Ross Geller quotes from Friends

So is there, like, a story, or do they just start doing it right... oh, never mind.

Chandler

Okay, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.

Monica

All I say is, she better get the job.

Ross

Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.

Ross

Why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?

Chandler

Oh. See, I had to tell her that your number was my number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number, because she thinks that my number is Bob's number!

Ross

Hey, tell me again what I do when Mr. Roper calls?

Ross

I didn't get a cat!

Rachel

Oh...that's interesting.

Ross

No, it's not 'interesting'! It's very not interesting! It's 100% the opposite of interesting!

Rachel

Okay, I got it Ross!

Ross

You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me!

Rachel

What?

Ross

I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you!

Rachel

I was doing great before I found out about you! Do you think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?!

Ross

You should have said something before I met her!

Rachel

I didn't know then! And how come you never said anything to me?!

Ross

There was never a good time!

Rachel

Oh, you only had a year! We only hung out every night!

Ross

Not...every night! And it's not like I didn't try, but things got in the way! Like Italian guys, or ex-fiancees, or...Italian guys!

Rachel

There was one Italian guy! Do you have a point?!

Ross

The point is, I don't need this right now! It's too late! I'm with somebody else! I'm happy! This ship has sailed!

Rachel

So are you just going to put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?!

Ross

I've been doing it since the 9th Grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it!

Rachel

Okay, you go ahead and do that, Ross! I don't need your stupid ship! [Ross leaves, and she walks up to the door to shut it] And you know what? Now I've got closure!!

Joey

I've been doing this for ten years and I haven't gotten anywhere. There's gotta be a reason.

Ross

Oh c'mon. Maybe you're just... paying your dues.

Joey

No, no, no, it's too hard. It's not worth it. I quit.

Monica

Wait, wait, wait, wait one minute. Wait a minute. I believe this will change your mind. [Reads from the paper] "In a mediocre play, Joseph Tribbiani was able to achieve brilliant new levels of..." continued on page 153... "sucking."

Ross

This is so exciting. I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year!

Chandler

What, you never look down in the shower? [everyone looks at him] What, I can't make one reference to the classic "monkey-as-penis" joke?

Ross

You have a date? Who with?

Monica

No one.

Ross

C'mon, what's his name?

Monica

Nothing.

Ross

Come on, tell me.

Monica

All right, but I'm very excited about this, okay, so you gotta promise you won't get all big-brothery and judgmental.

Ross

Oh, I promise. What?

Monica

It's Richard Burke.

Ross

Who's Richard Burke? Doc... Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a, uh, brother to Dad.

Rachel

[Thinks she feels that Ross came too early, surprised] Oh, honey. That's okay.

Ross

[Realizes] Oh, no, you just rolled on the juice box.

Rachel

[Laughs] Oh, thank god!

Rachel

Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was. I mean, you care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh.

Ross

Oh hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea. Why don't you have Paolo over to have a romp in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell knock knock jokes.

Rachel

This isn't about the movie theater. This is about you stealing my wind.

Ross

Excuse me -- your wind?

Rachel

How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?

Ross

You know, um... I don't have a... have a... problem with that.

Ross

Ok, what the hell happened back there?

Rachel

I don't know, you tell me. One minute I'm holding Ben like a football, the next thing I know, I've got two kids, I'm living in Scarsdale complaining about the taxes.

Ross

Well I'm sorry, I think about stuff. Ya know, I mean, you're at work, you're assembling bones, your mind wanders.

Rachel

Ross, you have planned out the next 20 years of our lives, we've been dating for six weeks!

Ross

C'mon, what, you never think about our future?

Rachel

Yes, but I, I think about who's apartment we're gonna sleep at tomorrow night and, and where we're gonna have dinner next Saturday night. I do not think what our children's names are gonna be! [Ross looks at her] You know what our children's names are gonna be!

Ross

No, no. I mean you know, I read a book and there was a girl named Emily, and I thought, I thought it might be good.

Rachel

What was the book?

Ross

...The big book of children's names.

Rachel

Okay, Ross, listen. What we have is amazing.

Ross

Yeah.

Rachel

But I do not want everything decided for me! I spent my whole life like that. It's what I had with Barry. It was one of the reasons why I left. I like not knowing right now. And I'm sorry if that scares you, but if you wanna be with me you're gonna have to deal with that!

Ross

Okay, fine!

Rachel

Thank you!

Ross

We're not done!

Rachel

I didn't know that.

Ross

Then you're gonna have to understand that you're with a guy who's not gonna stop planning his future with you because he knows we're gonna end up together and if that scares you, tough! 'Cause you're gonna have to deal with that.

Rachel

Fine, I will!

Ross

Good, 'cause I love you!

Rachel

Oh yeah?

Ross

Yeah!

Rachel

Well, I love you too!

Ross

Well, it's the first time we said that!

Rachel

Yes it is!

Ross

Well, I'm gonna kiss you!

Rachel

Well you better!

Ross

Yeah.

Joey

I mean, by someone besides Monica.

Ross

No.

Ross

Hi, Dr. Green. So, how's everything in the... vascular surgery... game?

It's not a game, Ross. A woman died on my table today.

Ross

I'm sorry. See, that's the good thing about my job - all the dinosaurs on my table are already dead.

Ross

Oh, look, look, a low budget puppet show!

Phoebe

[laughs Sarcastically] It's such a shame you can't see what finger I'm holding up.

Ross

It starts at eight. We can't be late.

Phoebe

We could not, would not, want to wait!

Ross

How can you not be going?

Rachel

Well, I'm not gonna go... so I think that will accomplish the not going.