Chandler Bing quotes from Friends

Chandler

[watching TV] I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.

Chandler

Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on his ass!

Chandler

Oh, man. In my next life I'm coming back as a toilet brush!

Chandler

[Preparing to break up with Janice for the third time] There's no easy way to say this. At least, there's no new way for me to say this.

Chandler

[To Monica] Come on, you're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.

Chandler

Oh, I know. This must be so hard. "Oh, no! Two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!"

Chandler

Ok, I guess that just leaves the gifts from Joey and Chandler.

Chandler

Well, maybe he was nervous.

Chandler

[about Joey's ceramic dog] So is he trained, or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the floor? Whoa-stay! Stay! Good fake dog.

Chandler

Richard's really nice and everything. Uh... It's just that we don't know him really well, you know, and plus, he's, you know... old--

Chandler

--er than some people. But, uh, younger... than some buildings!

Chandler

I'm sorry -- we don't have your sheep.

Chandler

You know what's weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?

Chandler

All right, look. If you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.

Chandler

[sarcastically] Now it's not gonna make any sense!

Chandler

You slept with someone three hours after you thought you broke up. I mean, bullets have left guns slower.