Philip J. Fry quotes from Futurama

Fry

Ahem!

Professor

Whaaa...? Oh yeah, your award show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason!

Fry

Perhaps you'd favor us with it?

Professor

Sure, my pleasure. I came down with a searing case of... who gives a crap?! HAHAHAHA!!

Fry

An-and the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. Four, seven, any time!

Hermes

No way!

Fry

I'm not lyin'!

Leela

Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry, he and I are... What would you say we are, Fry?

Fry

Nude and interrupted.

Bender

See this scratch? I tell people she got it while I was doing hard time with a New Hampshire chain gang.

Fry

I have a scratch too. From where Dr. Brutaloff slashed me with his finger knives, right after he thawed out of his carbonite, and right before he froze me in his carbonite because you deserted me.

Bender

You're always gettin' frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man!

Fry

[a shot pierces his stomach] I'm hit! Oh God it h...

[editing] Tickles!

Leela

Fry is d...

[editing] Sleeping!

Leela

I will avenge him you heartless...

BASTARDS!!! [grins evilly] It's okay when I say it!

Fry

No! We like you and your big words, and we need you back on TV, so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it!

Bender

[screaming] Your voice is so annoying!

Fry

[screaming] You always leave the toilet seat crushed!

Robot Devil

For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of.

Fry

Uhhhhhm...

Robot Devil

It's between one and three!

Fry

Four!

Robot Devil

No...between one and three, not including one or three.

Fry

"M"!

Bender

Is he right?

Robot Devil

[sarcastically] Yes, the number I was thinking of was the letter "M".

We are the Cruds, but we're over here. And don't shoot. That crate is a gift from us.

Leela

What?!

Fry

Huh?!

For real?!

There's been enough violence on these streets, too many lives and mirrors have been shattered, so yo, we sent you a crate o' weapons as a sign o' trust. Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy: giant spiders!

Fry

I knew it!

Fry

I did it! I got a great deal on the ship!

Amy

Hooray! I knew you wouldn't let us down in any way.

Prof. Farnsworth

Well, how much did you get?

Fry

Two! Two magic beans!

Prof. Farnsworth

Ooh! You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans!

Fry

Oh. "Fry, you big dummy"?

Bender

Very much so.

Fry

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life!

Bender

I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together.

Nibbler

Fry, you have once more done my people a great service. On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you.

Fry

Thanks. But no one can give me what I really want. [mopes]

Bender

I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof.

Fry

Hi, mom.

Hi, Sweetie. You want some crackers and a slice of hat?

Fry

No, thanks. Listen, um I never got the chance to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes?

Sure, honey, you're the most important thing in my life once this game is over.

Fry

What's the point? What good is it to talk to her in my own dream?

[on TV] And that's it! Wisconsin has defeated Stanford What an occasionally exciting way to start the new millennium!

Fry

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail?

Nibbler

Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream.

Fry

Whoa, wh-what?

Nibbler

I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend.

Fry

Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you?

Yes. I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. What did you want to tell me?

Fry

Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again?!

Bender

What?! Me? Bender the robot?!

Fry

There's metal flakes on it, and they look like ass flakes.

Bender

How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend - every single night, while he's sleeping.

Bender

Fry. You saved my ass out there.

Fry

Aw... I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny.

Fry

Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know. On your last birthday, what gift did I get you?

Bender

I don't remember.

Fry

Me neither.

Bender

Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4?

Fry

That's not something I would know.

Bender

Oh, yeah. Your turn.

Fry

Um, what color is my shirt?

Bender

If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum.

Fry

Good point.