Jeff quotes from Community

Jeff

I discovered at a very early age that if I talked for long enough, I could make anything right or wrong. So, either, I'm God or truth is relative. Either way, booyah.

Jeff

People can connect with anything. We can sympathize with a pencil, we can forgive a shark, and we can give Ben Affleck an Academy Award for screenwriting.

Jeff

Oh my God! My life is Degrassi High!

Jeff

Now, let's meet the minimum requiremnts for a language credit, shall we?

Jeff

Annie said that Benjamin Button was compelling. Look, she's a smart girl, but sometimes she's just wrong!

Jeff

[To Professor Slater] Please sleep with me. Please. Pretty please. I'm so lonely. I haven't slept with anyone in a very long time and you are so good looking. Please do me the favor of having sex with me.

Jeff

The next person who offers me pity or charity will be mentioned — by name — in my suicide note.

Jeff

[After being kicked in the face by Buddy] No no, its fine, it's fine. It's just little a nose bleed. I get 'em when it's dry and when my face gets kicked.

Jeff

[To Buddy] Annie's pretty young, we try not to sexualize her.

Jeff

[about Britta] Well, you know, she's no barrel of monkeys. She wants everyone to be honest, but she lies to herself. She's seen the world, but doesn't get it. She has more fights about stuff that doesn't matter than a YouTube comment section. She's passionate, which I find stupid, but entertaining.

Jeff

Now she is going to make the Disney face: her lip is going to quiver and her eyes will flutter but they won't ever actually close but do not feel sorry for her!

Jeff

[to Britta and Annie] Wow. You guys are real downers. I can't believe I made out with both of you.

Jeff

We earn the right to pick on Greendale by going there every day. Our school may be a toilet, but it's our toilet. Nobody craps in it but us.

Jeff

[to Abed, who is filming the documentary] Don't you dare intercut this with footage of me freaking out!

Jeff

Don't preach to me about romance, Annie. I had a three-way in a hot-air balloon.