Sam quotes from E.R.

[about Romano] That is some poisonous one-armed midget you've got running this place.

Men only care about three things: food, sports, and sex. Dogs are more mysterious. If they ever invent a refrigerator with a wide-screen T.V and a vagina, we're all doomed.

I'm like a bad trailer park version of myself.

[to Luka] I can't bring your kids back. I have a child of my own, and if it's a choice between you and Alex, I am always going to choose Alex.

[to Eve] If you want us to act like professionals, then you need to treat us as such. You saw me with Dr. Kovac and how well we worked together. If that doesn't prove we can work the same shift, then you don't know your job as well as you think you do.

[to Morris about Banfield] One minute she's a raging bitch, the next, she's Mother Teresa.

How's your heart?

Mark

Pretty good shape.

Want to lend it to me for the weekend? Naw. You got better things to do with it. Do 'em all. You never know when you'll get the chance.

Romano

Please tell me she works here...

Sam Taggart, new nurse!

Romano

Miss Haldol, there's nothing I find sexier than a mute girl covered in blood, so keep your head down and your mouth shut.

You remind of a guy I used to date. He's dead.

Romano

So, what's today's excuse for Triage being a stinking, overpopulated cesspool of humanity?

The healthcare system?

Romano

Yeah, well, if things get too locked up, you can try stabbing some of these deadbeats in the neck. That ought to have them running to Northwestern.

[about a patient] She needs a little TLC and maybe some Zoloft.

Susan

That makes two of us.

Susan

[after Dr. Romano's robotic hand grabs Sam's butt and she unhooks it from its socket] What are you doing?

He just grabbed my ass. [gives the hand to Lewis] Here, take this to church and have it exorcised.

Romano

That's right, you keep walking! Right up to the nursing director's office 'cause by the time you get there, there'll be a pink slip waiting for you.

Good! Give me plenty of time to file my sexual harassment lawsuit!

Romano

Do you mind?

Susan

Yes, I do. You can have it back by the end of the day if you learn to behave!

Romano

Give me my damned hand back!

I've got a rule against ass grabbing.

Susan

That's a good rule.

[about Luka] Why did you invite him?

Alex Taggart

Because he's my friend.

Well, you shouldn't have friends who are over 30.

Alex Taggart

Why not?

Because you're a kid.

Alex Taggart

So? I like him. He's cool.

I know what you're trying to do.

Alex Taggart

Am not.

And I'd rather not be going out with someone right now, okay?

Alex Taggart

You're probably not his type. Besides, he's my friend, not yours.

Luka

You sent that man up for a pulmonary angiogram?

Neela

Dr.Lewis wanted to be sure before heparinising.

Luka

What's your opinion?

Neela

I'm not sure my opinion matters.

Luka. You got a minute?

Luka

[to Neela] If you don't think it matters, then it doesn't.