Bender quotes from Futurama

Aw, he's so cute. Wait, no, he isn't. He looks like Bender!

[All looking at Bender in shock]

Bender

Oh, no, no, no! No way am I that kid's dad!

Wipe my tiny, metal ass.

Bender

Ah, crap.

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Amy

Didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

Bender

No, she was a religious fundamentalist, plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.

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BBBender and Ben

Leela was wrong! Leela was wrong!

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That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright!

Farnsworth

Now get out!!! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million watt idiot!!

[Fry sulks out of the room, melting the door on the way out. Exterior of a trailer park, night. There is a sign that says "Basura Blanca TRAILER FOR ESTATES" on it. Interior of the trailer where Bev lives in. Ben is tucked in bed while Bev bids him goodnight]

Mom, will I ever get to see Dad again?

BBev

No, he died yesterday. Rust monsters ate his face. Sweet dreams.

[She bashes the light switch off and leaves. Ben whimpers. Suddenly, a familiar shadow falls on his blanket and he hears a tapping on the window]

Bender

[whispering] Psst, quit whimpering or ya don't get kidnapped!

Dad!

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Bender

There's a dam!

Damn!

Bender

There's a grate!

Great!

Bender

But I can't bend anything with my arms agonisingly maimed like this!

Well, maybe I can!

[Bender gasps. Ben grabs hold of the grate, however he struggles to bend it]

Bender

You can do it, son!

[Ben keeps struggling and struggling, until Bender finally notices Smitty and URL behind him]

URL

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

[He cuffs Bender]

Bender

Is that even necessary?

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My lucky pants!

They don't look so lucky to me.

They are too lucky! I was wearing them when I found a dime in my ear, when I got a free subscription to Redbook, and when I first met Leela.

Aw! Also, oh, Lord.

Also, they're my only pants.

Bender

You wore the same pants for a thousand years? No wonder they made a run for it.

S7 A Farewell to Arms

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Bender

If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance of beating Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. [the scene expands to reveal Bender is in the Oval Office with Nixon] And I'm just the guy for the job! [Bender and Nixon laugh evilly]

BNBender and Nixon's Head

AROOO!

S7 Decision 3012

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Film? Who uses film? We've had digital cameras for a thousand years!

Bender

Digital? [spits] No digital camera can capture the warmth and grain o' good, ol' film.

Prof. Farnsworth

How can you even tell? Your eyes are digital cameras.

S7 The Thief of Baghead

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[to Calculon] Now, your only chance is a classic death scene, one with a lot of thy's and thou's.

Bender

Voíla! The tragic end of "Rome-o and Julie-t."

That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy...by Will-I-Am Shakespeare.

S7 The Thief of Baghead

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[Beats begin]

Zoidberg this makes no sense. Why are you helping him?

Bender

And what's with that catchy beat?

I'll tell you, 2, 3, 4.

[singing] I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago

When a happy thought dispelled my woe

And I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull

LHLittle Hermes

If I sliced up his Cyborg skull

BBoth

He wants a brain

He wants a robot brain

BBoth

Another brain

Let see if he fells pain

BBoth

A brand new brain

It might drive him insane

BBoth

He wants a brain.

He wants a robot brain

BBoth

wa uuuuuuuuuu wa wa uuuuuuuuu wa wa uuuuuuuuuu wa wa uuuuuuuu...

Amy

Does anybody else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself?

Oh, loosen up, Amy!

Farnsworth

My condolences, LaBarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue.

S7 The Six Million Dollar Mon

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Bender

How does a robot join this monk outfit?

AAbBot

Just put on this monk outfit.

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Bender

I gotta mope things over for a while.

What's happening?

I don't know. I think he's shuffling off sadly in the distance.

Oh lord.

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Bender

Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones and you'll wind up face down in a pool of your own blood and urine.

Still, to have your own pool!

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Bender

It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution.

Mon, you had one hell of a day.