Bender quotes from Futurama

Bender

Step course for Earth! [evil laugh]

Leela

That's not Earth.

Bender

Oh.

Bender

Hey, my antenna's gone! [looks down] Nah, it just moved. I'm not getting good reception on it, though. Maybe if I wiggle it around a little...

Fry

Bender, no! You'll make God cry!

Bender

Whoa, you look better than you used to for some reason.

Amy

You're not so bad yourself, big boy. [kisses Bender]

Bender

Hey that felt great! [kisses the Professor] Nah, it's not working anymore.

Farnsworth

Speak for yourself.

Wernstrom

When did he die?

Farnsworth

About twelve hours ago, when the party started.

Wernstrom

But he just said "Woo!"

Farnsworth

No, that was just air escaping from the folds of his fat. [pushes against Bender's fat]

Bender

Woo!

Bender

Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't wanna have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back.

Fry

I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.

Bender

You know, I was God once.

Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died.

Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket.

Bender

Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money!

Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Bender

That galaxy is signaling in binary. I should signal back, but I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. You speak English?

I do now.

Bender

So do you know I'm going to do something before I do it?

Yes.

Bender

What if I do something else?

Then I don't know that.

My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded.

Bender

Of course they go unheeded! How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?

Leela

Oh, no, the monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room.

Fry

Do we have to? They're monks, after all. I'm sure their God will let them out, or at least give them more shoes to eat.

Bender

Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so Himself. Now, come on. If we don't free those monks, no one will.

Dr. Zoidberg

Once again, the conservative, sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor.

Dr. Zoidberg

Oh, I'm ruined! [crying] Why?

Fry

Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together.

Bender

[muttering] Shut your fat mouth!

Fry

See you guys Monday!

[after tasting Bender's first meal] It is... acceptable.

Bender

Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at. Wait, why'd you stopped eating, master?

Because, my stomach is about to explode.

You don't understand. Without the distraction of taste, your mind is free to touch the Zen of pure flavor. You could become the greatest chef ever.

Bender

I could?

Yes. Just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf.

Bender

Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands.

Bender

Fleeing somewhere?

Fry

With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly.

Bender

In that case brunch is served! Let's go! Move it out! Stop crying, Leela!