Joey Tribbiani quotes from Friends

Joey

Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?

Joey

Strip joints! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!

Joey

[in a German accent]Well, Eva, we've doon some excellent work here, and I would have to say, your problem is qviiite clear.

Joey

I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share of women.

Joey

[as repossesors are taking away his expensive stuff] Careful with that 3-D "Last Supper". Judas is a little loose.

Joey

You're 18, she's 44. When you're 36, she's going to be 88!

Joey

Come on, Chandler. Ross is our friend and he needs us right now. So why don't you be a grownup and come watch some TV in the fort?

Joey

Hi, Ben. So you want to be an actor, huh? Well, I go to tell you, it's no picnic. There's ton of rejection. No stability. I mean, one day you're Dr. Drake Ramoray. The next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle. It's a tough life. I mean, sure, okay you can get up whenever you want, watch T.V. all day, meet tons of women in acting class... Who am I kidding? I can't talk you out of this. It's a great life.

Joey

If I don't get this part, I'm never gonna eat macaroni and cheese again.. [After a second] I didn't say that.. That doesn't count

Joey

Man.. I'm starving. What was I thinking at dinner ? "Do you want soup or salad?" Both.. Always order both..

Joey

"Why God, why are You doing this to us?!?"

Joey

I once saw this movie where there was a door, and nobody knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open, millions and MILLIONS of bugs came POURING out, and they feasted on human flesh! [Looks at door nervously] You know, IT WOULDN'T KILL YOU TO RESPECT YOUR WIFE'S PRIVACY!

Joey

Yeah, this was a stupid idea. [Exits]

Joey

Oh...baby-proofing... Why is this such a big deal now? Y'know, when I was a kid it was like.. "Whoops! Joey fell down the stairs!" or er.. "Whoops! Joey electrocuted himself again!"

Joey

[Yells] JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!!

Monica

There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!

Joey

C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!

Chandler

Alright Joey, be nice.

Chandler

[to Monica] So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?

Phoebe

Wait, does he eat chalk?

Phoebe

Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!

Monica

Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.

Chandler

Sounds like a date to me.