Bender quotes from Futurama

Kif

Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life! You all brought such wonderful gifts. But the greatest gift...

Bender

Mine!

Kif

...is the bond I share with my smizmar, Amy. For soon, the quivering mass of life within me will depend on us both. Even now, I can sense it feeding, squirming, searching, questing. And shortly, it will rend my loins in twain, burst forth and pull us down, down, down into the deep, dark waters of commitment.

Dr. Zoidberg

That's so beautiful!

Hermes

I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost you $500.

Bender

500 real dollars? That's an outrage! Professor, I can take care of that waste for only $499 and one hundred cents.

Prof. Farnsworth

Hmm, I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience.

Bender

Would you censor the Venus de Venus just because you can see her spewers?

Planet Express Ship

Ugh, it's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it?!

Bender

Why not indeed?!

Leela

Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I'm going to come back there and change your opinions manually!

Planet Express Ship

I saw you at Elzar's with those two "ladies of the evening." Explain that.

Bender

Okay, I like a challenge. [thinks for a second] Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants.

Planet Express Ship

Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I will!

Fry

You could have picked a better time to break up with the ship, Bender.

Bender

Ah, the moment felt right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.

Planet Express Ship

Oh, honey, look! The tapirs! It says here that the babies lose their pajama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey?

Bender

Yep, mind-numbingly interesting.

[Inside Bender's compartment] Who are you talking to?

Bender

No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only woman for Bender.

I love y... [Bender closes door on her]

Fry

Wow. They discovered an intact 20th century pizzeria. Just like the one I used to work at.

Bender

Interesting. No, wait, the other thing: tedious.

Fry

You can see how I lived before I met you.

Bender

You lived before you met me?!

Fry

Yeah, lots of people did.

Bender

Really?!

Fry

Bender, this has nothing to do with you.

Bender

That's impossible!

Bender

Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek.

Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. [It's tongue comes out] Robo-Puppy commencing cheek-licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete.

Bender

Fry, what's wrong?

Fry

Think about it: Seymour lived a full life after I was gone... He probably even added new songs to his repertoire.

Bender

But that's a good thing. "Walkin' On Sunshine" sucks noodles.

Fry

I had Seymour 'till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him... I'll never forget him...

Fry

But he forgot me a long, long time ago...

Bender

Look, I love life and all its pleasures as much as anyone... except perhaps you, Hedonismbot! But we need to be shut off... especially you, Hedonismbot!

I apologize for nothing!

Fry

Oh, my God! It's out of ice, like some outer space Motel 6!

Leela

Completely out of ice?

Bender

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also, life.

Bender

Yo, Captain Catarats. Why are we stopping here?

Professor Farnsworth

It's almost 2:30. Just in time for the early bird dinner special.

Fry

What about your gargoyle?

Professor Farnsworth

My wha?