Annie quotes from Community

Britta

Okay, guys, let's get to Biology on time. I don't want to be a screw up this year.

Jeff

Umm, Britta. [Points to his Biology book while looking at the Chemistry book Britta is holding]

Annie

So we're really doing this without Pierce? It's so sad.

Jeff

Yeah, we've parted ways with our closest, oldest, craziest, most racist, oldest elderly crazy friend. And he's not coming back.

Pierce

[Suddenly from behind Jeff] I'm back.

Jeff

We're gonna fly to school each morning,We're gonna smile the entire time.

Britta

We're gonna be more happy,We're gonna finally be fine!

Abed

We're gonna get more calm and normal,

We're gonna fix our state of mind!

Annie

We're gonna be less crazy,

We're gonna finally be fine!

Shirley

We're gonna stand holding hands in a brand new land,Far away from the borderline!

Dean

We're gonna seem like a mainstream dream,

And be appealing to all mankiiiiiind!

We're gonna have more fun and be less weirdThan the first two years combined!And we're gonna live forever!

And we're gonna sleep together!

And we're gonna finallyBe sunny and shinilyWe're gonna finally be fine!

Annie

Well, the real important thing is that there is a Model U.N., it doesn't really matter who starts it. It just means her name goes on some charter and she gets to put it on her resume, and lead the Greendale team to the national Model U.N., and meet Kofi Annan, Boutros Boutros-Ghali, and will.i.am.

[Excited] Boutros Boutros-Ghali?!

How is this still happening?

Pierce

I can't remember what regular air smells like.

Annie

Jeff, do something or we're gonna lose!

Jeff

Guys, this is important to Annie. So whoever actually died a few months ago, fess up so we can put a stake through your heart.

Annie

Jeff!

Jeff

Annie, I think the real lesson here is that a model U.N., much like the real U.N., quickly falls apart when faced with actual-

Annie

NOOOOOOO! I think the lesson here is that I need to win this! I want to win! And you! You suck! You're a stupid, ugly poopface, and I'm better than you!

Jeff

Annie, stop! You're acting like a little schoolgirl, and not in a hot way!

Jeff

Okay. Uh, that made me sound creepy... but-but here's the thing. [runs away]

Annie

Greetings, people of Earth Two.

What is this?

Annie

We represent the United Nations of Earth One, using our Switzerland's hadron collider and resources from every nation, the people of our planet have constructed a trans-dimensional gateway here.

They can't do this!

The science works out.

Annie

We come to you with an offer. We have achieved world peace, tying our score with yours. But we are willing to concede our victory if you agree conceding yours, forming one gigantic United United Nations.

We did it.

You're a fool. Your ultimatum is itself a technical act of aggression. If we simply refuse to recognize your authority, we still remain ahead and you lose.

Annie

But you win a simple game. The larger, symbolic victory will be ours.

Ooh-la-la. We refuse. I'll take the real victory.

A logical, effective, common-sense move, Annie Kim, one which flies in the very face of the United Nations itself: a fundamentally symbolic organisation founded on the principles of high-minded rhetoric and empty gestures. Blue UN wins!

"Arizona backwards is still Arizona backwards." Maybe I was crazy, or maybe I was finally sane.

... And I needed answers like a fish needed a bicycle, bad

Annie

[To Jeff] Who the hell are you always texting?! Everyone you know is here!

Abed

I don't think you should. Chaos already dominates enough of our lives. The universe is an endless raging sea of randomness. Our job isn't to fight it, but to weather it together, on the raft of life. A raft held together by those few, rare, beautiful things that we know to be predictable.

Britta

Ropes. Vines. Vines? Let him finish!

Abed

Us. It won't matter what happens to us as long as we stay honest and accepting of each other's flaws and virtues. Annie will always be driven, Shirley will always be giving, Pierce will never apologize, Britta's sort of a wildcard from my perspective, and Jeff will forever remain a conniving son of a bitch.

Shirley

Abed!

Abed

There's 6 sides to this die, and 7 of us. He devised a system by which he never has to get the pizza.

Annie

Jeff! You crafty jackrabbit!

Really? Dang, man!

Pierce

Pretty low, dude. It's called "friendship"; look it up. Encarta it!

I think we just found our pizza getter.

Jeff

What's so funny?

Annie

Karma!

That guy sucks harder than the toilet of an airplane bathroom.

Pierce

Airplane bathroom...

Shirley

Oh, my pies!

Britta

[singing] Roxanne!

[singing] You don't have to put on that red light!

Annie

[to Abed] I really love your place!

Abed

You should move here.

Jeff

You see what happens when I leave you guys alone?

Britta

Wow, Pierce, congratulations on meeting the minimum requirement for open-mindedness.

Annie

Yeah, I'm really proud of you, you're growing up as a person.

Jeff

Oh, good grief, he's not supporting gay people, they're supporting him. If Mexicans were buying his wipes he would have ridden in on a donkey.

Annie

The Dean had his seventh epiphany today, which has given me an epiphany of my own: the Dean is a genius. He has to be. If he isn't, then I've given almost two weeks of life to an idiot; that is unacceptable. Therefore, the Dean is a genius, and I will die protecting his vision.

Abed

Are you by any chance familiar with Stockholm syndrome?

Annie

Is it something that the Dean created? Because if not, I don't care.

