Phoebe Buffay quotes from Friends

Phoebe

[about why she and her twin sister Ursula don't get along] It's mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know. I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking. Even though I did it, later that same day. But to my parents, by then it was like, "Yeah, right, so what else is new?"

Phoebe

It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what? You can actually see old lobster couples walking around their tank, you know, holding claws...

Phoebe

See?! He's her lobster!

Phoebe

We didn't do any of the romantic things I'd planned, like having a picnic at Central Park and, you know, coffee at Central Perk... Oh! I just got that!

Phoebe

See, see, everyone else is happy she's done.

Okay, my next song's called:

Phoebe

Oh, no: one of those look-for-the-hidden-meaning songs.

Phoebe

This is like 60 Minutes, when at first you're really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug and then, you know, you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.

Phoebe

[Talking about her fireman boyfriend] He even showed me charcoal drawings he drew of me. Well, he'd prefer watercolors -- but, you know, he has easy access to a lot of charcoal.

Phoebe

Before I start, I just wanna say that I have a cold, so if I sneeze in the middle of a song, it's not on purpose. Oh, except the last verse of "Pepper people."

Phoebe

[singing a Christmas song for her friends]

Phoebe

Happy Holidays, everybody.

Phoebe

Hello, teeny embryos. I'm, I'm Phoebe Buffay. Hi! I'm, I'm, I'm hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know that we're doing this for Frank and Alice -- who you know! You've been there! You know, they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on! Okay? And, and I promise that I'll keep you safe and warm until you're ready to have them take you home. So. Okay. Oh! And, also, um, next time you see me, if I'm screaming, don't worry -- that's what's supposed to happen.

Phoebe

[singing] Are you in there, little fetus? In nine months, will you come greet us?... I will buy you some Adidas.

Phoebe

Yeah, well, I really liked that Lamaze class I took! You know, I just thought this time I'd go for something, you know, a little more intellectual... with a less painful final exam.

Phoebe

Well, you all know that I am a pacifist, which means I am not interested in war - in any way. But when the revolution comes I will have to destroy you all; not you, Joey.

Phoebe

Ninety percent of a woman's pheromones come out the top of her head! That's why women are shorter, so that men will fall in love when they hug them! [Ross is staring at Phoebe] Oh, come on, Ross, you're a scientist.