Rachel Green quotes from Friends

Rachel

Isn't this exciting! I earned this! I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally... not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?

Rachel

Isn't that just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic?!

Rachel

When I saw them at the airport, I thought I hit rock bottom, but today its like, rock bottom, 50 feet of crap and then me.

Rachel

Okay, Joey, the dog will lick himself but will not touch your sandwich. What does that tell you?

Rachel

I can't believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when you're nauseous!

Rachel

Excuse me -- I'm sorry, I'm going to have to call you back. I've got Shemp in my office.

Rachel

[in the rain, with Chandler and Monica under Rachel's oversized sombrero hat] Now everybody wants to be under the hat!

Rachel

Ross! We broke up two years ago. You've been married since then. I think it's okay that we see other people.

Rachel

Oh. Look who it is – my husband, the apple of my eye.

Rachel

That's a great story, grandpa!

Rachel

Hey, what do you think is a better excuse for why I'm not drinking on this date tonight: I'm a recovering alcoholic, I'm a Mormon, Or I got so hammered last night I'm still a little drunk?

Rachel

I can't live with Joey once the baby comes. I don't want my child's first words to be, "How you doin'?"

Rachel

Tsk, it's not kicking right now, although we would love to see you do that [flaps hands] again!

Rachel

Will you guys stop? Giving birth is one of the most..[Sees the video and screams]... Oh my... why is that child torturing that lady???

Rachel

Stupid metric system!