Annie quotes from Community

Annie

How much effort do I rate?

Jeff

For you, I'd break a light sweat.

Annie

Good. I need a favor. Help Pierce with his step daughter?

Jeff

You're becoming dangerous Annie, it's those doe eyes. Disappointing you is like choking the little mermaid with a bike chain

Dean

I see how that would be frustrating, but the fact is-

Abed

[Suggesting the lines to the Dean] Your ass is on the line.

Dean

My ass is on the line!

Abed

You just got off the phone with the mayor.

Dean

I just got off the phone with the- what, the mayor?! Stop doing that!

Abed

I'm trying to help. You're not doing this right.

Dean

[sarcastically] Well, maybe you should do it.

Abed

I'm sick and tired of making excuses for you two! You're an embarrassment to the department! You're off the case and off the force! Your badges and your windbreakers now! [Annie and Shirley hesitate] Now! I ain't got all day! Agitating my sciatica... I'm too old for this! Now, get out of my sight! Thought you were badasses, huh? Real badasses work together. All I see is a housewife and a girl scout.

Annie

[offended] Hey!

Shirley

Abed!

Abed

I said get out! And don't ever think about getting near this case, huh!

Dean

Pretty harsh.

Abed

[Talking normally] Whatever, that's what they needed.

Pierce

Abed, your social skills aren't exactly streets ahead, you know what I mean?

Abed

I don't.

Jeff

[To Abed] You're not alone on this case. Pierce, stop trying to coin the phrase "streets ahead".

Pierce

Trying? Coined and minted. Been there, coined that! "Streets ahead" is verbal wildfire.

Annie

Does it just mean "cool", or is it supposed to be like "miles ahead"?

Pierce

[Sighs] If you have to ask, you're streets behind.

Shirley

Come on, everybody, let's not make fun of Annie.

Annie

No, no, I don't want anybody's pity. You know, come to think of it, after Pierce, you're the most bigoted.

Shirley

What?

Annie

When you found out I was Jewish, you invited me into a "pool party" that turned out to be a baptism.

Shirley

Well, excuse me for trying to sneak you into heaven!

Jeff

Friends don't do what you did to us. Did the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants poison each other's food so they were too sick to leave? No! I've never seen it, but I'm pretty sure they MAILED EACH OTHER PANTS!

Annie

I said I was sorry!

Jeff

Who cares if you're sorry; we're still screwed! Be sorry about this stuff before you do it, then DON'T DO IT!

Jeff

I thought you left.

Annie

I couldn't go.

Jeff

What happened?

Annie

I guess, as we were driving away, I finally started living in the moment and I realized that, in the moment, Greendale is where I belong. What are you doing out here?

Jeff

Oh, you know, Britta and Slater told me they loved me.

Annie

Really?

Jeff

Yeah.

Annie

What did you do?

Jeff

I ran away. I don't know. It's hard. Slater makes me feel like I do when I write my New Year's resolutions. She makes me feel like the guy I want to be. And Britta makes me feel like the guy I am three weeks after the New Year's, when I'm back to hitting my snooze button and screening my Mom's phone calls. Back to who I really am. So do you try to evolve, or do you try to know what you are?

Annie

I don't know. I wish I could live two lives. One of me would go with Vaughn, one of me could stay here.

Jeff

One of me could be back with Slater, and the other could try it with Britta. Then we could all get together for some weird foursome. Um, I guess I gotta go deal with it.

Annie

Good luck.

Jeff

I'm glad you're staying.

Annie, go back and keep lookout.

Annie

Wait, why me lookout; why not you guys?

'Cause if someone comes up here Kanye and Kumar get taken to jail; you get taken to dinner.

Annie

[flouncing energetically] You guys! I'm the smartest one in this group and all I've been used for is bait and distraction! [notices that the others are looking at her chest] Ugh! Go on your stupid mission; I hope it sucks. [leaves]

What did she say?

Abed

I don't know.

All I heard was "suck".

Annie

[to Abed, about his skill at insulting people] You're really good at it. You're like a machine!

Abed

Like RoboCop?

Britta

Exactly like Rowboat Cop. Sharice is a bad rowboat. Sink her.