Annie

[Singing like Betty Boop] Teach me how to understand Christmas

Jeff

[Confused] Is this a bit?

Annie

Teach me how to understand Christmas

Jeff

Annie–

Annie

Bwain hurty understandy Chwsitmas

Jeff

Look, eventually you hit a point of diminishing returns on the sexiness.

Annie

What's a diminimuhmm... [Devolves into babbling]

Annie

Wow. They found a way to make the Human Being even creepier - covering him in icicles.

Shirley

I think it's festive.

Jeff

Yeah, my favorite Christmas tradition is trimming the Hellraiser.

Abed

Guys, I found something we can watch together for Christmas this year. The long-lost 1981 Inspector Spacetime Holiday Special. Run time two and half hours, and so critically reviled that after it aired, the creator had his knighthood revoked.

That sounds terrible. I want to watch it twice, but I'm spending Christmas with my relatives. Or rather, I'm spending the day with my relatives while they refuse to acknowledge Christmas.

Shirley

You Jehovah's Witnesses - so severe. Andre and I will be spending Christmas giving gifts to the more persuadable of our Jewish friends.

Annie

I wouldn't call an unannounced visit from your pastor "a gift." And don't bother this year, I'll be at the movies with my bubbe.

You're not taking both of them?

Annie

Well, one's dead.

What?!

Abed

I was looking forward to hanging out with you guys this Christmas. This semester has been so long and dark and angry. I was thinking we could have some light-hearted fun as a family.

Jeff

I think what we've learned, Abed, is that attempts to make the holidays brighter tend to give them a certain darkness.

Shirley

Oh, I don't know if I agree with that.

[singing] Deck the halls with boughs of holly

Shirley

...Actually, maybe I do.

[singing] Tis the season to be jolly

Merry Christmas, Greendale! Glee Club here, reminding you that our Christmas pageant is coming! Next stop, regionals!

Pierce

What the hell are regionals? They never stop talking about it.

[singing] Deck~

Please tell me we were not this obnoxious the year we filled in for them.

Annie

T-minus 5 seconds until the hip-hop remix. 4, 3…

[rapping] Come on!

Britta

You’re awfully quiet, Jeff. No one hates glee club more than you do.

Jeff

Today, I’m just content to sit back and enjoy the show.

And now, our pop music mashup…

…Elton Little John Lennon!

Hit it!

[rapping] Hey, tiny dancer!

[rapping] OKAY-!

Stop! Cease…and desist.

Jeff

Glee club, meet ASCAP, protecting musical copyright since 1914. It appears they have received an anonymous tip that unlicensed material has been performed here without the artist’s permission. Merry Christmas, everyone. Glee club just became history club.

Britta

When's our culture gonna outgrow this wedding thing?

Annie

You're anti-wedding now?

Jeff

No, she's just pro-anti.

Britta

No to everything you both said! Weddings are like little girls' tea parties, except the women are the stuffed animals, the men are making them talk, and they're not drinking tea, they're drinking antiquated gender roles.

Jeff

Somebody tell Britta what an analogy is.

Britta

I know what it is. It's like a thought with... another thought's hat on.

Annie

Holy crap! Britta, you're really good at this!

Britta

[sadly] I know.

Annie

What's wrong with you?

Britta

This may shock you, Annie, but I come from a long line of wives and mothers.

Annie

Many do.

Britta

But I ran away from it my whole life. I refused to give Santa a Christmas list, because I didn't want to depend on any man for anything! And now, look at me! I'm Betty Crocker! I'm Martha Stewart! I'm one of the Steppenwolf wives! Ohh, God... [to Abed] I'm gonna make some man very happy someday...

Abed

Ooh, easy.

Slow down.

Annie

What's with you guys?

We de-whimsified ourselves.

Abed

We're normal now.

Annie

Oh. Good?

Hey, anyone seen Shirley?

Abed

What? Shirley late to the rehearsal? Oh my.

Hey, man. You don't have to be sarcastic.

Abed

I'm not being sarcastic.

We're heavily invested in your situation. Nothing's more important to us than your second wedding's rehearsal going smoothly.

...Walk away, man.

Annie

[to Jeff] Hey! Did you think of a toast?

Jeff

Well, yeah. Uh, I had a drink, and I looked into my heart, and here's what I got so far. "Webster's Dictionary defines"-

Annie

Stop, stop! "Webster's Dictionary defines"? That's the Jim Belushi of speech openings! It accomplishes nothing, but everyone keeps using it and nobody knows why!

Jeff

Yeah, well, it's all I got! That took me eight hours and sixteen Macallan neatses! Look, I'm sorry, I just don't believe in marriage.

Britta

I do. It's inevitable.

Annie

[To Jeff] I thought I was representing the sisterhood. Thought I was teaching you a lesson about all the girls you dominate and then ignore. Not to waste your energy on some weird, cloying, hypersensitive stalker with a girl's name.

Hey! You are really mean.

Annie

Put it in a letter, Jane Austen!

Chang has recruited a team of pre-teen security interns while moonlighting at a local bar mitzvah. They were later nicknamed the Changlourious Basterds. Like Inglourious Basterds, but with "Chang" instead of "in". I don't get it either.

Annie

One of the soldiers said they were making trophies out of mattress tags. This was as ugly as things could get... while still being a pillow fight.