Jerry quotes from E.R.

Carol

[while reading a story that was found under the desk] "Witchcraft attracted her as a child when Zulu tribesmen on her father's game preserve tried sorcery to heal her shriveled leg."

Jerry

Oh, Weaver's in it?

Doug

Hey you guys! It's Mark!

Jerry

Carter, what do you think the best approach with Weaver is? Contrition? Indignation?

Malik

Begging.

Carter

I think I would just appeal to her innate sense of fairness.

Lydia

She has a sense of fairness?

Carter

Yeah. Just remind her that you've been on nights now for...

Jerry

Four months.

Carter

And that you think your exemplary work history, and your many years of loyal service, marred only by one minor incident...

Lydia

Blowing up the ambulance bay.

Carter

...makes it incumbent upon her to bring you back to the land of the living.

Malik

I still say beg.

[just entered the ER] What the hell is this?

Anna

You can't come in here, the ER's contaminated!

What happened?

Anna

They just showed up covered in benzine. Okay, somebody clear out the lobby!

Jerry

[yelling back at the Paramedic who's shouting at him] You didn't control the scene! They came here in a pickup truck!

Carter

MOVE THIS GURNEY OUT OF THE WAY.

Carter

Alright, EVERYBODY SHUT UP!!! EVERYBODY shut up! [Jeanie: Send them to Mercy!] We are going to evacuate the entire ER. Check every room, all contaminated patients and staff, go to the ambulance bay right now!

Malik

Wait a minute, how do we know who's contaminated?

Carter

If you got a spot on your skin, if you got a spot on your gurney, if you got a spot on your clothes, go outside right now!

Benton

Alright, you heard him! Move, move, move, go!

Kerry

Hey, is that Mr. Arteburn's chart?

Jerry

Yeah, yeah. Actually, check this out. Blue Cross. Not the HMO, not the PPO. Traditional indemnity plan gold.

Kerry

Jerry, we treat everyone the same.

Jerry

I'm just thinking about the budget deficit.

Jerry

Ah, look at that. Twinkies.

Mark

You're not gonna eat that?

Jerry

Why not? They have a shelf life of 7 years. [he checks the label] 1993, I'm in the zone!

Jerry

Come on girls. Sweep, sweep, sweep!

Lydia

Randi's in my way!

Randi

I'm supposed to be in the front!

Mark

Curling, Jerry?

Lydia

We were inspired by Nagano.

Jerry

Only three years and nine months left 'til Salt Lake City.

Connie

These crazy white folk.

Lucy

Right, Dr. Carter?

Jerry

Please don't call him Dr. Carter. We'll never be able to live with him.

Lucy

What should I call you?

Jerry

He's just...Carter.

Carter

Dr. Carter will be fine.

100 bottles of beer on the wall, 100 bottles of beer take one down pass it around 100 bottles of beer on the wall.

Jerry

I've never heard one go on this long.

Lydia

Seems like forever.

Jerry

He can't even count, never drops to 99, 98, just back to 100.

Haleh

So you don't mind that he's loud and smells bad, just that he can't sing the song right.

Lydia

100 bottles of beer on the wall... Sorry it's catchy.

Haleh

Who's on?

Jerry

General Lee but she's in a meeting with Anspaugh.

Lydia

I hope you aren't calling her that to her face.

Jerry

Our new chief of emergency services, would I do something like that?

Haleh

We need to pop this guy some Ativan and put him out of our misery.

Jerry

Yes, I believe there is someone asleep in the on-call room.

Wake them up.

Jerry

I can't leave the desk.

Haleh

Then find someone that can wake them up.

Lydia

We've got work to do.

Carol

I need to fax this.

Jerry

Be my guest. Or do you want me to...?

Carol

Oh, no thanks, it's kind of personal. I'll do it myself if that's okay.

Jerry

Do I look like Kerry Weaver?

Carter

[to Chuny] I keep my love life out of the workplace, thank you very much.

Jerry

Since when?

Jerry

...And we think that this may be smallpox.

Jerry?

Jerry

I'm just... talking to my mom.

Neela

The phone was ringing and no one was around, so I thought I should answer it.

Frank

Big mistake.

Neela

It's long-distance, overseas, for a Dr. Carter.

Frank

'Course, who else? Take a message.

Neela

[on the phone] Yeah, can I take a message? [to Frank] They say it's important. Someone died.

Jerry

Who?

Neela

Someone named Kovac. A Dr. Luka Kovac.

Romano

Did you get rid of those nurses?

Jerry

Yeah. They, uh, they went up to nursing administration saying something about hiring a hitman.

Frank

Hell hath no fury like an RN scorned.

Jerry

Pratt, Hampton called from GI. She's not going to see the quarter kid until morning, but she plans on seeing Romano first.

Pratt

Is that all she said?

Jerry

No, actually, she said you're an asshole, too. Night.

Susan

It's so sweet seeing them growing up.

Jerry

Who? Babies?

Susan

No, men.