Bender quotes from Futurama

Leela

Hmmmm... Hats with wires on them. Are you sure this is safe?

Bender

It's not just safe; it's 40% safe.

Leela

Bender. Do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8.

Bender

Fry?! You... just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cuz he loves you and crap.

Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar.

Bender

Tell me Doctor Beeler, will I need to threaten you?

Not at all! You see nowadays, we can take a unique and beautiful object, and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production! I call the process "Science"!

Bender

See this scratch? I tell people she got it while I was doing hard time with a New Hampshire chain gang.

Fry

I have a scratch too. From where Dr. Brutaloff slashed me with his finger knives, right after he thawed out of his carbonite, and right before he froze me in his carbonite because you deserted me.

Bender

You're always gettin' frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man!

Fry

No! We like you and your big words, and we need you back on TV, so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it!

Bender

[screaming] Your voice is so annoying!

Fry

[screaming] You always leave the toilet seat crushed!

Robot Devil

For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of.

Fry

Uhhhhhm...

Robot Devil

It's between one and three!

Fry

Four!

Robot Devil

No...between one and three, not including one or three.

Fry

"M"!

Bender

Is he right?

Robot Devil

[sarcastically] Yes, the number I was thinking of was the letter "M".

Amy

Bender, come join us, we're watching Rear Window!

Bender

I used to stick my rear out the window...

Zoidberg

If you prefer, we could watch Behind the Music.

Bender

My behind used to make music...

Hermes

Backdraft is on.

Bender

Even my ass wouldn't watch that.

What time is it?

Bender

Time for you to shut up!

Fry

I did it! I got a great deal on the ship!

Amy

Hooray! I knew you wouldn't let us down in any way.

Prof. Farnsworth

Well, how much did you get?

Fry

Two! Two magic beans!

Prof. Farnsworth

Ooh! You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans!

Fry

Oh. "Fry, you big dummy"?

Bender

Very much so.

Fry

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life!

Bender

I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together.

Holy Rapunzel, man-bat! There's a duo here to rescue us!

How dynamic are they?

Not very.

Bender

Go about your business, citizens.

Well, back to being the subject of gruesome genetic experiments, old chum.

Nibbler

Fry, you have once more done my people a great service. On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you.

Fry

Thanks. But no one can give me what I really want. [mopes]

Bender

I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof.

Fry

Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again?!

Bender

What?! Me? Bender the robot?!

Fry

There's metal flakes on it, and they look like ass flakes.

Bender

How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend - every single night, while he's sleeping.

Bender

Fry. You saved my ass out there.

Fry

Aw... I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny.

Fry

Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know. On your last birthday, what gift did I get you?

Bender

I don't remember.

Fry

Me neither.

Bender

Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4?

Fry

That's not something I would know.

Bender

Oh, yeah. Your turn.

Fry

Um, what color is my shirt?

Bender

If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum.

Fry

Good point.