Philip J. Fry quotes from Futurama

Bender

Do something, Fry! [he accidentally breaks Fry's helmet and he begins to suffocate] Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. [shoves Fry into his compartment]

Fry

I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea.

Bender

Hey, you got me under control.

Fry

Fry and Bender! A winning combination.

Bender

Let's call ourselves Frender.

[singing] Frender, Frender, Frender! Frender, Frender, Frender! Frender!

Fry

I want this diamond right here.

Classy choice, Chief. She'll crap her pants.

Fry

I think it's about time we drank the champagne János poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make?

Leela

Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans.

Fry

"To us. If I could make one moment last forever, this is the one I would choose."

Leela

I'm glad you did. It was a good life.

Fry

Kind of lonely, though? Maybe?

Leela

I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

Fry

I guess we'll never figure out what that glimmer is.

Leela

Nope. Pretty, though.

Fry

Hey, hey, wait it's doing something!

Leela

I'll protect you. [she tries to whack it with her stick, but she falls over] Hi yow!

Leela

Professor?! You're alive?!

Prof. Farnsworth

Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly-stick.

Leela

I thought I killed you with the Time Button.

Prof. Farnsworth

I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow.

Fry

We've been right now the whole time.

Prof. Farnsworth

I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. [Fry shows the Professor a plastic bag with the Time Button's pieces] Oh!

Fry

I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. [Leela nods]

Prof. Farnsworth

[Snatches the pieces out of Fry's hand] Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot! Oh, let me see that goes there lefty loosey, righty tighty, and fixed!

Fry

What?! I could've fixed it that easily?

Prof. Farnsworth

You? [laughs maniacally] Okay. I've modded the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button.

Fry

You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again?

Prof. Farnsworth

Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened.

Fry

[to Leela] What do you say? Want to go around again?

Leela

[taking his hand] I do.

Fry, don't be the idiot you are. Before you go jabbing into your visual cortex, I implore you to…

Fry

Ow! My cortex!

Hermes Conrad

Without Fry’s interruptions, efficiency is up thirty-two perc— Mmm!

Philip J. Fry

Well, my butt's numb and my remote hand is dead, but all I have left is the final season of All My Circuits.

Bender

Which final season? They've been cancelled, like, three or four times.

Amy Wong

Pfft, Loserama.

Fry

The final final season, from 10 years ago. I wonder how many episodes were in it?

Bender

Hmm, twelve… No. Thirteen thousand and twenty.

Fry

[gasps] Thirteen thousand and twenty? I’ll never make it! I’m sorry, Leela. I’ll never be able to watch enough TV to make you proud of me. [sobs]

Leela

[sighs] It might actually be possible. But… no.

Fry

What? What is it?

Leela

It’s risky, but we have a technology now that allows you to watch all the episodes in one continuous stretch. We call it… bingeing.

Arooooooo! Now, Mr. Fry, I understand that you recently endured a terrible ordeal involving doing something stupid with streaming television.

Fry

That's right, your majesty.

And what lesson, if any, did you learn?

Fry

Well, first, I guess, don't reboot a show if the quality isn't going to be there. But more importantly, let me say this: viewers must binge responsibly - the same way they smoke cigarettes, or drink bleach. In my opinion, they must stream no more than 10 episodes in a row... and no less. But it's not just the viewer's responsibility. Any TV show that truly cares about its audience, that loves and respects them, should - no, must - be cancelled every few years. It's simply the right thing to do.

Delilah runs a house of ill repute in the back.

Fry

"Ill"? You mean, a hospital?

I mean a cathouse.

Fry

A pet store?

A brothel.

Fry

A soup kitchen?

[sighs] Yeah, a soup kitchen.

Professor Farnsworth

The warehouse is expanding beyond the sun! Mars! Jupiter!

Fry

The one with the onion rings!

Amy

Um, Professor, isn't it risky to go back in time and change history?

Professor Farnsworth

Oh my, yes. But I'll go alone to minimize the chance of anyone becoming their own grandfather.

Fry

These things happen.

Leela

No, they don't!

Fry

[to Bender and Zoidberg] Merry Xmas, you guys!

Amy

We didn't know you hadn't been invited anywhere.

Hermes

We came as soon as we realized what losers you are!

Fry

Leela, where were you? It's been, like, 30 minutes.

Leela

I was falling in love with the Prince of Space. We're getting married! I know this is very sudden, Fry. I'll always remember the times we had that I haven't already forgotten.

Fry

I've had a full life. I eat-ed. I prayed. I loved-ed. I'm at peace.

Bender

At peace? At peace?! You selfish jerk! You're my best friend! Promise you won't leave me!

Fry

Wha... What happened? Am I alive?

Professor Farnsworth

If you were dead, how could you ask such a dumb question? You're as alive and stupid as ever!

Fry

Are you the guru of the mountain?

For a quarter, I'm a guru. For a nickel, you get a sticker that says you climbed the mountain.