Britta

[looking in notebook] Abed, why is my name in here?

Abed

That's mine.

Britta

And Shirley's and Annie's?

Annie

What is it?

Britta

Charts. Some kind of calendar?

Abed

That's my personal private business.

Britta

[reading] "Annie: 4 on, 28 off, next, November 10th. Britta: 5 on, 27 off..." Oh, my God, are you charting our menstrual cycles?

Annie

What?! Gross!

Shirley

Abed, this is so personal! And so accurate.

Annie

Abed, this is really creepy. I don't understand why you would do this.

Abed

I can explain. [Pause] Oh, I thought you'd keep yelling over me. Okay, I can explain. You know I have trouble reading people, and I say the wrong things, sometimes, and I noticed it was happening more often with you three than it was with the others. And then I noticed fluctuating patterns, and I started graphing them, and by the time I realized what I was actually measuring, it had started to yield really positive results for everybody, so I kept doing it.

Abed

Okay, if I could just take this time to share a few words of sarcasm with whoever it is that took this pen. I want to say thank you for doing this to me. For a while I thought I'd had to suffer through a puppy parade, but I much prefer being entombed alive in a mausoleum of feelings I can neither understand nor reciprocate. So whoever you are, can I get you anything? Ice cream? Best friend medal? Anything? Mmm-mmmm? Okay, sarcasm over.

Annie

Jeff, you made up a professor, and he just appeared out of thin air. You're not the least bit curious how that happened?

Jeff

My latest theory? Maybe I'm a god. I've denied the signs for too long.

Annie

Ooh! Can I sing this one? [Abed nods and Annie sings] Bitter shallow hipster / Sweater matching socks / Christmas needs more presence / Than a haircut in a box.

Annie. Nice!

Annie

Get what I did with the word presence?

Annie

It's not like I'm seeing anyone. There's just a guy...

Abed

A guy that goes to Greendale? Is it the Russian guy that looks like a short Johnny Depp?

Annie

It doesn't matter.

Is it the guy who looks a little like Vince Vaughn but smells a lot like fish?

Abed

Is it the guy who looks like Anderson Cooper but with the soul patch and the ponytail?

Annie

No.

Is it Black Michael Chiklis?

Annie

No.

Pierce

The white George Foreman?

Britta

You guys are talking about the same person: he's biracial, his name is David, and he's a human being.

Is it Fat Neil?

Abed

Bluestreak?

Pierce

Optimus Prime?

Annie

Okay, even I know some of these are Transformers.

Jeff

Is it Jean-Claude Van Overbite?

Abed

We should really start learning people's names.

Jeff

I agree with brown Jamie Lee Curtis.

Annie

[referring to Page, Britta's supposedly lesbian friend] So, like, would you change clothes in front of her?

Britta

Annie, I know your lack of world experience creates curiosity, but questions like that can make you seem a little bit homophobic.

Annie

It's homophobic to ask questions?

Britta

If you have to ask if it's homophobic to ask questions, haven't you already answered your own question?

Annie

Have I?

Britta

Don't know. Not a homophobe.

Annie

[spots Page from a distance] Oh.

Britta

Oh, there's Page. Should I ask her 500 questions about being a lesbian? Or should I just treat her like a normal person? That's a question you can ask.

Annie

We're electing the students' president. I'm gonna run! I have so many ideas for improving this school!

Jeff

Improving Greendale takes more than ideas, Annie. It takes time, gasoline, matches...

Abed

Hmmm, nice. [makes a notch on the side of the table, under a writing that reads "Classic Wingers"]

Annie

Well, newsflash Jeff, some of us care about more than fixing our hair and sculpting our abs.

Jeff

Wow, you got me pegged. [makes a notch on the side of the table, under a writing that reads "Ab mentions"]

Britta

Democracy, what a ruse. There's no such thing as a system in which the masses hold any-

Jeff

[interrupting] Everybody wants you to shut up!

Britta

And yet I won't. Case in point.

Jeff

You should have stayed in the running. You were the only real candidate.

Annie

Nah. I was just another jerk trying to win a contest. You were right the whole time. I just couldn't admit it until I saw you running away crying.