Pierce quotes from Community

Pierce

Why don't we go get a beer? I'll give you some advice, and we can have what the kids are calling a 'sausage fest.'

Pierce

I say things others won't; that has value.

Pierce

I'll show you the tool that's most important to our survival, but fair warning: it's my penis.

Pierce

Hey guys, one of those guys just told me that there's an island in Indonesia where you can hunt other guys! I'm booking a trip for August!

Pierce

Vengeance? Ha! I was never one to hold grudges, Jeffrey. My father held grudges. I'll always hate him for that.

Pierce

It began with a dream, Annie. A dream and an impulse to hide in the men's room. I found that people were willing to roll bullets under the door just for the right to take a dump. By the way, for you guys, taking a dump is on the house.

Pierce

LET'S BURN THIS MOTHER DOWN!!

Pierce

[about Abed] Uh-Oh. He's playing the Rain Man card. Let's bounce.

Pierce

A. That is racist. B. Swamis can't drive, they're Indians.

Pierce

Ghosts can’t go through doors, stupid; they’re not fire.

Annie

I'd like to know why I had to find out about this group on accident.

Abed

Oh, this is getting way more like Breakfast Club now.

Pierce

There's breakfast?

Shirley

You have been sexually harassing me since the very first day of class.

Pierce

Sexually harassing? That makes no sense to me. Why would I harass someone who turns me on?

Jeff

You know what makes humans different from other animals?

Feet!

Pierce

No, no, no, come on. Bears have feet.

Pierce

You know, I've been divorced seven times. Sometimes I think I'm doing something wrong.

Jeff

You keep getting married.

Pierce

I never looked at it that way.

Jeff

You know what makes humans different from other animals?

Feet!

No, no, no, come on. Bears have feet.

Jeff

We're the only species on Earth that observes Shark Week. Sharks don't even observe Shark Week, but we do, for the same reason I can pick up this pencil, tell you its name is Steve, and go like this! [snaps pencil in two to the discomfort of the others] And part of you dies just a little bit on the inside. Because people can connect with anything. We can sympathize with a pencil, we can forgive a shark, and we can give Ben Affleck an Academy Award for screenwriting.

Pierce

Big mistake.

Got a point.

Jeff

People can find the good in just about anything but themselves. Look at me. It's clear to all of you that I am awesome, but I can never admit that because that would make me an ass. What I can do is see what makes Annie awesome. She's driven. We need driven people or the lights go out and the ice cream melts. And Pierce. We need guys like Pierce. This guy has wisdom to offer.

Pierce

The Dalai Lama and I-

Jeff

We should listen to him sometime. We wouldn't regret it. And Shirley. Shirley has earned our respect - not as a wife, not as a mother, but as a woman. And don't test her on that, because that thing about the jukebox was way too specific to be improvised. And Troy. Who cares if Troy thinks he's all that? Maybe he is. Do you think astronauts go to the moon because they hate oxygen? No, they're trying to impress their high school's prom king. And Abed. Abed's a shaman. You ask him to pass the salt, he gives you a bowl of soup because you know what? Soup is better. Abed is better. You are all better than you think you are. You are just designed not to believe it when you hear it from yourself.

Pierce

Soup?