Lydia quotes from E.R.

Doug

I'm not a grownup doctor.

Lydia

We all know that, but everyone else's busy.

Jerry

I'm going to play Romeo.

Lydia

Comic version?

Jerry

No.

Lydia

Oh.

I bet you see some stuff working here.

Lydia

[referring to Loretta being a prostitute] Oh, like you don't.

At least my clients don't die on me...except for that one guy.

Jerry

On that note, I bid you all a fond good eve. It has been a wonderful Weaver-less day.

Randi

Is he single?

Lydia

Yeah.

Carol

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....uhhh....

Doug

12 tone-deaf doctors.

Mark

11 lords a lording.

Susan

10 drummers drumming.

Carter

9 something, something.

Lydia

8 maids a milking.

Malik

7 swans a swatting.

6 geese a gagging.

5 golden rings! 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree!

Lydia

What do you call the person that finishes last in med school?

Carter

What?

Lydia

Doctor.

Mark

Jerry!

Jerry

I called maintenance 4 times; they're working on it.

Susan

Ohhh, maybe it's the ghost from the 5th floor.

Mark

Not you, too.

Lydia

It's a true story, Mark! It's up there!

Susan

Poor guy, still pining away for the woman he loved.

Lydia

I thought he broke her heart.

Susan

Broke his own heart is more like it.

Mark

And how do you know this?

Susan

Because that's the story. It was Halloween night, the 1930s or something, up on the 5th floor. There was rain and thunder and lightning... he was a doctor, she was an intern...

She loved him, didn't she?

Susan

[nods] But a really wealthy, handsome patient had fallen in love with her, and asked her to marry him.

Chuny

What did she say?

Susan

She didn't know what to say. So... she told the doctor.

Chuny

What did he say?

Susan

He said nothing.

I thought he loved her!

Susan

He did love her, but he just stood there, he couldn't get the words out. And then, after she walked across the room, she turned back and looked at him... she put her hand to her lips, and blew him what would be their first and only kiss. They say it blew through him like a rush of cold wind.

Chuny

That's so sad!

Jerry

What happened?

Susan

Unfortunately, the doc fell out the 5th floor window, so that's kind of it.

Mark

Well, I'm sure they worked on him in the O.R. for awhile.

Susan

Hey, what's in the box? Bridal shop?

Haleh

Did you and Al finally set the date?

Lydia

No, the opposite.

Connie

She broke off with Al.

Lydia

I'm returning this ridiculous fake virgin outfit, and they'd better not offer me store credit!

Shelly, can you spell "world" backwards?

U-O-Y-W-E-R-C-S

Lydia

"Screw you." Backwards.

Malik

Whose beeper is that?

Benton

It's coming from the patient.

Malik

[looking at the beeper] Lydia, what number did you page Gant to?

Lydia

This room, 3376.

Malik

That's the number on this pager.

Maggie

[Takes the pager from Malik. Realizes] Oh, my God.

Carter

What?

Maggie

The patient! It's Gant!

Carter

[Beat. Carter takes a closer look at the patient's face.] Dennis? [Benton and Carter look at each other, horrified.] Oh, sweet Jesus.

Carol

Can I have your attention everybody. Hello, can I have your attention please. I have an announcement to make. Can you turn down that music. Okay I have kept this a secret far too long, Doug Ross and I are seeing each other again.... And we are very happy.

Okay, pay up. Pay up.

Chuny

I was a week too late, I thought New Years for sure.

Lydia

I'm surprised that they kept it a secret this long.

Carol

You knew?

Randi

Oh please honey it was obvious.

Kerry

Well, I didn't know.

Anna

Me either.

Doug

Maybe something you guys didn't know, that we've been seeing each other for a while now, again and I think it would be a great idea if she would marry me.

Doug

Everyone talk her into it.

Chuny

Carol and Doug get it right this time.

Carol

You always have to outdo me.

Doug

I had the opportunity and I had to take it.

Jerry

Carter, what do you think the best approach with Weaver is? Contrition? Indignation?

Malik

Begging.

Carter

I think I would just appeal to her innate sense of fairness.

Lydia

She has a sense of fairness?

Carter

Yeah. Just remind her that you've been on nights now for...

Jerry

Four months.

Carter

And that you think your exemplary work history, and your many years of loyal service, marred only by one minor incident...

Lydia

Blowing up the ambulance bay.

Carter

...makes it incumbent upon her to bring you back to the land of the living.

Malik

I still say beg.

Lydia

What are you wearing tonight?

Connie

My velvet dress.

Lydia

The one you wore last year?

Connie

I didn't pass out and rip mine in the parking lot like someone I know.

Jerry

Come on girls. Sweep, sweep, sweep!

Lydia

Randi's in my way!

Randi

I'm supposed to be in the front!

Mark

Curling, Jerry?

Lydia

We were inspired by Nagano.

Jerry

Only three years and nine months left 'til Salt Lake City.

Connie

These crazy white folk.

100 bottles of beer on the wall, 100 bottles of beer take one down pass it around 100 bottles of beer on the wall.

Jerry

I've never heard one go on this long.

Lydia

Seems like forever.

Jerry

He can't even count, never drops to 99, 98, just back to 100.

Haleh

So you don't mind that he's loud and smells bad, just that he can't sing the song right.

Lydia

100 bottles of beer on the wall... Sorry it's catchy.

Haleh

Who's on?

Jerry

General Lee but she's in a meeting with Anspaugh.

Lydia

I hope you aren't calling her that to her face.

Jerry

Our new chief of emergency services, would I do something like that?

Haleh

We need to pop this guy some Ativan and put him out of our misery.

Jerry

Yes, I believe there is someone asleep in the on-call room.

Wake them up.

Jerry

I can't leave the desk.

Haleh

Then find someone that can wake them up.

Lydia

We've got work to do.