Bender[Exits phone booth.] Well, things are startin' to look up.
Look up! [Missile explodes.] Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb?
Played by John DiMaggio
Futurama · 1,210 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Futurama: in 356 of its 1,210 quotes
Most scenes with: Philip J. Fry (115), Turanga Leela (82), Professor Hubert Farnsworth (47)
Scenes with Bender 273
BenderBenderAw, shoot!
K1Killbot 1
Someone said "shoot!"
[Killbots 1 and 3 shoot at Killbot 2 and 2 explodes]
K1Killbot 1
We're gonna get fired.
K2Killbot 2
Someone said "fire!"
[Gunfire kills killbot 1 then killbot 2 is killed by the tunnel.]
If you were really dead you wouldn’t be laughing so hard.
BenderYeah, yeah. Death’s a big deal to you fleshbags. But in case you didn’t notice, I’m a robot.
So? What if something heavy fell on you? Like a church? You could still die.
BenderNuh uh! My wireless backup unit saves a copy of me every day. So, if my body gets killed, big whoop. I just download into another body. I’m immortal, baby.
What? Then how come you always scream so much when you’re in danger?
BenderI never said I wasn’t a drama queen.
You're not going anywhere!
But I have a date.
You were late this morning. So you'll have to stay and test my latest invention.
[They walk over to a giant sheet covering something. He reveals a time travelling machine.]
Behold! A time travelling machine!
[Fry and Bender gasp.]
BenderTime? I can't go back there!
Ah, but this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history. Or do something disgusting like sleep with your own grandmother.
I wouldn't wanna do that again.
[Outside the time machine in the year one billion, Fry is returning back to Bender and Farnsworth, who were just hanging around watching the vast emptiness of extinction.]
You know, all in all, I had a good life. What you say the three of us grab a six pack and watch the universe end?
Hear, hear!
BenderThat's basically what I do every day. [pulls out a six pack]
[As the trio are all inside the time machine, they all open their beer cans and toast.]
To the end of the universe.
[Fry pulls the switch. The machine starts ticking. They sit down and wait. Outside the sun explodes and the Earth crumbles before them. Truly marking the end of the world.]
So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.
[The sun vanishes into nothing and the universe behind is revealed. A set of white explosions occur in the form of fireworks. They gasp in awe.]
Hey, uh, what was the purpose of life anyway?
Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit.
BenderMm-hm.
Sounds about right.
[Before them, the universe expands in size as the galaxies float away from one another making the universe darker and darker. Thus, marking the end of the galaxy and the universe as a whole.]
The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness. [shakes his can at Bender]
BenderYeah, yeah, I can take a hint. [takes Farnsworth's old can and gives him a new one]
[takes a sip from his new can] Ah, the last proton should be decaying about now.
[The machine's indicator is ticking up from 1 × 1035 AD.]
Bye, last proton.
And... [stands up] ...here we are; the end of the universe.
[The camera zooms out to reveal that there is literally nothing left. With the exception of the time machine, of course. Farnsworth sits back down.]
Well, now what? You guys wanna talk?
BenderNo thanks.
So? What do you think of my comic?
BenderLet me put it like this: After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema.
RMRobot Moderator
Mr. Groening will now take questions. But, please, about Futurella and not The Simpsons. Yes, the robot standing on the small child?
BenderI have a question! When are you going to make a second Simpson's Movie?
[Matt Groening's nameplate opens and fires a gun at Bender, murdering him.]
Bender[to his party guests] GET OUT! GET OUT! IT'S NOT FUN ANYMORE! I WANT TO BE ALONE!
HHedonismbot
Alone with meeeeeee?
BenderI SAID "SCRAM", GRAPEY!
BenderDo you not give a damn about the hallowed traditions of Robanukah?!
HHoschel
I reckon I do not. Anyways, Earth done run out of petroleum oil.
AGAl Gore's Head
I tried to warn you. [to Hoschel] One unit of free limitless solar power please.
[Hoschel steps out of the sun. He smiles when it reaches full power.]
HHoschel
That'll be... I dunno... ten bucks?
AGAl Gore's Head
Um, can you make change for a Nobel Prize?
BenderI've placed instruments under your seats. Play 'em or I'll break 'em over your heads!
[Fry gets out a holophonor; the Professor, a fiddle; and Dr. Zoidberg, an accordion, and start playing klezmer music.]
Bender': [singing] Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish,
But its ancient sounding customs are exceptionally newish.
So take a hearty swallow from your robo-kiddish cup,
Which will give me time to quickly make them up.
Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?
Bender': Mine is called a droidel and it's rigged to make you pay.
Do you eat these yummy tin-wrapped chocolate coins?
Bender': Better!
We got fembots with illegal five-speed groins!
Shalom, Ruth and Esther!
RRuth
Why with the music so loud?
EEsther
Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here?
Bender': But by far the most important thing is oil.
To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil?
Bender': No, we pour the holy lubricant out from the sacred vessel
Into this blessed pit so they can wrestle.
The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special
Is the oil in which the nasty fembots wrestle.
Wait. Why didn't that hurt? [stretches pants to check] Aggghhh! My wing-wang's gone!
My girls!
BenderMy antenna!
HHattie
My kajigger!
My gonopores!
[slight pause in compilcation]
Look it up.
I've found a loophole. It says here that we can renew the mortgage for the building by actually paying it. All we need is... $11,000,000.
BenderAaand boned.
This chair is so comfortable. [She throws up]
BenderHeh, heh. Classic Amy.
You'll have to be respectful. This customer is fifty-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance.
Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humongous acne cream... Aw, and one regular-sized condom.
BenderAll that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on.
[Bender's couch gets devoured by his microscopic clones]
CCrew
[Worried muttering]
BenderWhat's with the gray goo? [zooms in]
OBOne of Bender's clones
Bite my tiny, metal ass!
BenderHey, those jerklings ate my couch!
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