas Day

Fry

Here lies Philip J. Fry, named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit.

Bender

Pay dirt! I've got the clover! Plus, his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

Leela

Uhh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone.

Bender

All right, grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

Get your piping hot horse burgers, horse fries, horse cakes and shakes. We got tongue, straight from the horse's mouth.

Hermes

It all sounds good.

All our horses are 100% horse-fed for that double-horse "juiced-in" goodness.

Leela

I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with horse-beaters.

And you, sir? How can I horse you?

Hermes

I'll have a horse Coke.

Horse Pepsi okay?

Hermes

Neeeiiiggghh.

Fry

Gosh, my old neighborhood. That's the bench where I found some shirts. That fire hydrant. In the summer, we'd light it on fire. On that corner, some guy with a bushy beard handed out a socialist newsletter.

Bender

Was it poorly Xeroxed?

Fry

You better believe it.

Leela

The old comedians were right. This place is a lot different from L.A.

Prof. Farnsworth

For this highly controversial mission you'll be towing the Juan Valdez, an orbiting supertanker full of rich Columbian dark matter.

Leela

Dark matter oil? What if we hit something? The tanker could leak.

Prof. Farnsworth

Impossible! The tanker has 6,000 hulls. So, unlike me, it's entirely leak-proof.

Leela

Why do we have to resort to non-violence? Can't we just kick their asses?

Now, little lady, those people's asses are living things too.