Jerry quotes from E.R.

Jerry

Now that I'm back on days, you can count on a higher level of efficiency at the central work area. If you pass out again, I'll have everything under control.

Carol

I'm here to unload that new shipment of barbituates.

Jerry

At least you didn't kill off your sense of humor.

Carol

No, just a few brain cells.

Jerry

I'm going to play Romeo.

Lydia

Comic version?

Jerry

No.

Lydia

Oh.

Haleh

Peter, got a two-fer.

Benton

[Not paying attention] Alright, let's hear it.

Haleh

[Referring to the patients who have billiard balls stuck to their mouths] Apparently, this one did it on a dare. 'When the paramedics asked what happened' 'this one re-enacted the crime.'

Jerry

Do we have names?

Haleh

Yeah, dumb and dumber.

Jerry

Dr. Lewis, can you do an employee physical?

On who?

Jerry

Randi.

Susan

[to Randi] Breathe in. [Randi breaths in] Breathe out. [Randi breaths out] She's fine. Where's the form?

Jerry

On that note, I bid you all a fond good eve. It has been a wonderful Weaver-less day.

Randi

Is he single?

Lydia

Yeah.

Mark

What's he doing on a news chopper?

Jerry

[Jerry points to the TV] Hey look there's Doctor Ross.

Malik

Turn up the volume.

Wendy

Where's the remote?

Mark

[speaks into the radio] Doug, do you read me?

Doug

Mark, is that you?

Mark

What are you doing?

Doug

I got a 12-year-old with hypothermia. I gotta warm him up fast! I'm doing the best I can.

Jerry

Chuny, you were on yesterday. Tell Dr. Ross Scottie Pippen was in here.

Chuny

Oh, yeah and so were Jordan and Rodman. Jerry and Conni and I beat them three-on-three.

Jerry

Hot date?

Mark

Just a couple of single guys hanging out.

Doug

So, we'll leave around 8 o'clock for a 9 o'clock set?

Jerry

You know, I'm not doing anything tonight.

Doug

Really, Jerry? Good, because there's a great game on TV.

Jerry

[about Mark] Do you think he's lost his grip on reality?

Carol

No, I think he's having fun.

Mark

Jerry!

Jerry

I called maintenance 4 times; they're working on it.

Susan

Ohhh, maybe it's the ghost from the 5th floor.

Mark

Not you, too.

Lydia

It's a true story, Mark! It's up there!

Susan

Poor guy, still pining away for the woman he loved.

Lydia

I thought he broke her heart.

Susan

Broke his own heart is more like it.

Mark

And how do you know this?

Susan

Because that's the story. It was Halloween night, the 1930s or something, up on the 5th floor. There was rain and thunder and lightning... he was a doctor, she was an intern...

She loved him, didn't she?

Susan

[nods] But a really wealthy, handsome patient had fallen in love with her, and asked her to marry him.

Chuny

What did she say?

Susan

She didn't know what to say. So... she told the doctor.

Chuny

What did he say?

Susan

He said nothing.

I thought he loved her!

Susan

He did love her, but he just stood there, he couldn't get the words out. And then, after she walked across the room, she turned back and looked at him... she put her hand to her lips, and blew him what would be their first and only kiss. They say it blew through him like a rush of cold wind.

Chuny

That's so sad!

Jerry

What happened?

Susan

Unfortunately, the doc fell out the 5th floor window, so that's kind of it.

Mark

Well, I'm sure they worked on him in the O.R. for awhile.

Jerry

Dr. Greene, I'm gonna remind you one more time...

Mark

I'm on my way. I'm gonna take Susan with me for protection.

Susan

Protection from what?

Mark

Ghost up on the 5th floor.

Susan

Why do we have to go up there?

Mark

Guy gorked off, I have to pronounce him. You're not scared, are you?

Susan

Of course not.

Susan

...Mark?

Mark

Susan?

Susan

Oh good, you're still there.

Mark

Where would I go?

Jerry

This is ridiculous. I do not need hand-washing lessons!

Scrub hard, Jerry to scrape off the bacteria.

Jeanie

But the most important thing is to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom.

Jerry

What, every time?

Kerry

Your IQ's not 150. Mine's only 145.

Jerry

What am I supposed to do? Apologize because I'm smarter than you?

Kerry

I'm gonna get an IQ test from psych and if you don't score 150, I'm gonna blow the whistle on you, Dr. Markovic.

Kerry

Jerry, what are you doing?

Jerry

I saw a mouse by the elevator. Soon to be deceased.

Kerry

Sounds like Heidi.

Doug

You know this mouse?