Alan Shore quotes from Boston Legal

Alan

You know, we have a saying in Massachusetts. "Maybe someday you'll get horribly sick and die." Until then.

Alan

The credit card industry is a pack of hyenas crunching on the bones of the poor.

Alan

[to Denny] Ah, there you are. I've hardly seen you this episode.

Alan

Oddly, this was one of my fantasies... And the chilly weather is certainly an added bonus.

Alan

I have a similar bit of wisdom I like to share. We can do this my way or another way that will have you writing a very large check and crying like a baby.

Alan

There's a reason Shakespeare and many after him said 'First kill all the lawyers.' They're talking about people like me, Jerry, not you.

Alan

It's spring...I'm in heat.

Alan

Denny, she looks young. Does she know that you're... not?

Alan

I'm a man of principle--or not--whatever the situation calls for.

Alan

Primetime wants you on during sweeps. They want you to eat Diane Sawyer.

Alan

We have geniuses in this country. True pioneers of innovation. Steve Jobs, Steven Wozniak, Steve Ballmer...if we could just round up some of our best Steves!

Alan

Everyone here is named Denny Crane. These are just the ones within driving distance, of course, since airplane travel is not an option.

Alan

“You'll recall I once advised you fleeing the practice of law because it's an ugly occupation which calls opponents participants to do ugly things. I'm very accomplished to the practice of law, Jerry.”

Uh, I think that's my seat.

Alan Shore

Yes, I did see someone's things here. I moved them to a less desirable location.

Alan

I'm sorry. We're not territorial about that sort of thing around here, are we?

Where the hell is Edwin?

[entering the room, wearing no pants] Sorry I'm late, good people.

Alan

Is it casual Monday?