Bender quotes from Futurama

Bender

Do something, Fry! [he accidentally breaks Fry's helmet and he begins to suffocate] Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. [shoves Fry into his compartment]

Fry

I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea.

Bender

Hey, you got me under control.

Fry

Fry and Bender! A winning combination.

Bender

Let's call ourselves Frender.

[singing] Frender, Frender, Frender! Frender, Frender, Frender! Frender!

Bender

Aw, I can't do it.

What stopped you, Bender? Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics?

Bender

You think robots care what some hack science-fiction writer thinks? I killed Isaac Asimov on the way over here. Well, Isaac somebody.

Hermes Conrad

Without Fry’s interruptions, efficiency is up thirty-two perc— Mmm!

Philip J. Fry

Well, my butt's numb and my remote hand is dead, but all I have left is the final season of All My Circuits.

Bender

Which final season? They've been cancelled, like, three or four times.

Amy Wong

Pfft, Loserama.

Fry

The final final season, from 10 years ago. I wonder how many episodes were in it?

Bender

Hmm, twelve… No. Thirteen thousand and twenty.

Fry

[gasps] Thirteen thousand and twenty? I’ll never make it! I’m sorry, Leela. I’ll never be able to watch enough TV to make you proud of me. [sobs]

Leela

[sighs] It might actually be possible. But… no.

Fry

What? What is it?

Leela

It’s risky, but we have a technology now that allows you to watch all the episodes in one continuous stretch. We call it… bingeing.

Calculon

I'm the spokesman for fast acting.

Bender

You're the spokesman for fast-acting hemorrhoid cream.

Calculon

Your point?

Bender

I have none.

Amy

[to Kif] Having a family with you is the only I want in the whole world.

Bender

Then, can I have your car?

Amy

No!

Bender

Too late, already crashed it.

Bender

Can you save him, Doc?

Dr. Zoidberg

If it's something that be cured by a bonesaw. I'll need anaesthetic. Get me a bottle of animal whiskey!

Your journey will be treacherous, for nearly all paths end in death.

Bender

Then let's just take the shortest one.

Bender

Fry and me, we used to have everything. Cabbage fights. Everything. But now I'm like a third wheel on a tricycle that used to have two wheels!

Leela

That's a bicycle.

Bender

You're a bicycle!

Bender

Wow, robots. Cool!

Mom

Yes. They're much better than unions. I-I mean humans.

Fry

I've had a full life. I eat-ed. I prayed. I loved-ed. I'm at peace.

Bender

At peace? At peace?! You selfish jerk! You're my best friend! Promise you won't leave me!

Hermes

So, do those people in the casserole know they're in a simulation, or do they think that they're real?

Professor Farnsworth

Of course, they think they're real. To them, the rules of my software are just their laws of physics.

Amy

But, we think we're real. Couldn't our universe also be a simulation?

Professor Farnsworth

Absolutely not! No chance. The very idea is preposterous!

Hermes

How can you be so sure?

Professor Farnsworth

Because it's computationally impossible! For example, every atom in the universe is affected whenever one little thing moves.

Bender

Like my ass? Oh yeah!

Professor Farnsworth

That's a perfect example, Bender, and some pretty decent twerking. My software can't possibly compute the gravitational changes between Bender's ass and every other particle, so I had to have the information travel outward gradually, at a fixed speed.

Amy

Like the speed of light in our universe?

Professor Farnsworth

Right! Oh, fuff. That's just a coincidence. I had to cut other corners, too. I mean, my simulation doesn't even keep track of exactly where everything is. [...] Another convenient example. My lazy software wouldn't even decide which cup the ball's in until someone actually looked at it. Until then, it's just sort of in both.

Amy

So your programming shortcut is like quantum mechanics in our world?

Professor Farnsworth

Exactly like that! Hm, interesting. I guess what I'm trying to say is our universe is probably also a simulation.

Hermes

But that's the exact opposite of what you said one minute ago!

Professor Farnsworth

New evidence was presented and I changed my mind. I'm a scientist, not a...

Bender

Idiot?

Professor Farnsworth

...politician.