Dean Pelton quotes from Community

Dean Pelton

[to Jeff, about convincing Troy to play football] I think if you said jump, he'd say, "How high?" If you said stop, he'd say, "Hammer time."

Dean Pelton

Mr. Winger!

Dean Pelton

[yelling at Jeff, who's walking away] Listen, jerk wad! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that got really heated. Greendale needs a win. The best compliment our sports program gets is that our basketball team is really gay.

Dean Pelton

Green Week was a rousing success here at Greendale. And now for our band, Greene Daeye! By the way, they're not the real Green Day. Thought we should just rip that band-aid off quickly.

Dean

Jeffrey, I am the least racist person in the world. My best friend, when I was six years old, was a black man!

Dean Pelton

[over P.A.] It's Valentine's week, when the Greendale Human Being is the Cupid Being, delivering your gift to that special someone. But, remember, Cupid's face is magic marker on nylon, so love is not only blind but also dizzy and a little belligerent.

Dean Pelton

From now on, April 1st is now March 32nd.

Dean

I have always dreamt of playing charades with you, Jeffrey, just not like this! And not on dry land!

Dean Pelton

Well, that answers my question. Jeff Winger is sexy even in a coffin.

Dean Pelton

I don't know who told you pouting was an option for you, but all you're making me feel right now is hatred of Renee Zellweger.

Dean Pelton

Well, I'm a peanut bar and I'm here to say

Dean Pelton

...I don't know what that was... I don't...

Dean Pelton

Get ready, America! Dean Pelton is coming out as approximately two-sevenths of what he is!

Dean Pelton

Now, are those the high heel boots he was talking about?

Britta

Yes.

Dean Pelton

Are they comfortable?

Britta

Yeah.

Dean Pelton

I'm just curious, they're cute.

Dean Pelton

Well, it certainly sounds to me that this young lady's only crime is being a hero and wanting to be taller.

Dean Pelton

[introducing the judges for Britta's trial] Our judges include myself, Dean Craig Pelton.

Professor Ian Duncan.

Professor Ben Chang.

Uh, no, you're a teacher, you're not a professor.

Maybe because I don't look like Ron Weasley.

That's the difference, that's the qualifying factor.

Dean Pelton

Gentleman.

Jeff

Point of order. How can Señor Chang be one of the judges? He's the one accussing my client.

Well, you got Prince Charles over here, your drinking buddy.

Oh, got me.

Dean Pelton

It sounds like there are two biases, one on each side, and I go both ways, so... let's strike that.

Dean Pelton

[approaching the study group] Hi, everybody. Well, look at this group, having some kind of meeting and being so diverse. There is just one of every kind of you, isn't there?

Pierce

Well, we are missing a pipsqueak, but we don't want one, so beat it.