Ross Geller quotes from Friends

Ross

[talks to his unborn baby] And everyone's telling me, "You gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major." So on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills any more!

Ross

Wasn't it supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be... flung by now?

Ross

You're over me? When were you... under me?

Ross

I hate Chandler. The bastard ruined my life.

Ross

[To Monica] Cheater, Cheater, compulsive eater.

Ross

[Watching the fight on TV where Pete gets injured and talking to Monica] This is ironic. Out of your last two boyfriends, Richard didn't want to have kids, and from the looks of it now Pete can't!

Ross

[speaking through the phone to the pens Company] Yes, Hello! I have a question, uhm!... I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. [something at the phone]... A beard and a mustache. [Something at the phone again] oh! Thank you!...

Ross

Fine, have me fired. But I want you to know that we are not that different. I mean...I too, am a "neat guy".

Ross

People are doing 'it'in front of my book!

Ross

"Lift! And Slide!"

Ross

[upon finding out Chandler's middle name] Chandler Muriel Bing... Your parents never gave you a chance.

Ross

Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you!

Ross

Yeah, kids say all kinds of crap.

Ross

And that's why, no matter what Mommy says, we really were on a break! Yes we were, yes we were! [picks up the baby] Oh, you're the cutest little baby ever! You're just a little bitty baby, but you got big beautiful eyes, a big round belly, and a big baby butt! [sighs] I like big butts. [sings the first few lines of "Baby Got Back." Emma starts laughing.] Oh, my, you're laughing! You've never done that before! Daddy made you laugh! Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot! You want to hear more? [sings another line and Emma laughs again] I'm a terrible father!

Ross

Brussels sprouts? That's worse than no food!