Bender quotes from Futurama

Leela

We're back from the mission!

Fry

Wh-What? You went without me?

Bender

You were looking up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time.

Fry

But-- But I'm the delivery boy.

Leela

Don't worry. Everything went fine.

Bender

Better than usual!

Leela

We got medals!

Professor Hubert Farnsworth

These bees are larger than most Buicks, and twice as ugly.

Fry

Larger than an American sedan? How big is the honeycomb?

Hermes

Honeycomb's big, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bender

It's not small?

Hermes

No, no, no.

Leela

Maybe I am freaking out a little.

Bender

A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita. And she's a screw!

Bender

Professor, make a woman out of me.

Professor Farnsworth

Oh, I think we should just stay friends.

Bender

My dreams are over before they began!

Dr. Zoidberg

[happily] Welcome to my life! [starts crying]

Prof. Farnsworth

Turn off that crap-o-rama! One mistake now, and Bender will be trapped forever between the already ill-defined robot sexes. [Uses a hammer and a chisel on Bender]

Fry

Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson about changing your sex to win five gold medals.

Bender

[Soft voice] It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself.

Prof. Farnsworth

Almost done...

Bender

[Continuing in a soft voice] If only somehow, some way...he and I could drive to Vegas pick up some floozy-bots and void their warranties all night long! Whoo!

Fry

Yay, my buddy's home!

Bender

A working cartridge unit? You guys went obsolete years ago.

[inserts "snappy comeback" cartridge] Your mother.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe! [He opens his chest cabinet and pulls out a crock o' gold.]

Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine ... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe! [He pulls out a treasure chest.]

Faith and begorra!

Quae?

Fry

There but for the flip of a coin go we. So, um, Leela? Seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight? You know, together?

Leela

Well, I guess you deserve one more flip.

Fry

So, heads or tails?

Leela

Y'know, let's just say it's heads.

Farnsworth

Ready?

Farnsworth

and One, two, three, pull!

Farnsworth

There. That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice versa.

Leela

So, what you think you just explained to us is that--

Farnsworth

Correct! This box contains our own universe.

Hermes

Sweet honey bee of infinity!

Leela

Bender! Quit destroying the universe!

Bender

But...

Farnsworth

Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it, as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Bender

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?

Fry

Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine, it was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. [snores and then wakes up] Coffee time!

Bender

[Gets cigar out] Ah, mighty fine smokable...

Fry

Fancy cigar. Why don't you smoke it already? Puff, puff, go, go, go, go, go!

Fry

Wait! Listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn--

Bender

I'll say! WOOOOO!

Fry

But in this case I-I just don't think it'll do any good.

Bender

That's what she said! WOOOOO!

Leela

Let's face it, you two have deep relationship problems that can't be solved by an aphrodisiac.

Fry

However huge it might be.

Lrrr

Mmm, this jerked chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.

Bender

[from offscreen] It's used to it! WOOOOO!

Lrrr

So let me get this straight... if I buy eight Caramello bars, you all get to go to some camp.

Bender

Yep. That's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards.

Fry

[steps forward] Oh great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn.

Lrrr

Uh, human horn? How ridiculous! Why would a virile male like Lrrr need human horn? I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you put in salad dressing?

Ndnd

Like you've ever seen a salad.

Lrrr

My weight is APPROPRIATE and ATTRACTIVE!

Fry

Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out!

Bender

[from offscreen] Just like at the movie theater! WOOOOO!

Lrrr

This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures, a living thing, and all living things, large and small--

Bender

[from offscreen] In this case, small! WOOOOO!