Bender quotes from Futurama

Lrrr

Uh, you'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-metre radius!

Leela

[as they flee] Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn.

Bender

As usual! WOOOOO! RUN AWAAAAY!

Leela

Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth. Where you been all afternoon?

Fry

At, uh, uh, a concert.

Leela

Ooh, was it jazz noodling? My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised.

Bender

So musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh?

Leela

Yeah, it's weird; Sean was uneducated, unambitious. He was pasty and hunched--

Fry

[quietly] Pretty boy...

Leela

But when he played I could sense this incredible, beautiful creative soul. Then one day I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt.

Fry

That could be my beautiful soul sitting naked on her couch. If I could just learn to play this stupid thing.

Bender

Oh, but you can. But you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by "devil", I mean Robot Devil. And by "metaphorically", I mean get your coat.

Robot Devil

Ah, how delightfully ironic.

Bender

It's not ironic, it's just mean! Take this! [Honks his air horn, only for it to become depleted]

Robot Devil

Ooh! Out of aerosol. Also ironic.

Bender

Oh, yeah?! Well, bite my shiny metal-- [remembers that he gave up his crotch plate] OH, NOOOOOOOOO!

Professor Farnsworth

Prepare for rebirth! Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense!

Fry

Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial?

Professor Farnsworth

In your time, yes, but nowadays— shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

Bender

Who are you, my warranty?

Bender

Yeah! Do the Bender! Do the Bender!

[Uninterestedly] No thank you.

Bender

[Threateningly] I SAID "DO IT!!!!!"

Bender

Why did I do partying, I hate partying! [continues partying] WOO! More Partying!

Amy Wong

Quiet, Bender.

Professor Farnsworth

Cut it out.

Hermes Conrad

Shush!

Dr. Zoidberg

[mumbles gibberish]

Leela Leela

Bender, Shut the Hell Up!

Fry

Does anybody else feel jealous and aroused and worried?

Bender

I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

Bender

This looks like a good place to ditch some evidence. [Opens bin and finds Flexo inside] Flexo! What are you doing in a hazardous waste bin?

Flexo

Didn't you hear? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile dysfun...[Bender closes bin]

Professor Farnsworth

Who are you talking to?

Bender

No one. Your momma. Shut up. Take your pick.

Fry

That was low, Bender, even by your standards.

Bender

My what, now?

Fry

Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy?

Bender

August 6, 1991.

Fry

I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting.

The new eyePhone has an app for that!

Bender

Does it have an app for kissing my shiny metal ass?

Several!

Bender

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury... Oops! Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I'm in love with a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman, and not surprisingly, she loves me. This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different than yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved.

I haven't heard a speech this eloquent since Bill Shatner told me why he couldn't pay me back.

Bender

We're gonna fight to legalize it right here!

Hermes

Ya mon! Ya got to legalize it!

Amy

We're talking about robosexual marriage.

Hermes

We're talking about lots of stuff.

Amy

Why do you have to be so mean to me?

Bender

Shut up, baby. You love it.

Amy

Don't tell me to shut up! You know what happened to the last guy that told me to shut up?

Bender

What?

Amy

That was great.

Bender

Shut up.

Bender

Dying sucks butt. How do you living beings cope with mortality?

Leela

Violent outbursts.

Amy

General sluttiness.

Fry

Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.